Clinic

I have been up to lots of things. Firstly, my weekend was super busy with mum in KL and despite having the enough sleep and even some crazy exercise, I have left with nothing much of time to write.

It is already Thursday and I was officially on MC yesterday because the migraine struck me in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. I thought I could get away with some sleep but instead woke at 3am, with migraine dancing it's cha-cha pounding steps along my poor head. Bloody hell. I even had trouble going back to sleep but after the Panadols worked it's way up, it managed to doze me off.

I woke up at 7am, with my head still heavy at one side and I seemed to have tendencies for vertigo at that point, so I call it a day off. Thought I would wait for the shabby neighborhood doctor to open but she was still close at 10. Gosh, some people just don’t have any life urgency don’t they? What if I have this bleeding cut and blood has been spouting like a water hyderant since the wee hours of the morning?

I had to call that crap company vendor to get alternative clinics which are near the neighborhood otherwise, as usual, these people will give me a hard time on the medical bill claims. So there I was, jotting numbers and addresses of the clinics I have never heard off.

I found one who is at the other side of the neighborhood, far it may seemed to be but hell, when you need a doctor, you just need doctor. So I drove over. The nurse who was supposed to give me direction gave me all kinds of landmark which was homogenous, like Hong Leong Bank, workshop, Maybank and tyre shop. Sounds like everywhere to me.

When I drove around, I spotted the clinic and honest to God, all she had to say is," We are next to Sid's Pub." Gawd!!! That makes more sense because one don't get homogenous Sid Pub in a neighborhood.

Alas, the clinic I found. What an impressive one. Clean, air-conditioned, well kept and complete with in-one-piece magazines and pretty up to date ones too! I mean, if I am to compare to the one that I frequent, that clinic puts every clinic to shame because it's dirty, has only 1 fan on the ceiling top that turns like it is running on mere generator power, floor that looks like it has not been mopped since it was opened, all torn up magazines which dates back to 2003, sofas that are tattered and torn at most corners where all foams seemed to have collapse when one habors the ass on it and a toilet that could compete with the local coffee shop's.

I mean, this clinic doesn’t even require any card to fill my details and everything is pretty much computerized. It's like a visitation to Heaven and Hell [as far as I'm concerned]. When the doctor saw me, she even for her notea scribbled onto an ala i-pad along with recording the details of my problems, the recommended medication and everything else.

God, it was truly Heaven and Hell experience as far as I am concerned. Haha…

Which makes me wonder, why aren't some people not taking pride of the stuff they have choosen as their career. Whatmore a noble one like this. Why is it that some people just knows how to pocket what they think they deserve and never bother giving back, some way or rather. Funny.

Well so there, some experience to a clinic that made me ponder about people in general. Funny, people with similar things they do in life and yet their approach is entirely the oppose. Both surviving. Both giving the same purpose. Of course, I'll come back to the livilier and professional one... like all things we do...

3 Pisses In A Day

I was cheese yesterday. I lay silent about it.

 

Things that made me cheese yesterday:

 

1. That J lady called me as a matter-of-fact asking me a stupid advice out of the blue. She has not spoken to me for the at least a month or so. The last I wrote about her was on her silence when I send her a message asking how she is doing. Honest to God, she's crap.

 

And her stupid question was, if she should go to work since the doctor has issued her a week of MC after her 1 week leave break last week. And she is feeling guilty because they have just given her a promotion and she knows the office is short handed this week. Plus, it is not really that she's that sick not to be at work.

 

I asked how exactly she is feeling. And she said she is ok. But since the doctor has issued her a MC, she was thinking why not leverage on it since she can rest (note: she has this growth in her liver) well.

 

Maybe I'm just too objective minded. I find her question utterly stupid. I mean, the essence of an MC is to rest when one is chicken shit sick. Anyone will know what I mean by this. Chicken shit sick is those days when even sitting on a chair thinking would result in nothingness, grogginess and tiredness despite all the energy one can muster to jump start the brains and body to be working like a normal healthy human being. Those days when your eyes could not even focus at a single point without feeling a tinge of weariness and the whole body aches like there are tonnes of bricks laying on it. That is what I call chicken shit sick.

 

And her she is, having the ability to think and even contemplate jolly well if she should really go back to work since she has the avenue not to do so.

 

Plus, when she broke the news that she is got a promotion, she had to add on that though she has a promotion, it is nothing of my level of AVP or VP.

