As I vehemently gallop through the last 2 months of 2010, I must say I am getting very tired.
My tiredness covers pretty much everything - the mental and emotional state. And I am at the point where I just want to stop short of the things I've been struggling with and stay quiet, still like a haunted lake, where not even a single ripple dare rippling itself.
Today was one of those days, I took an MC and stay put home, just to chill off my stiff neck. That got my thoughts lingering on everything I have stowed ever since I have decided to fully focus on my work, to be a dedicated corporate asshole.
When thoughts of such comes flooding by, it is when I realised the magnitude I'm missing the other side of me who is, practically, literally me. I miss being me.
Life what exactly you may ask?
Well for one, my creative juices have stopped flowing, instead I'm much into the flow of the boring, conservative, mediocre Joes and Jennies on the street. I have REALLY stashed those bits of me off into some cold storage freezer somewhere up in North Pole.
Then come my soul on writing. I tend to feel I have nothing much to say already. I tend to feel I don't want to say anything and lay numb. After that, IF I do have something to really say, I tend to say very boring things that people would find a noose to hang them self rather than listening to me. Even when I read some recent stuff I have written, I bore myself to death, I would open the window pane of the 20th storey of KLCC Twin Tower to jump.
There is lack of sparks, witticism and the mojo.
And above it all, I find that I have been very grumpy lately. My level of patience have ceased by abundance. Somehow it has eloped with Creative to a faraway land. I bet they are happier wherever they are now, running through fresh green meadows of lavenders, butterflies flipping their colorful wings adding on to the canvas of purple bloom, along with a backdrop of rainbow and clear blue skies, hand-in-hand they together daze around. Away from this concrete jungle filled with hoards of Malicious, Cruel and Selfish character, thriving day in and out like a parasite on Envy and Hypocrite. Imagine Gotham City.
Oh yes, I forgot, Humor is now just 1 feet more to joining Creative and Patience.
If you ask me, I'm honestly packing my bags to join them soon. I just want to leave these little Gotham City of mine and go with the jolly folks to Joyland. To my surprise, I have killed off several energy vampires in my life, now cleaning off some garbage filled with vomit and leftovers by several assholes. It'll take awhile I am sure but I believe, it would even get cleaned if I am to persevere.
Well enough said, I'm going back to cleaning the sheets now (shit rather), so here, wearing back my apron and putting on the mask and gloves. Dettol, come here now, I need you. This is one tough shit.
My tiredness covers pretty much everything - the mental and emotional state. And I am at the point where I just want to stop short of the things I've been struggling with and stay quiet, still like a haunted lake, where not even a single ripple dare rippling itself.
Today was one of those days, I took an MC and stay put home, just to chill off my stiff neck. That got my thoughts lingering on everything I have stowed ever since I have decided to fully focus on my work, to be a dedicated corporate asshole.
When thoughts of such comes flooding by, it is when I realised the magnitude I'm missing the other side of me who is, practically, literally me. I miss being me.
Life what exactly you may ask?
Well for one, my creative juices have stopped flowing, instead I'm much into the flow of the boring, conservative, mediocre Joes and Jennies on the street. I have REALLY stashed those bits of me off into some cold storage freezer somewhere up in North Pole.
Then come my soul on writing. I tend to feel I have nothing much to say already. I tend to feel I don't want to say anything and lay numb. After that, IF I do have something to really say, I tend to say very boring things that people would find a noose to hang them self rather than listening to me. Even when I read some recent stuff I have written, I bore myself to death, I would open the window pane of the 20th storey of KLCC Twin Tower to jump.
There is lack of sparks, witticism and the mojo.
And above it all, I find that I have been very grumpy lately. My level of patience have ceased by abundance. Somehow it has eloped with Creative to a faraway land. I bet they are happier wherever they are now, running through fresh green meadows of lavenders, butterflies flipping their colorful wings adding on to the canvas of purple bloom, along with a backdrop of rainbow and clear blue skies, hand-in-hand they together daze around. Away from this concrete jungle filled with hoards of Malicious, Cruel and Selfish character, thriving day in and out like a parasite on Envy and Hypocrite. Imagine Gotham City.
Oh yes, I forgot, Humor is now just 1 feet more to joining Creative and Patience.
If you ask me, I'm honestly packing my bags to join them soon. I just want to leave these little Gotham City of mine and go with the jolly folks to Joyland. To my surprise, I have killed off several energy vampires in my life, now cleaning off some garbage filled with vomit and leftovers by several assholes. It'll take awhile I am sure but I believe, it would even get cleaned if I am to persevere.
Well enough said, I'm going back to cleaning the sheets now (shit rather), so here, wearing back my apron and putting on the mask and gloves. Dettol, come here now, I need you. This is one tough shit.
