Brooding and Resolution

I spent Xmas in Mcca with my family. I feel serenely sober and brooding. I just don't know why I'm feel this but I am certain I feel good going back and being with my own family.

But I'm not in the giddy, giggling mood though. Which, normally I'm in [the giddy giggling mood I mean].

I finished reading "The Japanese Lover" by Rani Maniker and I enjoyed reading thoroughly in Mcca.

I feel that I enjoy being at the back seat and just watch, look, gathering my observation and building opinions within myself. But I have no inclination to be expressive about what I have seen and experience.

I am just enjoying the moments, with lesser words than I normally have, with Eugene, with Mum, with Danny, with Aunty, with cousin, with Grandma and I even don't feel like talking much to my colleagues who may want me to talk. I rather SMS them so I don't need to talk much, just important points in SMS forms *smile*...

Yeah, I'm in those kind of mood.

But I sure have lots to write when it comes to book reviews and I am never short of words to express my thoughts precisely. Wonderful.

Anyway, so much for now. I'm going back to my shelves, under the "Not Read Yet" section to fish my next book. Hastalavista... Have a good new year babes...

And last but not least, 2011? I resolute to 1) get a set of 6 pacs abs 2) finish writing a book 3) be happier, less stress, chill more 4) do justice for myself by updating that God forsaken resume and start opening out for opportunities.

Yay!

So Far...

My life thus far has been good. I have no complains what-so-ever being just myself.

I'm been now conferred (from myself) as one of the most frequent users of FB where you literally can see some smart ass cracking nonsense from me every few hours.

I'm not bored. I'm just entertained, amused, interested, living and honestly, enjoying every minute of it.

Despite, receiving the occasional calls and sms from my unit, I'm happily answering their quires, taking it that I'm only working at 10% capacity. Also, I don't think I want to entirely shut off work because when 3 Jan comes, trust me the effort to rev the engine to it's usual crazy 200kmph would be taking me ages to get there. So it's nice to still have a shimmering fire on.

Ah, I'm still waiting for Eugene and the news of his interview. Apparently, the interview was supposed to start at 9.30am, the time now is 12.20pm. Sounds like it's going very well.

I can't express the amount of looking up I have for Eugene. Though of course we have that bunch of sour grapes or green eye monster to disregard what I have to say because they can't be better or they just don't like seeing people being better than them [so if you are truly reading this line by line, my message is: go hang yourself and then go to hell].

Anyways, back to my point about Eugene, I truly feel it is about time for him to move on to another pasture. Greener or not, I can't say but it is time. More so whenever he has reached to this level and the amount of experience he has garnered from this job from Day 1, I think it is the time.

The time for this break through. As I believe, for every person who works hard for it, there is and should be a breaking point for their break through. And so, this is his time.

I'm giving him all the luck I ever have in my pocket here and truly giving it all to him because all he needs is for that someone to agree to his recruitment, with the agreed package, and ta-dah, he's on the roll.

I'm so positively looking forward for him because I have not seen much people at today's rate worked so hard and much as he has. So he deserves every single bit of it.

Talking about work (again), as I am typing this post, it now has dawned upon me that I have indeed worked even harder than my Collections days. It is true. Though I am older now, with more years of experience in my saddle, I have been working harder than I was for the past 8 years in Collections.

So, without any intention to boast, I also believe I deserve every single bit and grain of remuneration and recognition that is due. And if people still think it isn't enough and yada yada yada, I would like to ask them to hang them self and then go to hell. Haha. Really.

More so this is applicable to the persons who are not my boss. Or ex-bosses. Or whoever. Of course I will be one day as good as my Boss but I am not now as otherwise, I would be sitting on this chair rite?

A lot of people should learn to understand several points: 1. If you think someone isn't good enough for something and do not deserve any of those things they are getting, try doing it yourself and prove that you could do better. If you are indeed better, you deserve all the recognition 2. If you can't, then just shut up and mind your own business because by end of the day, it is none of your business.

This is the problem of society when it comes to the corporate world. People tend to forget where they stand. People tends to conveniently forget.

Anyway, enough of griping. I should be going off. Till then, ta-ta...

Darn Central Bank

Good news: I'm officially off from the office for a God damn 14 days, 10 business days.

Bad news: I've still got some loose ends to tie *bleak*

So how do I really feel being away finally. Just a smattering relieve I should say because for the past few weeks I have been taking things with lots of patience and strikes. And I have also started taking things one at a time - like it or not if anyone feels of such.

And like all matters, I tend to find things to look forward to enjoy this coming 2 weeks tho they are things which is totally normal and mundane to a lot of people. Like reading, sleep, running and yoga.

As usual, between these posts there has been happenings in the office, a lot of it to do with politics and the antics of darn ass stupidity. But I'm just so bored and tired about them that I don't feel like dishing them out in this post. But I sure have conclude a number of assholes, bringing several new additional to the family of assholes in my little black book. Haha.

