Today's Run

I have to post this because I can't help feeling proud of myself today *big grin with the tooth buck* I did 8km within 45 mins {after all the injury and recovery runs}!

I did even a good stretch of hill run and I was moving seamlessly without a hint of fatigue.

Yay!!! Yay!!! Yay!!!

PS: Of course I had a MCP over taking me at the park but hey, who cares... I still overtook him after he stopped, hah! Take that fatty!

Charity & The Wedding

The weekend came and now, it is about to go. I'm sad. How can it be that time flies like a Supersonic Citation X during weekends and/ holidays when between Monday to Friday, it lingers like a leech stuck to its favourite mammal. Sigh.

Yesterday, I attended Michelle's wedding. Yeah. It was one of the cutest wedding I have been. Both Michelle and Ryan was a lovely, cute and funny couple. I can't ask for more. They even did a cute jig on the dance floor, so fashionably adorable I say.

Michelle and Ryan story about how they met was so awesomely sweet as well. Ryan happened to be the guy who found Michelle's wallet which she dropped at San Fran Coffee down at our Menara Citibank. Awwwww, sweet!

Of course, the place itself was lovely, a bungalow cum restaurant which was decorated well to the occasion. I simple like it. Just that, food wasn't fantastic was we normally have during weddings. Well, we can't have everything.

I was somehow sucked into a book sale orgy in Amcorp, just when I was telling myself not to see any evil, nor do any evil. Argh! There, I go. Books, books and books again. I got myself 3 books instead of the cardinal sins of the people there, they were buying by the boxes and I really mean, BY THE BOXES. Books were generally, RM8 per book. So it would be berserk if a bookworm don't go ga-ga over this ridiculous cheap books that were streaming from every nook and corner of that huge field. I don't know how to else to describe the place. It's just a book lover haven!!!

And so, for 3 lovely books, I only paid a totally of RM24 which would normally allows me just 1 miserable fiction. Imagine the estasy I had. Just like going high on 'ice'.

So I made myself promise that I would by all means focus on reading more. Less cyber chats and lingering on blogs after blogs. I need to catch up with reading for Chris' sake!!!

Anyway, my MIL was mega bitching about the family of my FIL after attending a luncheon down south yesterday. Somehow, my thought were lingering if there would ever be a difference between giving out your money to the helpless / less fortunate as opposed to giving out money to relatives who are short of dough {but nicely put as 'lending' which often does not come with a 'return'}.

I mean, charity begins at home they say, but I am presuming that this simply means sharing your wealth with your family on what money could buy with what you can possibly afford. I don't think this means, giving away dough after dough to relatives who come forward asking for some 'assistance' for whatever the reason they normally cook up.

But bottom line is, I was wondering to myself hard, what difference is it anyway, between giving it to the less fortunate vs. to the relative who either misused their money, gambled them all away or simply got cheated. Afterall, it's an act of giving away the money your hard earned.

Would it be morally be better if you divert your money channelling to those relative as a means of doing the a good favor or just ignore them as after all, they are not as unfortunate as those unfortunate strangers who you hardly know, with no food to eat, nor roof under their head if you don't help out.

Which would actually be a better act of charity after all? Hmmm....

Malar called me about the cards and asked permission if they could be sold for a lesser amount of RM30. All 14 packs. I don't know what exactly is right but while I'm trying hard to raise as much funds for her, I don't see a point to raise lesser when by actual fact, Eugene and I could find generous buyers to the packs. But I don't have to dampen her spirit since she has volunteered to help.

Sigh, sometimes, I just don't know how to put it across to her. On top to this, she was asking for more cards so she could try her luck with other churches. I guess, I have to made it known that the printed actually does not come free from anyone as I'm forking in out from my own pocket, every single cent of it {yes, with a good proportion of it from Eugene too}. And as most people on the grassroot may find it too expensive, lowering the price would affect the funds raised for the kids.

Logistically too, Malar doesn't know the trouble I had to pull through to get these cards out. Sigh. I guess, I would have to construct my words to put it across to her that I can't possibly spend anymore from my pocket for the cards she wants, unless, someone else would chip in for the cost of printing.

I guess, that is the best way to put it because I personally feel, if I were to shut her but saying I no longer want to help out with the printing and cost, I'm just cutting off the source of fund rising for the home {which would help the home a fair bit} afterall.

Sigh. And like it or not, money is pretty much the source of survival to the kids and the home, of course.

Let's see. Well, so much about the Home for now.

I need to just lie down for a little awhile, take a break then go for my Sunday run. My fix!

Excerpts

Ah, I've finally decided to document stuff which I excerpted from lyrics and those I've come across. Plus, my very own words that flowers the daily FB as I thread along in life. Because if I don't, I am sure, all will be convinently forgotten as it always will.

