Can't believe time flies and it has almost been a month long that this blog gets posted. How time flies.
I haven't been in the mood and right frame to write coupled with the fact that everything is happening all at once in my everyday life. I guess, this is what happens when one gets overwhelmed with everything there is to. It gets worst when there don't seemed to be a yardstick to hold on while the current splashes through.
What I typically realized is, actually, it is not all that berserk as I see it to be now that I'm in a more focus and rested state.
I guess that is the reason people just need a break. As in 'break'-ing the flow of stress and craziness to get mojo moving again.
Within the month of absence, much has happened.
We were scheduled to fly to Nepal and as all shit that could happened, it happened. The flight back got cancelled and it got me into a mess. A week before taking off, I had no where to go because most agencies could not get anything sane arranged in such a short span. THANK YOU Nepal Airlines! THANK YOU.
Of course, the arrangement and argument of getting back my fully paid holiday was the deal, then the de-tour to 'somewhere' was another thing to look into.
At that point I was saying, "God, you must be playing a joke on me knowing that I badly needed a break. First it was Italy where you had Mother Nature brewing her smoke with one of those volcanoes up North, then for no apparently reason, the airlines cancelled its flight back to Malaysia now that I am due to be in Kathmandu in a week." I'll pull this through though as if, I had to. It wasn't anymore a choice.
"If this a test or what God?" To see if really that I needed this break, badly.
So Siem Reap was the pick this time. With nothing much in hope and plan, Angkor we went. It was awesome. Angkor especially. Of course with Eugene around, a 3 day tour around Angkor City became a 3 hour tour. That was the extend of 'appreciation' we had for the wonder, at that point.
I went through the guide and of course, I realised, there were a bunch of stuff I have thoroughly missed. Like missing a point in a sentence. So yes, Angkor, I will be back.
But beyond this wonder, Siem Reap to me was more than just Angkor and Cambodia. It was about appreciating Cambodia as it is on the face. The food, the people and the life style. So when someone said, there is 'nothing' in Siem Reap, that is so utterly wrong. There is and it works like an unassuming person. You need some time to get to know her better.
To top that, being poor, Cambodia is cheap for tourist. Food, nightlife, hanging out, accommodation, massages. You name it, are cheap, comparatively with touristy places like Bali, Samui, Phuket, Krabi and even our local touristy places like Lang Tengah or Perhentian.
Work on the other hand has been chaos. I guess the new Boss has its different stroke and adapting to his ways is taking a toll ass much as I had my adjustments when the previous Boss came by. So now that it is in month 4, I feel 60% adjusted. Things I believe are looking positively settling as the months go by.
Of course, when I returned from Siem Reap, I have discovered several sour stuff in the office [of course, when you get on the back seat, everything tends to become clear]. One, I realized this particular individual who has been rather close to me is nothing but a bag of pessimism [everything and everyone around her seemed to be wrong] and inflated ego [she literally told me several times that she has what it takes to go to the next level despite the very fact that she can't speak a decent sentence of English and carry herself enough well, her version of 'carry herself well' is the ability to speak to people around the office in that infamous 'pasar' mode and her version of 'good presentation' skills is her ability to present elementary stuff to elementary people. She thinks her skill of getting along with people generally meant she is ready for the next level, apparently. She even said when her boss graded her 2, she told him that is nothing new].
If you ask me for my 2 cent worth of opinion on her - she's utterly crap shit. Just like that J ex-friend I've ditched. Not forgetting, she has this kiasu-ism attitude in her. I am made to feel that very much like that SOL, everything or anything that people have, she has this inclination to 'must have' to.
I mean, honest to God, some people need to realized if you are not 'there', you are just not there. If you are not a sloan, you are just not a sloan. Simple. If you are not an English ed, you are just not an English ed.
Two, I have come to realised that there is something about a particular race that can't quite get up to the standards of the other race [kill me, call me a lunatic racist pig]. Thus far in my career, I have yet to meet that race of folks who can be as dedicated as a dedicated other races AND at the same time, savvy in his/her work. I have thusfarm come across only those with either one of the attribute, but never both. That is my point.
And sometimes, these people do hold me back for being around. Though I am still as always, open about accepting everyone regardless, I can't help it when shit happens.
And so, the when I return from my break and find that not everything is as perfect as I wanted it to be, I got irritated. Like why isn't things being looked into as I have specifically instructed. Or it is really me, being a lady, has this tendency to be petty?
Three, there are people in the office who wants to see me fail. What is new? Sometimes, I wish upon this little twinkling star above my head that people like this could just give up their green eye galore over me. As I have said before, I have proven myself over and again and if one doesn't have it, one just don't have it. After all, my career success has totally nothing to do with their success. It is not that my promotion would result in a cut in their increment or bonus. I mean, we are 2 different people, paving our own career path and therefore I don't see how it is that we could collide and cause such people grieve and ill intentions.
