Thank You

It’s funny how we Asians don’t celebrate Thanksgiving but since Boss actually sent a thank you note to us all for our work and welcoming him wholeheartedly, the bug got into me [plus I’m done with work and I’m free for the day].

 

So here I am writing this note.

 

I have many people to thank. But I don’t think I want to thank them with goodness-me long teary thank you. I’m quite over those sentimental stuff at this stage [I hope I would not become the eventual bitter old lady that walks around with her cane and hiss at everyone that blocks her path ha ha].

 

Anyway, there it goes.

 

No. 1: Eugene

 

Eugene, I probably never say this enough to you but I want to thank you for loving me because I trust this is the greatest gift of all that a person can ever have. I thank you for being my bestest friend, my partner in crime in many non-exercise related matters (ha ha) from eating, to lazing around, to shopping, to bitching, to swearing, to living life, to travelling around and to enjoying life together. I thank you even to be always watching out for me in practically everything and to be reminding me of the things that I conveniently forget half of the time. Of course, above it all, I thank you for being my life partner.

 

No. 2: Mum

 

Mum, thank you, thank you, thank you. I thank you for bringing me up. I thank you for now being my best friend. I thank you now for being a person wiser than you never think you are. Your span of understanding and openness always got me at ‘hello.’ Thank you for being an awesome mother. Definitely, my life successes belongs to you. Not forgetting, I’m also a proud daughter to have you as a mum. So there, thank you for being the G-R-E-A-T mum.

 

No. 3: Danny

 

My other best friend. Thank you for being the brother who is always there for me. Thank you for the company as the only sibling I ever have. Thank you for always watching out for me. Thank you for enlightening and amusing me always with your ways and idiosyncrasies. Thank you for being just, my brother. PS: Get well on that leg then, get healthy after that… heh heh…

 

No. 4: Peter

 

Thank you for being my trustiest and sincerest friend. I can’t say more. Thank you for being that person who is always impartial over every matter and is always cooler than cucumber as opposed to me, the hot headed chilli.

 

No. 5: Adrian

 

Thank you for amusing me and listening to my yakking when you have the time.

 

No. 6: My Colleagues

 

I don’t want to name names in case they get misquoted or misunderstood. But nevertheless, you all know who you are – thank you for always giving me the endless support [tho I know I might sometimes be a pain], the time to make me understand things I don’t seemed to be able to get into my thick skull, watching out for me, helping me, amusing me, irritating me, being my lunch partner, providing me junks to munch when I’m so ever famished, accepting and keeping me as part of your herd and for making the office a palatable place to work for 8-12 hours a day. Thank you. But those of you who hate me, I thank you for hating me too. The feeling is mutual. Hah hah. I won’t have it any other way :-p

 

There, I’m done. I can’t figure out who else. If they are important, they would have popped up almost immediately at the top of my mind right.

 

No. 7: The Readers to this Blog

 

You know who you are but I only know where you are from. Thank you for reading my garbage and thank you for coming by. I hope my cynic and sarcasm have not caught up with you and thanks for bearing with my attitude all the time. It must have been tough sometimes, reading my bitchiness. Thank you for having that patience, understanding and yet, still finding them entertaining to continue on reading. Thanks.

 

Wooooo. Happy Thanksgiving.

 

All In A Day of A Rested Soul

For once since a long time [a time I can't recall] ago, my brains and body are talking in 1 same language - no need to exercise!

Yes, despite not having a single itinerary on or plan from now till the time I get to bed, it's quite an awesome feeling.

For once, I feel great having not to run or even walk or even cycle or even do some yoga or even do something.

For once, I feel so free and liberated that I am not bound by anything over a period of time and it sure is fucking great feeling this way.

It's been awhile.

Yes, I've read a bit, I scantily went through the Angkor book, just to touch base on grounds I've missed. Not too bad, I now know the Hindu Trinity - Vishnu, Shiva and Brahma. How Ramayana came about from these 3 fellas and the list goes. Not too bad. I learnt something new today.

I got a book on Stress Management. As usual, I skimmed through it [only proper books with story lines could win my undivided attention of reading word for word, sentence for sentence] and found nothing much I don't know about stress. So I think I would just wrap it up and give it to my brother who most times, need some stress management to pull him through his super duper busy life. Hah hah.