My memory these days seems to be fading off easily, but I hope to believe it is mainly attributed from the lack of sleep. Yes, I'm catching up these few days. I hope it gets refuelled by the time I get back to work. I badly need the my mind back. :-)

I wrote something sweet these few days, out of random thoughts:

"I wish I could fly like a bird and hang out on the trees... I wish I would breath the clouds and linger on the petals like the bees... I wish I could just let it all rip and dance on my toe tips... and let everything go pee weet!" - Verniela Wi

"Let the rainbow color your sky, let the raindrops patter off your sighs, let the cool breeze caress your soul, nothing, nothing of these, needs to be told..." - Verniela Wi

"Some people search for a fountain, that promises forever young, some people need three dozen roses, and that's the only way to prove you love them, hand me the world on a silver platter, and what good would it be, no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me..." - Alicia Keys

"Some people live for the fortune, Some people live just for the fame, Some people live for the power, Some people live just to play the game, Some people think that the physical things define what's within, And I've been there before, But that life's a bore, So full of the superficial..." - Alicia Keys

Assholes, Losers and Pathetic

Now, where have I stopped? Hmmm...

I was lamenting to Soup Yee on Wednesday {yes, she was telling me to hold on, 1 more day to go she said} that I am sooooo fucking tired. That is with work. Though my mode of tiredness is not up to the point where I hate everyone that pissed me or anyone what say something stupid, it's more to the fact that I feel I am just tired.

I guess my late nights are really taking a toll on me. Averagely I have 6-7 hours and in my quota, it's actually 8 really, good sleep that will consider as "perfect" to carry me all throughout the day without a hint of fatigue or lack of concentration or alertness.

Which comes to the point which I have realised that my job itself, has a very high need of a sharp and sound mind at any point in time. Because when whoever asshole who chooses to challenge you with their thoughts, you are required to rebut there and then if possible. So much so that, there isn't much room let to ponder.

Such is my work. I guess, lately there has been a lot to rant about work. So anyone who reads this blog would know the magnitude of my time and COMMITMENT given to this thing call work.

Sometimes I do consider myself pathetic. Sometimes, I consider myself good. Depends on how I feel about work at the point in time. So work really, has 2 sides of the coin for me after all.

But, despite the bitching and ranting about work, deep down I am feeling happy. Heart felt content. And this is one of those really good feeling because this is the only feeling that allows me to sleep very tight and peaceful at night.

Honestly, nothing beats an at peace mind and soul. And what ignites it was the day I decided to take a stroll from my office to KLCC Suria after work, just for the heck of walking {when normally, I would just catch the train over}. The weather was cool, the evening was quiet {since a number of people have taken their leave and left or on their way to kampung} and I just walked, despite the stilettos of course. But it was enjoyable. Somehow, by the time I reached the entrance of KLCC where Coach is to the left and Burberry is to the right, my thoughts are settled like the dust after a beautiful rainfall. It's lovely.

Besides that also, I have shoved the issued of hatred for the bitch and cow SOL at peace. I have chosen to bury her issues and her too, 12 feet under. Which now means, I totally don't care nor regard her in any sense. Because she means NOTHING. So this is the beginning of the life where no one would be hearing any bitching from me about her. She will not affect me anymore.

I believe this is the only way to my soul. This is the answer to a peaceful soul and one that could move on and look out for finer and better things in life. Holding on to a person and the things they do that pisses me half of the time would not damage anyone but myself only. I have in fact given her the upper hand to feel that she has done some justice to be better than me. What a joke.

Enough said about her. Don't waste cyberspace and blog space on irrelevant.

Of course, on Thursday noon, we had out lunch at Hard Rock. I'm glad it was done but deep down I am not glad about how big L feels about it. Though I don't think this would ever happen again, to be fair to myself. My share on the lunch would be this one-off with him because I humble feel it's like s show-off on his part at some expense of me. I was expecting a more humble approach to the whole situation.

This I guess, just tells me that I should keep that block of distance with big L because he is the sort of person who is not worthy of a friend.

What also got me to conclude so was the fact about his cheek to invite me for a test drive of the Lotus Elise he is currently contemplating to get for HIMSELF. And what I actually realised was he invited my company because I had a car to drive him there. What bloody cock is that? And drive him to a place near Shah Alam. From our office in KLCC. Beat that. I wonder if he would still have the cheek to ask if I were to ask him for petrol and toll top up. And to begin with, I don't even have the slightest fucking interest on a boring piece of metal call Lotus Elise!!!

Of course it makes me cringe, then laugh because how could anyone be possibly so fucking stupid to think I am that stupid? Pretty I am but dumb I am not {ehem ehem}.

Double confirm that I would not retract the label of Big L I had for him.

I also had this note about how Asshole A and Pathetic J is. They are pathetic with a P. Wow, I'm giving people names now. Great.

The department had this thing about the boss going around with the donation box to raise funds for our Community Event. And the magnitude of acting these 2 had, had totally put TVB, Bollywood and Hollywood to shame. Honestly, they would have been someone with fame if they have gone into acting instead of being a banker.