 

Now. I was irritated. But I kept my cool. If I had the whims and fancy to my bloody mouth, I would have reminded her I did not 'happen to' be there because someone thinks I am pretty or I have Masters or I am can write. Or that my name was Verniela Wii.

 

To begin with, I don't have an attitude like her about work. Then I don't bring personal problems and extra marital affairs to work and effect people around me in the office. Then I don't screw up my life and keep doing it despite good friends telling you not to. And I don't treat my friends like some dogs - only call when I badly need help and call the person "one of my best friend" just because I think she can help me with my screwed up life. And last but not least, I don't borrow money from people and treat it as a matter of fact it is ok to owe that long and being silent about it.

 

Who is she today?

 

Nobody. I just want my money back and I am determined to push the button and raise the pressure in July. That's like many months of interest free borrowings already.

 

Look, I am not even hard-up on the interest bit. I don't mind if it's for a friend who is in need. BUT, since this is how it is being put, I think I have the right to be mean.

 

Full stop.

 

2. The caretaker of the Home messaged me and said they are going for a trip this Wednesday and need money. Trip. I think I must be piss yesterday because for the many months of rental overdue, lack of really good nutritious food for the kids and lack of focus on quality upbringing, I am in the humble opinion that going for a trip during a school holiday for the orphans is totally unnecessary.

 

Like just last holiday I bought them packets of raw food so they can go on a trip to Port Dickson with decent food to eat for that 2 or so days because they were having this Church Christianing.

 

Like just last month end I settled a thousand plus ringgit of their rental though it is still owing for 2 months till todate.

 

I mean, I did spent a bit on the Home and she is still asking me for dough for a trip? Of all things, a trip? Common.

 

I know they are poor kids. I acknowledge their condition and my heart is with them whenever I think about the less fortunate. I feel for them.

 

But.

 

I don't like it when people treat me as if I have this huge money tree behind my backyard and openly ask me for money as if I could just bring the ladder on, climb on my tree, pick some money leaves for them and give them however much they want to in my rummy sack.

 

I wish life is really that easy. I really, really, really wish life is really, really, that easy.

 

I mean, these people who often ask me for money has no single idea the frustration, stress and heartache I go through at work. Not forgetting sacrifices and commitment I have pledged. No one in those category of people who ask me for money knows how hard I did work for my money and how tough it is to earn a living.

 

Only people who work hard for their money will know what I am talking about now. Only such people will truly understand what I am going through.

 

And for this people, put yourself in my shoes and ask how would you feel when people just conveniently ask money from you without much thoughts about it.

 

It's quite shitty ain't it?

 

Sigh. These people. I guess I sound mean to lots of extend but I can't help feeling sorry for myself for once. I know. Suddenly, I start being this selfish person who is so full of myself. Yeah, must be the alter-ego lurking now. Haha. But as I always say, I'm only human. Very, very, very human.

 

At times like this, I do wonder if I would have people around me to help me out if I ever am so screw up. You know. I really wonder if the world be that kind to me. Wow, now I'm going on a self pity mode and 'what-if.'

 

Anyway, enough said. I don't want to hackle on this issue overly. It's just one of those days.

 

To add on to my piss. Piss No. 3.

 

I spoke to one of my staff asking for something and that idiot kept quiet. I repeated myself and asked what's he so busy with and he continued to keep quiet. What the fucking hell was that?

 

I mean, it is mere simple basic fundamental. I don't even need to be the supervisor to be answering the other person. Anyone as a matter of fact who ask a question ought to be answered. It's pure simple bloody respect.

 

Idiot. I hate disrespectful people. I honestly do. Sometimes people just take me for granted for being nice and not cocky.

 

I mean what, do people have to be cocky just to get some attention and frighten respect? What bloody common sense is that?

 

There. 3 pisses. 1 more is about Eugene nagging me about not doing housework. I'm partly to be blame for that so I'm not counting that in. So 3. Just 3 plain rubbish from ungrateful and unthoughtful people… I ain't apologizing for calling you all that. Not for this one.

 

Then and Now

Now, I have officially confirm that I will not be running the KL Marathon. I don't even want to ask if ever I will. I mean I have ran it before but I never did the Half with KL Mara. Oh well. Sweat not.

I'm reevaluating my exercise regime at this moment. Some idiot (said with love) lamented I'll be gaining weight with this halt of exercise since I am definitely not training for the half. I beg to defer so I have gotten myself things-to-do everyday so I would be enough fit for at least a decent duathalon, by then. In fact, the very fact of a 5km run - 12km cycle - 5km run isn't putting me in awe, I am putting my focus on this. I could easily do it today but it is just about the matter of timing.