My thought suddenly came to buying myself a better camera which could allow me to focus well enough and capture moments. I have been wanting to do that for awhile but most times, I'm too lazy having to lug that gadget around everywhere I go. Yet, most often that not, I have caught glimpse of point and views which I always tell myself, "Hey, this would be a nice shot if someone is to capture it on camera." Or even, "Darn, if only I have a camera now."

Then again, I'll let this thought pass because I don't think I want to get into photography. I have just too many passion to live by. Haha. Honestly. I have more than I can handle. Besides, I don't fancy taking pictures, I fancy enjoying the pictures more than anything else. So you'll always here the 'Wow' "So nice" "Wahhhh" and "OMG, this is beyond words."

Yesterday, I caught "Eat, Pray, Love" and I can't help myself falling in love with life. I can't help smiling over the spaghetti, the pizzas, the life Italy has that we normally forget that we can also have, the meditation, simplicity of life in India, the glow that immerse from inner peace and contentment, the tropical lifestyle in Bali, falling in love with love itself and enjoying the moment in life that life has for us...

It's a good movie, even better, read the book, it's invigorating. I felt it like those bead scrub that you use on your face weekly just to get rid of stubborn dirt and grim and dead cells. After the ritual, you always been softer, glowy and ravished. That sort of feeling.

So when everything is all goody but when my thoughts linger back about work, that is when you will see that small cringe on the forehead, the disappearing glow and inner smile.

What has work gotten into me? Hmm, I supposed, I need to find that equilibrium that I used to muster so well. It can't be that after 12 crazy years of corporate climbing, I am starting to break right? The batter would have been tougher than a stale dried flour... Hehe...

Well, for one, I'm getting back my sense of humor. So I supposed, that is good news. Anyway, I don't even have anything in mind to do now (see what happens when a person breaks her routine, like no running or yoga or cycle or bla bla bla), the weather is fantastic and I'm sad to say, my other conscious mind, is poking me with the Devil's fork wondering if I should just get out there and walk up the hills. Why?

It's a lovely day, it has ended with just- after- rain feel where the air is fresh and clean.

Ah, I think I better pick a good book and read myself silly. It'll be a better thing for my well being. Looking at things now, the neck is at its road to REAL recovery and I might as well, not take the chances and break the entire healing and get back to square 1.

Afterall also, now that to me, my running the distance regime is officially over for me, I am hanging my shoes (not in literal sense, I'll be running with shorter distances that doesn't make me puke from over running) and needing to take up yoga in intense to build more strength so that I would be ready for the next challenge. I so need this break.

And yoga means, I must have a recovered neck muscles to do head stands and whatever else poises that required shouldering the neck strength.

So much for now... I've actually listed the names of people to give up Xmas presents, so as time goes by, I'll take my time, wrapping them up and labelling them for the folks.

At the same time, for those whom I don't feel much of spending on gifts, I've decided to write a personal thank you note for being a nice person in my life (mostly work colleagues who have relentless helped me out without prejudice of intentions).

There. Enough rambling for today. I'm going to have an early dinner now because I'm actually starving. Hastalavista beh-bay.

Cleaning Up

As I vehemently gallop through the last 2 months of 2010, I must say I am getting very tired.

My tiredness covers pretty much everything - the mental and emotional state. And I am at the point where I just want to stop short of the things I've been struggling with and stay quiet, still like a haunted lake, where not even a single ripple dare rippling itself.

Today was one of those days, I took an MC and stay put home, just to chill off my stiff neck. That got my thoughts lingering on everything I have stowed ever since I have decided to fully focus on my work, to be a dedicated corporate asshole.

When thoughts of such comes flooding by, it is when I realised the magnitude I'm missing the other side of me who is, practically, literally me. I miss being me.

Life what exactly you may ask?

Well for one, my creative juices have stopped flowing, instead I'm much into the flow of the boring, conservative, mediocre Joes and Jennies on the street. I have REALLY stashed those bits of me off into some cold storage freezer somewhere up in North Pole.

Then come my soul on writing. I tend to feel I have nothing much to say already. I tend to feel I don't want to say anything and lay numb. After that, IF I do have something to really say, I tend to say very boring things that people would find a noose to hang them self rather than listening to me. Even when I read some recent stuff I have written, I bore myself to death, I would open the window pane of the 20th storey of KLCC Twin Tower to jump.