And what disgust me is the fact that, this is a community thing where it is voluntary and NOTHING just to show. For God's sake.

I mean, I cannot understand why is it that people has to make it a point to the whole wide world that they are putting RM400 into the box. Like why? Donation is from the heart.

I also mean, I cannot comprehend why some people lied to me about his staff can't making it as a Santa because when I actually asked the staff directly, he gave me that look that he did not know what was it all about! And when I looked at Asshole A, he tired to do the cover-up, somehow. Give me a break. I can't possibly think and believe, people really think I am that stupid. Haha... this I got to laugh.

Of course, I will not acknowledge it with Asshole A but I have definitely made a mental note that he will never and ever be the person I trust. Bastard. And we are talking merely on such extra activities which is not even about work yet! Imagine if it pertains work. Just imagine the shit he will give. This gives every reason for him to be Asshole A in my dictionary.

I guess, such is life especially with the people you work with. 99% are assholes, losers and pathetic. I certainly need not say more... but this blog would be kept at its best entertained level with them around. Certainly!

May they rest in peace...

Office Bitching

Much as I would attest, inefficiency of people does affect the other person next to you. Like it or not, mean it or not. So I trust that if there is an extend where it is beyond you to strive to be efficient and that zest to be better and learn more have significantly whither, then just do something else that keep you motivated and passionate. In short, go find something that would ignite your fire. Don't hog the seat and affect people.

However, I really think people should play fair. Don't just give your piece of work where you are good at and try subtlety shove those you are weak at under the carpet. People around you are not stupid. People realize. I mean, it is definitely not my business if people wish to be such but what cheeses me is when the person chooses to accentuate her strength at the expense of me. To begin with, I have not even accentuate her weaknesses so to look good myself. So, what is with all this bitch attitude?

People should also be decisive about their work. If they wish to quit their job, just quit. If they wish to stay on, just stay. Working in the corporate for a good 12 years has taught me this - don't let sentiments and personal feelings overly harbor at work because that is not we are paid to do. Just do your work at best so to be fair and let the rest go. And don't be a whoosy and keep hoping that people would try talking till the cow comes home asking you to stay on so that it makes you feel worthy. For God's sake, get a fucking grip. The company has paid you a monthly salary, even better, handsome bonus yearly (despite the attitude) and you still want to be made feeling like a priceless piece? Just when you are turning your back on the people who believe in you… crap.

Such is my working life at the moment. People are just such. The only way I could still strut with shoulders wide and tall, is to be tactful and ignore. But it does catch you at that moment and you wonder 'what the fuck was that?'

OK, just a tiny bit of bitching. Good to get it off my chest. It's healthy…hahaah.

Someone...

• Someone told me he had a one night stand over the weekend. I raised one eye brow and said, "Good for you my friend, you certainly had great fun. I'm so proud of you."


• Someone said he has not been to Hard Rock Café. I thought he was kidding me. No, really. So I promise him a drink for his loss of virginity with HRC on Thursday.


• Someone brushed me with some stupid remarks that he is not officially quitting the job until he tenders his official letter to HR and the bosses. Apparently, very certain verbally confirmation can't be considered that he confirms his resignation.


• Someone told me they will help me with the sale of my Christmas for charity cards. Now that it is ready, somehow, I get, "I can't promise you any sale ok" and "Just pass to me when you have time ok." This is for charity, and if people can't lend a hand to help me out even with the slightest thing, I really can't be bothered. I even have to go to them all the way for the card. Everything and every initiation is "me." If charity is so easy, honestly, the whole fucking world would have done it.


• Someone has this funny thing about indirectly putting me down just because they feel uncomfortable about me and to some extend I am threat. I'm so sorry for them.


• Someone had this 2nd time printing of the lanyard all wrong. First, it was the spelling, now the color. I wonder what is next? And how many more times I will be looking at it for re-work?

A Typical BZ WeekN Story {n it's ruthless bitchin, where applicable}

I am early today for work. But I refuse to start until it’s time. One of those days. Plus, it is Monday.

Weekend was spent totally running around with a lot stuff going on. Sometimes I wonder, would life ever catch me at a moment of ponder. Like Saturday, I had to rise early because I needed to stay in the car while Eugene collects his passport. Then we went off for breakfast, then off to catch the watch man who Eugene was supposed to collect from, but instead we had to walk around the Junk stores because we were early and the watch man's shop was still close, then I got Annie Lennox's Collection album (priceless!)(and Eugene got that Wonder Girls album - don't ask) because we had to kill time. Right after that, I scooted off to look for working pants, which I ended buying 3 working clothes, 1 very sweet dress, 1 blouse and 1 tube. And yes, I did not forget my working pants.

This is the consequences of letting loose, catching up with shopping. I spent!