Apparently, world standard finishes them in +/- 50 mins. Hahah. Technically at my standards now, I finish them within 2 hours. Hahahah. So let's see if I could improve on this and one day get my fat ass into a real dualathon race and check where I fair.

I'll be doing some decent mild trail running today since I'm in Malacca now with Susan (if her knees are permitting her). I think that trail at most would bring us about 6-7km. No sweat.

I have not been exercising anyway for the past 1 week. I did yoga on Friday with extreme arm strength focus and it ended up soaring till even today. Yesterday, my body and mind is just so sluggish to bring my entire self for even a short run around my mum's neighborhood. Don't ask. I ended up playing a 15-30 mins badminton with my 12 year old cousin sister with mere strokes over the house fence! Haha. Laugh if you must. I am. But I sweated beads.

It was one of those racket in one hand, with house clothes on, flip flops, and hitting the shuttle cock over the fence between my mum's house and her mum's house kinda event. It was fun. I miss this kind of things actually.

I mean, when I was young, my evenings were never about playing the computer or play station. They were spend cycling the housing estates around Paya Ikan and Bukit Baru where I learnt the short cuts between places and the nooks and corners of everywhere. We never had such thing about changing into cycling gear or wearing bicycle helmets or knee or elbow guards for that matter.

Besides, we play badminton on the tarred road between our terrace houses with the neighbours' kids on loose gravels all around our imaginary badminton court. At most, a spare slipper is used to mark the net position. On good days we get stale air so playing badminton with supposedly some 'standards' were viable. We generally played with our slippers, whatever shorts and tees we were wearing at home and whatever shuttlecock we could get our hands on. We don't specifically lace up to even shoes to play interesting badminton. We don't have to. And nobody laughs at that. In fact, someone will ask us if there is anything wrong if we took some pride in wearing a pair of sport shoes just to play badminton by the roadside.

On balmy days, we will have the ludicrous wind blowing, deliriously pushing our shuttle onto mango trees planted around the houses, rooftops or even drains. So when that happens too often in a row, we will just diversify and try flying kites instead. I mean, why go against things which are not moving in tandem to your intentions?

Homework and revisions are done after dinner. Till whatever time we go to sleep. Afternoons after school is spent with tuition (if any) or napping or just struggling to complete the God damn homework. And at often 5pm, the RTM (Radio Television Malaysia) would officiate its air time on cartoons. At one time in my life, I could recall by heart, which cartoon are to be aired between Mondays till Fridays. Don't ask.

And at 4pm, without much fail, I practise my piano if there is something nice on TV at 5pm. Otherwise, 5pm would be it. I start off with scales, then pieces which I'm supposed to learn during my Sunday piano classes, over and over and over again. Till perfection.

6pm would be a no-one-must-make-noise time because that is when those Cantonese series movies get aired on national TV. Kong-Kong would scold if I overcast his movie time with my imperfect piano playing. Oh well. So 6pm is the official time I get out of the house to cycle, play badminton or whatever else the heart feels like doing.

Such is my life then as a Malacca girl. Pretty mundane. Pretty unhappening. And so at times, when I ponder over my ordinary life, I wonder if I would end up like everyone else in future. Grow older, get some higher education, graduate at least (because that is what my parents want me to do), be an adult, get a decent job, find someone special and get married, have a family and then live happily ever after.

I did thought that would have been ideal. I did thought that would be the best. And I can't figure out what more I wanted out of it.

I innocently do not know about real ambition and those dreams like being a doctor, lawyer or business women were mere dreams that is to be filled into those yearly report card just so, people have dreams and ambition. I didn't know people could actually work towards it and be it one day. Not for me. But for people who are smarter than me yes. For people whose family is richer than me yes. And for people who are more capable than me, yes. I never thought I would be part of those people who would lead a corporate life and achieve things. Never.

But as I grew older into my teens, my added on was wanting a good job, means to travel around, marry a good man and have family with kids.

And boy, look at me. Just look at me now. *laughing*

So all I can say is, things change. People change. And it is alright to change so long it brings you happiness and it brings the best out of you. It does not matter what you feel then even thought it is completely different from now because by end of the day, you are living for yourself. Why sweat over what you previously thought as opposed to what you now think. Life's just too short. We need to be able to get out, enjoy our lives the way we want to NOW. That is actually all that matters to me... cest la vie...