There is lack of sparks, witticism and the mojo.

And above it all, I find that I have been very grumpy lately. My level of patience have ceased by abundance. Somehow it has eloped with Creative to a faraway land. I bet they are happier wherever they are now, running through fresh green meadows of lavenders, butterflies flipping their colorful wings adding on to the canvas of purple bloom, along with a backdrop of rainbow and clear blue skies, hand-in-hand they together daze around. Away from this concrete jungle filled with hoards of Malicious, Cruel and Selfish character, thriving day in and out like a parasite on Envy and Hypocrite. Imagine Gotham City.

Oh yes, I forgot, Humor is now just 1 feet more to joining Creative and Patience.

If you ask me, I'm honestly packing my bags to join them soon. I just want to leave these little Gotham City of mine and go with the jolly folks to Joyland. To my surprise, I have killed off several energy vampires in my life, now cleaning off some garbage filled with vomit and leftovers by several assholes. It'll take awhile I am sure but I believe, it would even get cleaned if I am to persevere.

Well enough said, I'm going back to cleaning the sheets now (shit rather), so here, wearing back my apron and putting on the mask and gloves. Dettol, come here now, I need you. This is one tough shit.

Moving On After Haitus

Can't believe time flies and it has almost been a month long that this blog gets posted. How time flies.

I haven't been in the mood and right frame to write coupled with the fact that everything is happening all at once in my everyday life. I guess, this is what happens when one gets overwhelmed with everything there is to. It gets worst when there don't seemed to be a yardstick to hold on while the current splashes through.

What I typically realized is, actually, it is not all that berserk as I see it to be now that I'm in a more focus and rested state.

I guess that is the reason people just need a break. As in 'break'-ing the flow of stress and craziness to get mojo moving again.

Within the month of absence, much has happened.

We were scheduled to fly to Nepal and as all shit that could happened, it happened. The flight back got cancelled and it got me into a mess. A week before taking off, I had no where to go because most agencies could not get anything sane arranged in such a short span. THANK YOU Nepal Airlines! THANK YOU.

Of course, the arrangement and argument of getting back my fully paid holiday was the deal, then the de-tour to 'somewhere' was another thing to look into.

At that point I was saying, "God, you must be playing a joke on me knowing that I badly needed a break. First it was Italy where you had Mother Nature brewing her smoke with one of those volcanoes up North, then for no apparently reason, the airlines cancelled its flight back to Malaysia now that I am due to be in Kathmandu in a week." I'll pull this through though as if, I had to. It wasn't anymore a choice.

"If this a test or what God?" To see if really that I needed this break, badly.

So Siem Reap was the pick this time. With nothing much in hope and plan, Angkor we went. It was awesome. Angkor especially. Of course with Eugene around, a 3 day tour around Angkor City became a 3 hour tour. That was the extend of 'appreciation' we had for the wonder, at that point.

I went through the guide and of course, I realised, there were a bunch of stuff I have thoroughly missed. Like missing a point in a sentence. So yes, Angkor, I will be back.

But beyond this wonder, Siem Reap to me was more than just Angkor and Cambodia. It was about appreciating Cambodia as it is on the face. The food, the people and the life style. So when someone said, there is 'nothing' in Siem Reap, that is so utterly wrong. There is and it works like an unassuming person. You need some time to get to know her better.

To top that, being poor, Cambodia is cheap for tourist. Food, nightlife, hanging out, accommodation, massages. You name it, are cheap, comparatively with touristy places like Bali, Samui, Phuket, Krabi and even our local touristy places like Lang Tengah or Perhentian.

Work on the other hand has been chaos. I guess the new Boss has its different stroke and adapting to his ways is taking a toll ass much as I had my adjustments when the previous Boss came by. So now that it is in month 4, I feel 60% adjusted. Things I believe are looking positively settling as the months go by.

Of course, when I returned from Siem Reap, I have discovered several sour stuff in the office [of course, when you get on the back seat, everything tends to become clear]. One, I realized this particular individual who has been rather close to me is nothing but a bag of pessimism [everything and everyone around her seemed to be wrong] and inflated ego [she literally told me several times that she has what it takes to go to the next level despite the very fact that she can't speak a decent sentence of English and carry herself enough well, her version of 'carry herself well' is the ability to speak to people around the office in that infamous 'pasar' mode and her version of 'good presentation' skills is her ability to present elementary stuff to elementary people. She thinks her skill of getting along with people generally meant she is ready for the next level, apparently. She even said when her boss graded her 2, she told him that is nothing new].