By the time I reached home, I had to manage the laundry. And by the time I was pretty much done, it was time for an early run. At 4.30pm. Lucky, it was a nice cool day without much sun piercing its way through the horizon so the good news was, I managed to run around TTDI. Great. I did the 4 clicks. Came back, showered and rushed to the hairdresser to get my hair done.

Pee-Ka-Boo TTDI is lack of talent. My grief. My expectation on my hair blow is this much only. Or maybe Jefry has improved tremendously. Or maybe I'm just plain rigid. They did not do a good job on my hair. They were not perfectedly in place as I normally have it done.

By the time I was done, it was raining. I had to walk under the rain {with an umbrella}, walking through puddles and the swooshing of rain water through my toes and feet as I get into my car with a freshly blowed hair.

I changed, put on my make-up and off I went, whisked to Her Cheang's wedding. It was a lovely wedding, with all white and pink. Elaine's dresses were very nice. Of course, as in all dinner with Malacca friends and the bunch of hangouts of Finns, we have the drunkards - talkative, loud and noisy {the infamous Ben, David, Bryan}. They are as always, my mode of amusement while going through the entire motion of mundane wedding protocol. Lucky as well, I had KC seated next to me so we had on and off stuff to gossip, muse and laugh about. Wonderful.

I love the table décor where there were vases of pastel pink water, where right at the top, there was a bouquet of pastel pink/purple flowers on the dinner table, the matching pastel drapes and scented candles of alphabet E and C as door gifts. Food was typical Chinese wedding food. Nothing much to shout about though I did do my bit since I was sick hungry {where did I get this word from?}

I have made several conclusion during the wedding dinner though {OK, the bitch streak is out again} - Li Ting and Li Peng are equally dumb blondes, it is just a matter of degree. I don't think guys would find that or maybe I'm just hyper critical. Li Peng was giving signals of being easy with the guys and apparently hoping to be getting some quickie or at least some fucks for the night {though I don't wish to be imagining it} {which also explains how she got into bed with some guys within that circle of friends and/or got groped for no apparent reason(s) it seemed}. Don't ask me how I know this, but it's just pure woman instinct I say. Li Ting was doing her rounds of dumb blonde streaks. Not withstanding, some of the remarks she made. It does raise my eye brows, un-literally. The things she said, the way she reacted, the way she carried herself. Gosh. Enough said. I have been mean enough.

I snoozed off to bed about 1am watching some almost-interesting movie about Christmas starring Reese Witherspoon and that guy I can't remember his name who dated Jennifer Aniston for a little, short while. Yeah, that was how monotonous the movie was.

On Sunday, it was tim sum breakfast at Ming Room with my in-laws. I was happy because food was good and I got some time with my in-laws. MIL showed me her new Prada bag. Nice. She even got a matching wallet. Nice.

Then we walked around BSC and were stucked in the watch shop again. I know. How many watch shop do we need to bus stop everytime we go somewhere retail? This time it was Panerai. Panerai. Panerai. The 40mm looks perfect on my little wrist though. The price was even perfect. RM20K after discount. I think I need the money more for my soon-to-change car.

The funny thing that happened to me there was when I was strolling into a shop with my MIL, looking at clothes, this lady {the shop keeper} made a remark of the world that made me giggle shits. She said, "Wow, you look like your mother." LOL. I corrected her that this beautiful lady here is my MOTHER-IN-LAW. She did the cover line, "Ohhhh, your son must love you so much that she got a wife that looks like her mum!" OH!!! Common…!!!

I had to seriously return home to complete the 43 book marks by then. Otherwise, someone's not going to get her stuff in time. And so I completed it by 5pm.

I ran 5 clicks this time at 5.45pm but I felt tired. I am at the verge of skipping because I was physically tired. As usual, I reminded myself of my 3 days of running quota per week. As it is already, I am starting to feel the building up of lard in my system again :-(

When I returned, it was trying hard to finish the 2 remaining thank you cards but only 1 succeeded. I went off for dinner at a steamboat shop in Puchong (yeah, we literally TRAVEL to eat) and by the time midnight struck, I was done. Yahooo. I am done with 43 book marks and 2 Thank Yous.

I sent a mail to Azyla to arrange for payment and shipment. Well…. It was already 1am and I had no choice but to shut everything and go to sleep. Monday…. Sigh, Monday.

And here I am. Documenting the event of my fabulous busy weekend.

I wish for more sleep time though… and more of no work days. Already dreaming again…

More Important Things

It is one of those days I can take a breather again. Just touch hard on the wood, nothing crops up at the last minute on a Friday. I always pray for smooth endings because everyone would want a wonderful weekend and a peace of mind to shut off.

Yes, it is certainly a wonderful Friday today and as my usual bit, I have started celebrating the weekend yesterday. Of course, some people don't understand such concept. It is either their life are that happening that there is no difference between Mondays and Fridays or that it is that montonous that, no days are worth celebrating anyway. People are such. And I am intrigued that I sometimes become the subject of amusement as they don’t understand why I am celebrating when Thursday hits.