Corporate assholes.

I did however a very bitchy thing yesterday. I wrote a colleague in the office a mail telling her "nicely" not to spread rumor about my hiring for people in my unit (which has totally nothing to do with her whatsoever). And I honestly mean to put her down because it is always people like this that causes a lot of dissatisfaction, misunderstanding and friction which is totally unnecessary because she speculate things and with her wrong assumption, she spread it like wild fire and cause people to be upset.

I just can't help it. I can't help ignoring like I normally do on these 'woman' problem. Not for this.

I'm feeling fine today despite coming home at some 2am today. Thanks to last minute 'urgent' stuff requested by this darn Central Bank. Honestly, if I ever be the Boss one day, I'm going to tell these motherfuckers in Central Bank to wait for their request and not to construe everything as 'urgent' if they really are not. I mean, this is not a way to get people to deliver things the soonest just because they have some authority over Banks.

Screw them. To begin with, we do not have an information counter open up just to entertain to their whims and fancies queries. We each other have a lot of work to do and are basically paid to do that. None of us here are actually commissioned to entertain the Central Bank in any way what so ever. If only these people can get the point on this.

Plus, I would give them my due respect IF they have more banking knowledge and understanding than us, and are actually in the position to 'advice' the banks as how to manage the business. It is actually, always, the other way around, we end up sharing with them our best practices so these mother fuckers learns some Banking philosophy so that they can preach to the local Banks.

To me, and I believe to a lot of people as well, it doesn't warrant a single respect. And yet, they demand information is to be provided to them on ASAP basis every single time they fucking drop a mail.

Honestly, this is VERY wrong. And I am really writing my piece of opinion about this bunch of wankers.

Yes, you can consider that I despise them. Haha. Quote me.

Well, so much for gripping. I think I better stop this negative vibes before it goes out of hand. I better go get my fix of healthy mojo now... definitely a better post the next time around... *cheers*

Crusing...

So what's next?

I'm serious about opening a tea shop and I'm serious that I want to quit my job once I get the tea right. Or maybe I can consider it as early retirement from the corporate scene. Cehhhh!

Haha.

But in all seriousness, I am serious.

I'm feeling better though there has been a series of short and urgent deliverable being tasked to each countries around the globe to revert to New York because some smart ass working in Fed is asking for some numbers.

Oh well, no use bitching but I just hope whoever it is who has such inconvenience imposed unto the many hundreds of employees around the world scrambling to provide these numbers within such a exhaustive short period, ought to be laid on a tar road and let the steam roller go over him/her over and again. Whoever that is.

Hehehe. I didn't say this with anger, I am saying this with no emotion what so ever attached. Pretty indifferent to such phenomenon already but I think people should be considerate and reasonable. Fucking Mat Salleh <-- this I am saying with irritation. Mild irritation. Haha.

I have been working quite a bit lately but with no stress attached. Just work, work, work with no emotions. I'm masking it all off because I have come to see that there is no point is being emotional about work. Just do it.

If anyone is to irritate or try being funny, all I have to do is smile, check if there is any damage to my career, if yes, damage control, then move on. If no, move on.

I really can't be bothered anymore and all I want to do is get the things right and get them submitted in time and go home.

Period.

Anyway, a little Kancil in yellow tailed me when I was returning home from work. I was saying to myself, "What is this fella thinking huh?" and we can't go faster than we could because there were cars in front on the 1st lane.

Finally, I let him through and I started tailing him till he gave up. Hahah. Even when he went to the 2nd lane, I continued tailing him until he went off to the 3rd lane.

Hahah. Just returning the favor...

But say whatever it is, the Kman is awesome. It never seize to make me smile, everytime I decide to go on a spree with it. Somehow, one of the best thing that happened to me.

Some people say having a kid is the best thing that happen to them, but I think if they have a chance to drive one of these awesome machines, they might beg to differ. Hahah. But anyway, it really depends on what really, a person looks for in life.

Will I ever have a next car? Yup, already decided. Haha. I will eventually (if God permits) get an Aston Martin Vantage. Black. *Drool* And, will TRY to keep my Kman too... *greedy*

Anyway, this year, I would not be able to raise funds for Sanctuary Home as I did for the past 2 years.

Looking at the mode of things happening, my time is pretty much cooked up with work and keeping cucumber cool. But I think I'll find a way to make it up to them. Not easy but let's see. I am toiling with the idea that I will buy them the school uniforms this time around. Let's see :-)

Well, I need to go now. Going to shower (I did a 7km run today, yahooo then yoga, double yahooo) and then do some tea homework... :-)

Life... is.good.

Re-Evaluation N Resolution

A week of pain, then giving up, then letting go.