If you ask me for my 2 cent worth of opinion on her - she's utterly crap shit. Just like that J ex-friend I've ditched. Not forgetting, she has this kiasu-ism attitude in her. I am made to feel that very much like that SOL, everything or anything that people have, she has this inclination to 'must have' to.

I mean, honest to God, some people need to realized if you are not 'there', you are just not there. If you are not a sloan, you are just not a sloan. Simple. If you are not an English ed, you are just not an English ed.

Two, I have come to realised that there is something about a particular race that can't quite get up to the standards of the other race [kill me, call me a lunatic racist pig]. Thus far in my career, I have yet to meet that race of folks who can be as dedicated as a dedicated other races AND at the same time, savvy in his/her work. I have thusfarm come across only those with either one of the attribute, but never both. That is my point.

And sometimes, these people do hold me back for being around. Though I am still as always, open about accepting everyone regardless, I can't help it when shit happens.

And so, the when I return from my break and find that not everything is as perfect as I wanted it to be, I got irritated. Like why isn't things being looked into as I have specifically instructed. Or it is really me, being a lady, has this tendency to be petty?

Three, there are people in the office who wants to see me fail. What is new? Sometimes, I wish upon this little twinkling star above my head that people like this could just give up their green eye galore over me. As I have said before, I have proven myself over and again and if one doesn't have it, one just don't have it. After all, my career success has totally nothing to do with their success. It is not that my promotion would result in a cut in their increment or bonus. I mean, we are 2 different people, paving our own career path and therefore I don't see how it is that we could collide and cause such people grieve and ill intentions.

But looking at a positive note, there will always be such people in your life and there will always be retribution to people of such kind. Such is the world.

Four, a lot of people around me has this thing about calculating everything they have in their life. From money, to the number of things, from the food they eat, to the life they live and to even the extend of their well being. I'm tired. Tired having to hear their calculation about everything. I mean, why can't it be that these people hang loose? Like just letting everything go and just do what must be done and enjoy the rest of the evening.

It has come to a point that it tires me to extends that I just shut off. People around me are no longer about living their life (only left with that far few). It's all about being better than the next person and the zest to their life is about just that. I mean, where has life sweetness gone? Who is actually appreciating that?

Let's put it this way, when I got back from Siem Reap, all people wanted to know is how much I have spent, if it is expensive, what is there to see, what did I do for that 4 days. When I said, nothing much except, Angkor, Pub Street, running and sleeping, people actually give me the disappointed look. Like why is it that I need to get to Siem Reap to sleep and run? No one was even interested to know Angkor beyond it being an ancient temple. In their mind, they were busy calculating if it is worth their money and time to see Angkor.

How much is my hotel they ask? Because to these people putting up in a 5-star just to sleep is a waste of money. And so, it is always that between us, there is nothing in common.

People don't see my point, and I refuse to see their point. I refuse to be putting unnecessary stress to my life looking at their paradigm - a platform that forever calculates their life away. I mean, that is really not the way to live by till a ripe 80 years old

Five, I caught up with a friend for lunch yesterday. Someone I don't really fancy but she has her plus point that I still can consider her my friend. She has gone through a lot in her life recently, which could change people. I choose to see her experiences as eye openers to different perspectives. But from what I have gathered, instead of coming out positively, she went the other way around coupled with the fact that she refuse to leave what is done and said as what has been done as said and move on.

So much so that I find her company tiresome. There is no use and point if we can't leave behind what is done and move towards better things. There is also no use to linger on the same piss or bitter feeling over the same thing over and again. The question is, what are we doing about it?

Of course, like the first person I have mentioned, same syndrome of ego and pessimism. And with that, I felt I no longer wish to linger around people of this sort. I'm so done with them. I so want to be far away from these energy vampires.

So there, I've summed my thoughts from the 1 month of absence.

I'm just so done with a lot of people and a lot of things, that I am so glad I am getting on with my journey again, with plenty of peace in mind and a favourable looking one ahead.

More to come, indeed.