God.

I went to see Janie last night. A short one after her biopsy. I don't know how else to say but I can feel for her. The trauma. The mental stress. The everything. Not mentioning the physical pain when you are practically awake feeling and knowing that every single jab that was going through your torso, right to the liver to scrap that cell is felt. Sigh.

I does make me wonder after visiting her, what is all the stress at work and money for after all?

What are these as compared to the fight to stay alive.

It certainly is a wake up call for me, or rather a reminder that I should by all means, forget about getting stress up over anything. I mean, life is so large and being even piss with people like my SOL seemed so minute and irrelavant as compared to what Janie is going through.

It makes me realised, there are more important things and larger than life things to be happy for and to put my focus on. And it is things like giving that support to a friend that needs it, the prayers, the friendship, the love, the everything-else-in-that-package which stands far more important than the need to compete over who has more Prada bags or who drives a nicer car.

I will totally ignore her as far as I am concerned and I will totally not be bother with such frivolous matters. Anymore. She can continue with her ever shallow attempt but she will as I have said before, always be, behind me, be my shadow. Say whatever, do however she wants, she's my shadow.

Last night too, I was chartering out my 2010 plans. Amongst it all, I realised, I am going to run a bit and I certainly am trying to make a point to dive my life away. I hope nothing would suddenly pop up and start giving me reasons I can't go on as planned. It would be such a wet blanket. Just like this year, with those flu and rumored tsunami and all.

Sometimes, I feel people are overly cautious over things. And to some extend they are just so afraid to let it go and go on living their life. I am not foolishly attesting that I ought to travel into a swine flu infested country when I know the virus are holding their ball there, but what I am meant was, we should take a look at living life in a different perspective.

Like when there is swine flu, the root cause to these problem stems from being healthy and hygiene. So why don't we instead make a change and effort to be healthy and hygienic instead of focusing on avoiding contact with other human kind by ceasing travelling, moving around and etc.

Just an example.

Because if we keep making a stance to defend ourselves by reclusing ourselves from the world, it is just as well be dead. What is the meaning to life when every purpose of us living is to be being alive? There has got to be more to this that life.

Anyway, that is just my speck of thoughts on such matters.

As usual, I will sign off with greetings of a wonderful weekend. I pray everyone will have a fantastic one, and that everyone will just start living life as we never know what would be next. So there, live life and happy, happy weekend.

In My Humble Opinion...

Finally, I have got a short breather before I rush myself to the hairdresser to get some unruly, ruly. Well, so much for being a 'lady' or rather, try to be a 'lady'. I have to say, there is a lot of effort required to look prim. I have not even touched on proper!

I got up at 7am, left home at 7.45am and rushed for work but believe me not, I reached work at 8.35am. The amount of time we spent in the jam is crazy. Imagine the number of winks someone can get. Literally, I can even finish 6-7km of run for that amount of time. Even have a complete dinner for that time spent!

So, as a consolation, I am in view that we should at least get a nice car within our means so as to dampen the pathetic state of being stuck in the jam. I mean, it does make sense right?

I have had several views on several things and I guess, I do feel like stating it today. One of those moods.

I started off 9am with a presentation on my portfolio to the new business boss. It went reasonably well as I don't see any issues. However, as I was presenting, I had several reports on the table, in case, I'm asked, I have references. But conveniently, this immediate boss of mine took the report and made it his.

At 10.30am right after the presentation, I have totally no point of reference for my conference-call. I was scrambling to search that 40-50 odd pager deck and it was no where in sight. Simple, because it was taken. And since I was late for the con-call, I went in empty handed.

I mean, imagine if someone were to pop a question on my portfolio and I had no point of reference what so ever? What would people think of this supposedly Risk Manager? She must be sleeping on the job.

My point here is, this is the repercussion of a person who does not take heed of the things around them and in anyway is well organized. People just don't conveniently take the things from comfort / private zone of the other person during meetings because it does affect the person's job some way or rather.

When I asked him to return it, he was adamant it was his. I highlighted that the deck does not contain info on this product because it contains those of my concern, which he then realized, that deck certainly did not belonged to him. Plus, missing pages on this portfolio will not do. However, I still refuse to return me because he said he has made notes in it and so, being his usual self, taking everything for granted. He does expect me to re-print another copy for myself.

I mean, honestly, it is one of the most selfish and irresponsible attitude I can say. Though to some people this is petty, I for one, do not take such work etiquette lightly because it effects the 'other' person in quite a significantly manner. For him to think, it is nothing but just re-printing, which in my petty opinion is plain shallow.

Well, that is just some bitching about work today.

A lot of people that happened to pass by my life has lamented and think I am such a mainstream character. It doesn't spark any reaction from me but I do wish people would take some time to know me better so that they would know I have far more than they think I am. Maybe to much extend, I believe, people generally thinks I am pretty dumb. Probably it is because I have this attitude of zero uptightness when one speaks to me. Unless, I am rushing for an urgent dateline and my boss is pressuring me to get numbers perfected in a short span of time, I'm never caught uptight.