Then re-evaluation. Then re-plan. Then tired.

That is how I have been feeling.

I have let go of all feelings of wanting to get things so ever right and so ever correct. Wanting hard to make my Boss happy and that I go beyond his expectation.

Then some asshole spoke to him about me for what-ever-the-fuck reason and asshole told me on my face about what the Boss thinks about me. Of course, asshole only tells me things which is unfavourable, apparently in the light of helping me out by giving me 'by-the-way' tips and advice.

I hate him.

I did share this with someone in the office, someone who believes wholeheartedly in him and of course, God damn stupid [but thinks she is smart and sharp, like who doesn't anyway... haha] just to spice things up. Probably, to get back at him hoping that she would have a mentioned about it to asshole that I do not like this crap.

Of course, I mentioned this to my immediate Boss whom asshole requested me not to share. I mean, if it is nothing to be worry about, why did asshole pulled me aside, asking not to share this piece with particularly my immediate Boss?

See. See the God damn politics.

Well, asshole may think everyone is like his strong supports who is blinded with all his pretense. Apparently.

It is O-K.

At least I have a choice in life and I am not stuck in the rut like him, every other day, struggling to keep this position intact because he can't fucking loose his job.

And with all the yada yada yada, I have decided to start venturing into one of those things I say I want to do 'one day.'

Well, every journey has to begin with the 1st step they say, so here, I am beginning my 1st step.

Unlike the Card business, which isn't very lucrative given today's modern day technology of e-mail greetings and all, I've solemnly decided to ditch it aside and remain it as my hobby. Don't think this Card thingy is a good idea, after all, in all business venture, it is about making money. Why do something that doesn't yield sufficiently even though it is something you are good at. Doesn't make dollar sense.

And therefore, the plan of making a brand name for myself in the tea industry was born. Of course, it would take time on the preliminary of things to cook up, and so, my journey has begin. I am planning out things, bit by bit because I want it to be that at a juncture in my life, say in a year or so, things start working out and I can start generating some income out of it. And eventually, I can safely bit Sayonara to this corporate world.

I'm VERY tired of the politics, the work and the entire works of the corporate world and therefore, it has come to a point where, I want an eventual way out with something I truly enjoy doing, and is my forte.

Of course things would not be easy, but honestly, given the hell I have been going through the whole of 2010, I don't think it could be any 'hell-ier' than this... hehehe.

At least, I call the shots, for once. I am in control and I hold the rein. I need not be victim of those fucking politics just because someone needs to hang on to their job and is intimidated by me.

Some stupid people still want to believe that people working in the corporate world has some sense of interest for others well-being. Grow up people. And these stupid people keeps telling me most often than not, people like asshole is doing things like that because he has honest concerns over my well being.

Read my lips, "If you are not good enough, you are just not good enough. So fuck off."

So there I'm done. So damn done. To extend that I could well up a wonderful poker face that is so unpredictable that no one would ever know and thought the extend of my loathsome to those certain individuals in the office.

Enough said.

On a lighter note. I actually have stop exercising ENTIRELY for 2 long weeks. Hehehe. Of course, it's nice not to move anything but somehow, in the mid of the week, it has caught up. I start feeling extremely lethargic, I look lethargic and even sound lethargic.

But in this break, I have decided that I would focus hard on 2 things. Ensure the sub-2 hours for a 21K is like a snap of fingers AND a nice 6 pacs abs for 2011. Focus. Heheheeh... Trust I could do it if I could just stay focus and focus. Hehe...

I would believe that if some ladies can attain that, and I work hard enough and am extremely discipline, at least a 4 pac would eventually turn up one fine day. Hehe...

To add on to that, I have confirmed that I loss some good 3kg which I have been lamenting about these recent few years.

One of the hardest things to do in the mid-30s is to lose weight for a female. I am a living testament. It is no longer about just dieting. It really is the entire works of it, plus plenty of discipline.

Healthy eating and regular exercise only keep you at your weight. So be thankful that you are not gaining. But the crust of the issue is to LOSE the kilos, lose body fats and gain more mass muscle. If a lady is already slim, then the issue would then be to maintain the youthful frame. Which, to me is another piece of challenge. Haha...

That is like one of life biggest challenge for every women in their 30s. Now, I truly understand the reason women in their 30s have problems looking awesome svelte. I truly, truly understand. Haha...

But anyway, it is true that nothing is easy as you get older. Everything comes with lots of effort but as I have said, there is no gift greater for yourself than taking great care of yourself.

So there... getting pretty serious these days... I'm just not in the mood to crack jokes at the moment... hehehe. Though the smiling and giggling part is still intact. Just that the feelings has been sober and thoughtful...

Till the next updates, I'm off for a short run, just to get some blood flowing and heart pumping... hastalavista...