My Current State of Affair

Weekend came with open arms but now it's going to leave me in a few hours like a lover flying back to his home over the other side of the world. That is always how I deeply feel for weekends.

I went back to Malacca for a family reunion. Reunion it was. I haven't seen so many people for quite awhile. It was as usual chaotic. We had everyone at the restaurant looking at a bunch of 50 people laughing like hyena or screaming. Talking like the world is indeed their oyster. Laughing like the world is everything to them. Climbing on chairs like we were at home while taking pictures.and those sort of things we do. It was a chaos.

I was safely in the comforts of my bed by 2am. Extremely sleepy and wishing it wouldn't have been Sunday when I open my eyes. But days can't be cheated. Days don't jump forward faster or skip ahead as we like it to be. More so days don't move slower or faster we wish it to be. Days are fair accounts in any or every circumstances, regardless. In fact, they are pretty impersonal and impartial. They just work everyday, minding their business.

And as I am having my legs massaged at this moment I am already looking forward for the coming weekend when I will be going back Malacca again, this time in my K-man. I can't wait.

The longest push and rav I have had with the car was a mere 1km max. So this time on the stretch of 120km odd of highway, with bare minimal car (we'll push off far late or far early), the car will be able to show itself off. Ah, finally!

Notwithstanding that, I'll finally also get my Prince a good tint I need so badly. Yay!

Anyway just yesterday before I left for Malacca, I got Romeo and Juliet. Oh, I mean, I got 2 baby terrapins. While it's too tiny to rightly determine their gender, I am taking assumption they will be a boy and a girl after all. Oh well, sweat not. When they are old enough to see the gender, I'll change their names if I have to... Then till, Romeo and Juliet it is.

At this point, I have yet to decide if I would be running for the half marathon this 27th. I have this feeling of unpreparedness now. My stamina has yet to reach the desired peak and my strength is insufficient to pace me through hills and valleys throughout the 21kms within a good 2 hours or so.

As such that I feel utterly pointless to dwell into the marathon. I mean, why run if I'm pretty certain I'll be qualifying for the below-good-standards of a half marathoner. That is my point.

But I'm not giving up hopes just yet. My training regime is still on so pray. Pray that I will be ready by that week. If I can't, no sweat, there are always marathons around.

I'm just not putting any form of pressure unto myself because I have enough stress at work already. And life is really too short for this sort of pressure or worry. Plus I haven't taken the effort to see the specialist about that knee...

Well, enough is said and done. This coming week will be pretty intense at work with so many visitors. I do wish they will leave us alone and let us live happily ever after but who am I kidding right? Who am I kidding? Haha...

Piece of Insult

I have actually nothing much to write per se except that I have been busy with work, busy with work and busy with work.

During the weekends I have been busy with the car, the car and the car.

That is the status of my current life. Oh, not forgetting I'm having this round of card orders coming through to fill me with interesting and irritating request. I mean, some people are nice, but people aren't. And at this point, I am just so picky. I only choose to make cards for people who are nice to me. Haha.

Which reminds me that, there is still a girl who has not paid me for my card. Her 101 excuses included forgetting her e-mail password so she could not access into her account to check the bank account number I have given her, then asked again and I gave her, and now silence.

Honest to God, if you are that sincere, just fucking do it. Don't give me excuses. Plus if she feels she doesn't have the money to pay me, tell me. I might just  give her for free. Afterall, I make cards for my friends and relatives birthday. What big deal it is to give away one?

I'm no longer interested to write to her to remind. It's just RM10. I just can't be bothered. And because of 1 rotten apple, I am no longer willing to courier the card out before the money is confirmed credited into the bank account. It's sad to say, these days people just can't leave it to trust and honesty.

And to add to it, she's one of those Malay girl who gives this potrays how saintly, innocent and sweet in headscarf of a person she is in her blog. So, honestly, these people with such presentation of themselves is just plain bullshit.

Ok enough to insults. Boy, when I'm in the mood for such things, I tend to have a long list of things to say about people.

While people may just remind me that I ain't good myself, my point is, I ain't the best but I sure ain't a bad paymaster and I sure ain't pretending to be what I am not in front of people.

Anyway, the lady named J has not returned the money I lent her. I e-mailed her to ask how she's doing but she doesn't have the cheek to reply. Oh Well. Eugene asked me if I ever have thoughts IF she will not return me the dough. I really don't know but I believe, if she's good hearted as claimed herself always to be, she would. It's just a matter of time.

I am now being asked to attend some stupid meeting on behalf of someone. Crap shit. I have to go. The secretary has called.