I personally think to be a lady that people take seriously {as in someone with some brains}, it is not easy. More so when people see, a girl without a serious attitude during casual moments coupled with fairly decent looks {hold on, I am not attesting that I am in the looks department, just that I am sure I don’t consider myself ugly}.

Most times, while I can afford to lavish myself with good stuff, people often think it is from a man. It has to be, they think. It would never occur to people that this person here, has worked evenly hard with the rest of the men in her playing field to be deserving a space in the office.

Just so standard. Just so funny.

Also, there are instances where when people know I have such capability, they start thinking that I am all out for the money, power and status. At the same time, they generalize me with the norm that once I am here, I can't possibly let it go no matter what.

Generalization.

I have come to a point that I no longer chase. No chasing waterfalls. No chasing rainbows. No chasing for that pot of gold. I am putting meaning to my life. And so, I try hard to put passion into the things I do. The food I eat. The place I live. The things I do. The words I say. The thoughts I have. The place I work. Generally everything.

Because while I was busy chasing in my 20s, I have come to realized, the act of chasing fails marking my life. Though of course, it does bring me somewhere in my job, it doesn't however make significant marks. Like, I barely remember significant milestones in my supposedly career 5 years back. All I could remember was, I worked long hours, I am really frustrated 70% of the time but I gobbled it all up for the sake of money, I just do everything and anything that was put on my plate without protest, and I literally gave my life away to my job for money.

It's just short of saying, I sold my soul to the devil for money.

But I have no regrets.

It did bring me somewhere. And I did managed to prove a point that if anything is about money, anyone in this world will be able to attain it. It is just a matter of working very hard and be generally, very committed to the thing they were doing without any attitude. That is all.

And now I am done, it's time, I put meaning to my life. Ride the moments and cherish them. It just applies to everything. My job. My love. My relationship with people. My passions. My life.

Plus, I will never ever die for money. If I were to compromise, I would quit my job. Period. And I would still be happy about it. Simply because I do not need to be here where I am with this lifestyle just to be happy.

As I was saying, I can live by cycling around on my bicycle, wearing flip flops, bikinis as my undies, shorts and singlets. Along with ponytails and caps. I'm simply happy with such.

But the question is, if I can, then why in the world am I living the lifestyle?

Well… all because I have worked hard for it and I think I ought to give myself the pat on the shoulder and enjoy the fruits to my labor. Simple.

Alrighty, I'm done talking. Enough said. I think I have gotten my point across. Enough… *wink*

Tired Tuesday

Here I am, typing with the most minimal light one could ever have. All because I want to wind down and have a very good sleep but apparently, I'm quite good at typing without looking at the key board. Not bad...hahaha. Must be the years of piano playing.

I have been busy with work as usual and I am waiting for the year end bug to start biting so I can relax and wind down to the end of 2009. Apparently, November is certainly NOT the time yet. I feel like a work horse at this moment, still.

Anyway, just had this 2010 resolution done for myself. Pretty easy and straight forward. No swearing. And have more fun that I ever have. Simple aint' it?

Oh, there goes the candle. It went off. I'm left with the illumination of the lappy's screen.

For the past few days I have been hogged with people from the office asking me why I am not having a kid yet.

Like what?

And there I go again, in the same tone, same explanation and same reasoning why.

Sigh. Why can't people just leave me alone?

And the sad part about it is, people ask me don't ever I get bored with Eugene since after all these years, we may have ran out of things to talk.

I feel sad for them.

I mean, what was then the marriage all about? What was the relationship all about?

I think, I am not the one who miss a point here... definitely.

On the other side of the life, I called Janie to rely some moral support for her biopsy on Thursday BUT I got the day wrong, I thought it was tomorrow. Darn. And she called me again in the evening, telling me she will look for me for lunch tomorrow.

Great. I have so much to bitch with her and I have even more to swear to. Haha. OK, I am definitely a bitch. And a pretty one that is. Haha...

All in all, I will have to cancel the flowers I ordered for her tomorrow and delay it to Thursday. Aparah. Heheh... The funny thing was, I asked her what color orchids does she particularly fancies, she said some pink and red.

What kind of a combination is that??!! Well, it sure explains the reason why she gets hook with Indian men ALL THE TIME. OK, Indian men, if you are reading this, I have nothing against you guys, but generally, Malaysian Indian men, pure breed are assholes. Just like pure breed Chinese educated Chinaman. They are assholes too.

Which puts me as a lucky girl and Janie, with Mat Sallehs left. Sad.

Apparently, I was filled that that dumb blonde Earnie or however that name is, was upset because I deleted her off my FB list. MUAHAHAAH. Serves her right. But she complained to Janie that I had not even the cheek to smile and greet her when she bumped into me.