But looking at a positive note, there will always be such people in your life and there will always be retribution to people of such kind. Such is the world.
Four, a lot of people around me has this thing about calculating everything they have in their life. From money, to the number of things, from the food they eat, to the life they live and to even the extend of their well being. I'm tired. Tired having to hear their calculation about everything. I mean, why can't it be that these people hang loose? Like just letting everything go and just do what must be done and enjoy the rest of the evening.
It has come to a point that it tires me to extends that I just shut off. People around me are no longer about living their life (only left with that far few). It's all about being better than the next person and the zest to their life is about just that. I mean, where has life sweetness gone? Who is actually appreciating that?
Let's put it this way, when I got back from Siem Reap, all people wanted to know is how much I have spent, if it is expensive, what is there to see, what did I do for that 4 days. When I said, nothing much except, Angkor, Pub Street, running and sleeping, people actually give me the disappointed look. Like why is it that I need to get to Siem Reap to sleep and run? No one was even interested to know Angkor beyond it being an ancient temple. In their mind, they were busy calculating if it is worth their money and time to see Angkor.
How much is my hotel they ask? Because to these people putting up in a 5-star just to sleep is a waste of money. And so, it is always that between us, there is nothing in common.
People don't see my point, and I refuse to see their point. I refuse to be putting unnecessary stress to my life looking at their paradigm - a platform that forever calculates their life away. I mean, that is really not the way to live by till a ripe 80 years old
Five, I caught up with a friend for lunch yesterday. Someone I don't really fancy but she has her plus point that I still can consider her my friend. She has gone through a lot in her life recently, which could change people. I choose to see her experiences as eye openers to different perspectives. But from what I have gathered, instead of coming out positively, she went the other way around coupled with the fact that she refuse to leave what is done and said as what has been done as said and move on.
So much so that I find her company tiresome. There is no use and point if we can't leave behind what is done and move towards better things. There is also no use to linger on the same piss or bitter feeling over the same thing over and again. The question is, what are we doing about it?
Of course, like the first person I have mentioned, same syndrome of ego and pessimism. And with that, I felt I no longer wish to linger around people of this sort. I'm so done with them. I so want to be far away from these energy vampires.
So there, I've summed my thoughts from the 1 month of absence.
I'm just so done with a lot of people and a lot of things, that I am so glad I am getting on with my journey again, with plenty of peace in mind and a favourable looking one ahead.
More to come, indeed.
I haven't been in the mood and right frame to write coupled with the fact that everything is happening all at once in my everyday life. I guess, this is what happens when one gets overwhelmed with everything there is to. It gets worst when there don't seemed to be a yardstick to hold on while the current splashes through.
What I typically realized is, actually, it is not all that berserk as I see it to be now that I'm in a more focus and rested state.
I guess that is the reason people just need a break. As in 'break'-ing the flow of stress and craziness to get mojo moving again.
Within the month of absence, much has happened.
We were scheduled to fly to Nepal and as all shit that could happened, it happened. The flight back got cancelled and it got me into a mess. A week before taking off, I had no where to go because most agencies could not get anything sane arranged in such a short span. THANK YOU Nepal Airlines! THANK YOU.
Of course, the arrangement and argument of getting back my fully paid holiday was the deal, then the de-tour to 'somewhere' was another thing to look into.
At that point I was saying, "God, you must be playing a joke on me knowing that I badly needed a break. First it was Italy where you had Mother Nature brewing her smoke with one of those volcanoes up North, then for no apparently reason, the airlines cancelled its flight back to Malaysia now that I am due to be in Kathmandu in a week." I'll pull this through though as if, I had to. It wasn't anymore a choice.
"If this a test or what God?" To see if really that I needed this break, badly.
So Siem Reap was the pick this time. With nothing much in hope and plan, Angkor we went. It was awesome. Angkor especially. Of course with Eugene around, a 3 day tour around Angkor City became a 3 hour tour. That was the extend of 'appreciation' we had for the wonder, at that point.
I went through the guide and of course, I realised, there were a bunch of stuff I have thoroughly missed. Like missing a point in a sentence. So yes, Angkor, I will be back.
But beyond this wonder, Siem Reap to me was more than just Angkor and Cambodia. It was about appreciating Cambodia as it is on the face. The food, the people and the life style. So when someone said, there is 'nothing' in Siem Reap, that is so utterly wrong. There is and it works like an unassuming person. You need some time to get to know her better.
To top that, being poor, Cambodia is cheap for tourist. Food, nightlife, hanging out, accommodation, massages. You name it, are cheap, comparatively with touristy places like Bali, Samui, Phuket, Krabi and even our local touristy places like Lang Tengah or Perhentian.