To begin with, I have not even seen her for ages and now that she works in some 42nd floor, I don't know how it is possible that I have been bumping into her. Such liar. Anyway, I just want to note that there indeed dumb blonde lurking in this era. I thought, these species are LONG gone, or almost at the point of extinction. Sigh.

Hahaha.

I just went for a foot rub and boy, I feel I was transported back to some dynasty. The ala bed ala couch which we were to lie for the rub were so comfy that I feel asleep by the time she did my 2nd leg. And right after that, I just didn't want to leave. Honestly, if I had a choice, I would just snuggle on in the towel and go off to slumberland till tomorrow morning. Haha...

Anyway, tomorrow's Wednesday already and boy, time flies. I don't know what else to say but I just wish for more travelling as the days go by. I realised at some point when my frustrations take stage, it has got a lot to do with the fact that I did not travel enough. It's like some fuel to my sanity soul. Something like that.

Alright, it is time that I go to bed. I need all the sleep. It's work again tomorrow. Good nite people...

My Life

My current messy drawer that needs packing but I'm so lack of time
The other side of the drawer which is soooooooooo messy at this moment, thank God I am the only one with the access to this chaos

My berserk corner, yes, I am packing them soon...when I find the time *grin*

Alas, my unfinish work... go go go...

Fishermen?

I have been lagged in my updates on drawings I've done. Well... to catch up, here's one I did today which I find so adorable....awwww...

X'mas Cards for Charity

What do you know... finally, my cards are out from the printers!!! Everyone specially hand designed by yours truly. Yay yay!

Since this is my take on giving back to the kids, every single card sold on these packs would 100% go to them. No takings on the cost even...

So if anyone of you are interested, do feel openly free to email me at buttercupsnsunshine@gmail.com

A pack of it cost MYR30, of which it contains 6 cards, 2 of each of the design.

Looking forward... :-)

Friday Bitching

Mentally numb but I can still bitch.

I think bitching is my vocation.

*Giggle*

I have tonnes to say. I don't know where to start.

Work.

Sigh. I was told by Big L that some people in the unit I'm about to go has some concern over the reporting line and where I stand when I get to Cards Risk.

Honestly, I have concluded that there are a lot of people in this world who doesn't know what they want out of their career / job and they tend to hoard over everything they can get their hands on. And even worst when they will find people like me a threat because they can't quite get what they think they deserve. Of which, when the opportunity comes knocking at their door, they were dwelling till the snow came and went. And so when things got to move as time and tide waits for no man, they start regretting then making all things difficult for other people because they missed the shot.

The start finding every possible reason why everyone ELSE is not right when they think, they are so right.

WTF.

But as I have said, I don't care. I don't care how she / he feels. Because it has been through a fair playing ground where prior to my intend, the opportunity was poise to them and they failed to seize it.

Dilly dally doesn't bring results. And it happened that I was interested to move and I happened to asked around. And I happen to get it, after them being offered.

So it's fair. So I'm not to heed about their feelings because they have to learn to manage how they feel about me being here. That is their problem, not mine and I don't see why I need to bow to how they feel about me when I did nothing to harbor their feelings.

As far as work is concerned, I will continue to give my best to where I work, with the people I work, for the people I work and for the things I am paid to work. I don't see who does the job. So despite how much I detest about a person, I will still get things done to the best of my ability.

Of course, things are not rosy at all at the moment. More so with the unit I am about to go to, but I am still going because as far as I am concerned, there is no turning back. Decisions are made, things have moved and everything else arranged.

I have no regrets. I am still sticking to my focus - to learn things and move to the next once I am done. After all, that is what I want for myself. Until I am done, then we'll see what's next.

At the same time, I hope things would eventually be better with the high attrition aka instability. What ought not to be said has been said. And people have said what they want to say, message has been sent across. So, people NEEDS TO MOVE ON.

I really feel these bitching has to stop. Because it's detrimental to their very ownself. For their own sake.

Sometimes, I really wonder what is the purpose. Sigh.

That is work for me.

See the politics and all. Great ain't it?

But being here for years, being through the series of losers, back biting and negative vibes, I am quite good already in steering through the mist. Things would turn for the better, it is the matter of time. Plus, I will leave the rest of the worries to Big L and my boss.

Anyway, I was just 'over' feeling irritated. Apparently that SOL got a PRADA for a handbag as well. I mean, for awhile, it did irritate me to a lot of extend like what the fuck has it to be that obvious that she just needs to follow me?

She has this thing for LV so why can't she just stick to her fucking LV?

That is my point.

And I had made it clear to Eugene that not only does she want to copy me, she wants to even make sure she is better than me. Gosh. For God's sake, please, go get a fucking life please. What is the problem? What is with this following me this close?

Common man. I have never met anyone any faker than this. What is the deal?