Work on the other hand has been chaos. I guess the new Boss has its different stroke and adapting to his ways is taking a toll ass much as I had my adjustments when the previous Boss came by. So now that it is in month 4, I feel 60% adjusted. Things I believe are looking positively settling as the months go by.
Of course, when I returned from Siem Reap, I have discovered several sour stuff in the office [of course, when you get on the back seat, everything tends to become clear]. One, I realized this particular individual who has been rather close to me is nothing but a bag of pessimism [everything and everyone around her seemed to be wrong] and inflated ego [she literally told me several times that she has what it takes to go to the next level despite the very fact that she can't speak a decent sentence of English and carry herself enough well, her version of 'carry herself well' is the ability to speak to people around the office in that infamous 'pasar' mode and her version of 'good presentation' skills is her ability to present elementary stuff to elementary people. She thinks her skill of getting along with people generally meant she is ready for the next level, apparently. She even said when her boss graded her 2, she told him that is nothing new].
If you ask me for my 2 cent worth of opinion on her - she's utterly crap shit. Just like that J ex-friend I've ditched. Not forgetting, she has this kiasu-ism attitude in her. I am made to feel that very much like that SOL, everything or anything that people have, she has this inclination to 'must have' to.
I mean, honest to God, some people need to realized if you are not 'there', you are just not there. If you are not a sloan, you are just not a sloan. Simple. If you are not an English ed, you are just not an English ed.
Two, I have come to realised that there is something about a particular race that can't quite get up to the standards of the other race [kill me, call me a lunatic racist pig]. Thus far in my career, I have yet to meet that race of folks who can be as dedicated as a dedicated other races AND at the same time, savvy in his/her work. I have thusfarm come across only those with either one of the attribute, but never both. That is my point.
And sometimes, these people do hold me back for being around. Though I am still as always, open about accepting everyone regardless, I can't help it when shit happens.
And so, the when I return from my break and find that not everything is as perfect as I wanted it to be, I got irritated. Like why isn't things being looked into as I have specifically instructed. Or it is really me, being a lady, has this tendency to be petty?
Three, there are people in the office who wants to see me fail. What is new? Sometimes, I wish upon this little twinkling star above my head that people like this could just give up their green eye galore over me. As I have said before, I have proven myself over and again and if one doesn't have it, one just don't have it. After all, my career success has totally nothing to do with their success. It is not that my promotion would result in a cut in their increment or bonus. I mean, we are 2 different people, paving our own career path and therefore I don't see how it is that we could collide and cause such people grieve and ill intentions.
But looking at a positive note, there will always be such people in your life and there will always be retribution to people of such kind. Such is the world.
Four, a lot of people around me has this thing about calculating everything they have in their life. From money, to the number of things, from the food they eat, to the life they live and to even the extend of their well being. I'm tired. Tired having to hear their calculation about everything. I mean, why can't it be that these people hang loose? Like just letting everything go and just do what must be done and enjoy the rest of the evening.
It has come to a point that it tires me to extends that I just shut off. People around me are no longer about living their life (only left with that far few). It's all about being better than the next person and the zest to their life is about just that. I mean, where has life sweetness gone? Who is actually appreciating that?
Let's put it this way, when I got back from Siem Reap, all people wanted to know is how much I have spent, if it is expensive, what is there to see, what did I do for that 4 days. When I said, nothing much except, Angkor, Pub Street, running and sleeping, people actually give me the disappointed look. Like why is it that I need to get to Siem Reap to sleep and run? No one was even interested to know Angkor beyond it being an ancient temple. In their mind, they were busy calculating if it is worth their money and time to see Angkor.
How much is my hotel they ask? Because to these people putting up in a 5-star just to sleep is a waste of money. And so, it is always that between us, there is nothing in common.
People don't see my point, and I refuse to see their point. I refuse to be putting unnecessary stress to my life looking at their paradigm - a platform that forever calculates their life away. I mean, that is really not the way to live by till a ripe 80 years old
Five, I caught up with a friend for lunch yesterday. Someone I don't really fancy but she has her plus point that I still can consider her my friend. She has gone through a lot in her life recently, which could change people. I choose to see her experiences as eye openers to different perspectives. But from what I have gathered, instead of coming out positively, she went the other way around coupled with the fact that she refuse to leave what is done and said as what has been done as said and move on.
So much so that I find her company tiresome. There is no use and point if we can't leave behind what is done and move towards better things. There is also no use to linger on the same piss or bitter feeling over the same thing over and again. The question is, what are we doing about it?
Of course, like the first person I have mentioned, same syndrome of ego and pessimism. And with that, I felt I no longer wish to linger around people of this sort. I'm so done with them. I so want to be far away from these energy vampires.
So there, I've summed my thoughts from the 1 month of absence.
I'm just so done with a lot of people and a lot of things, that I am so glad I am getting on with my journey again, with plenty of peace in mind and a favourable looking one ahead.
More to come, indeed.