And so I have concluded, she will always remain my shadow despite her effort to be better than me because by the fact that she tries SO HARD to follow me is enough proven she is meeting the definition of the Oxford of a SHADOW. The 2nd fiddle. The benchstander. The follower. The copycat. The 2nd.

Oh. Please.

And the best of it all is, she has chosen to copy me with everything and anything material because that is all she could come near me.

I mean, while she had her attempted on yoga, losing weight, exercising and some brain waves, she has miserably failed. So what more can she do but 'focus' on what she is good in. Material stuff.

It's one of those things people do to make themselve feel good. Focus on what you are good at.

I think on the hindside, I should somehow stick my guns on what I am good at which she isn't. Focus less on this material stuff which she could only get her hands on. Strategically {now, I am starting to sound like a REAL bitch} she will be looking like a speck of dirt! Wahahahah... eat my dust bitch. Smell my smoke.

Sigh. What a bitch. How I hate her. Good for nothing. I don't even want to apologise for being mean... she deserves my swearing. She does.

Heheh.. enough said.

Happy Weekend!

Thursday News

I wrote several sentences yesterday on my lappy but I can't bring myself to finish the post because I was just totally not into the mood to sit put.

As I have been selfishly putting my job at the centre stage of my life at the moment, things just continue to happen.

Just yesterday, I got news from Eugene that his mum, my wonderful MIL, has confirm a growth around / at her neck. I am worried. For many things. Especially for her. Especially for the family which she has been pulling close together at every point in our lives. Especially also for Eugene {tho he is big guy with one of the most awesome heart I have ever known}.

These were my very thoughts. And it drifted to hope for everything good because I was envisaging everything bad. And I cannot bear going through the bad as I have gone through with my dad and granddad. It is such a heart breaking experience. More so, when you love the people involved, you refuse to let them feel the hurt and pain that you know will have to go through when the bad happens.

I just pray extremely hard at this moment that it is merely a non-cancerous growth that does not require much worry. Just mere medication.

There. I've say it all. I just could not compose my thoughts yesterday because everything was gushing through my mind when Eugene broke the news. I am in a much composed state of mind now.

I guess, such is life. Sometimes, it chooses to throw you off tangent and let you pick yourself up with what is left. And I believe, such things makes you stronger and better as a person. Like a test.

And yes, I am trying {again} to make take it in good faith and to give my MIL the upmost support I could ever give since I am older now, much stronger and much wiser {I think}. Plus, I should as after all, she does not have a daughter and daughter do makes wonders in terms of support. I trust that is the least I could do.

On the other side of things, I'm tired of this SOL who is always busy chasing after me. I'm so sick even. But as I thrug along like I normally do, I think I would pretty much let me be as I usually do and just go on minding my own business and life until she starts irritating me again. I just want to remind her this - Karma bitch. Karma!!! Haha…

My printing cards are not ready just yet and I am starting to get impatience over it. Now Jason tells me they have got some ceasing problem {God knows what that is} but I am not interested to know exactly what they are. He said the 600 pieces ought to be ready by end of the day. Obviously, this busy bee here cannot make it in time to collect so it would be tomorrow or the day after {when it's the happy weekend}.

Alright. It's lunch time. I need to get to the hairdresser. I need a therapeutic hair wash. So to speak. :-)

Funny Sunday and Bitching

Ahhhh, Tin, you are now my follower! Awww...thank you for enjoying my ride. Er, my rather cynical, loud, uncensored life. Heheh. Welcome to Verniela.

It's been almost a week that I have blogged. It has been awhile since I-can't-remember that I am this busy. Work has been crazy. OF course I have my share of bitching about the funny people in the office, and the funny people outside of office ie. my personal front. Well, it takes all sorts to make this world and yes, all sorts to add curry spices into MY life. I mean, honestly, people just can't leave me alone.

I've so much to rant. And I guess I'll just random pick those that is interesting enough to write so people who reads don't fall asleep. Or treat this as their bedtime stories. Haha...

Yesterday. Ah. Eventful. I was in 1U for dinner. Well, I for one am a sucker for Carls Jr and the nearest to my home was 1U. So there I was. Right after that I thought of getting my face powder since I'm currently living on all the 4 corners of the puff cake (OK, I am vain. I am a girl. I need to look good. And I have got no flawless porcelain skin like Nicole Kidman) and there I was at the cosmetic counters trying to pick the right one for myself while waiting to be attended.

And as I was doing so, I lifted up my hands / arms to tie my unruly psycho hair into a bun. Eugene just rushed over to me and urgently whispered, "Hey, hey, put your hands down for Heaven's sake."

I looked at him.

"Err, I see stumbles of armpit hair sticking out!!!"

DARNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

And yes, I blamed the shaver. I blamed the super bright lights at the cosmetic counters that highlighted every single pores you ever own. And I blamed also the hair for making me tie them up because I was litereally a monster like that one acted by Charlize Theron.

I just blamed. Haha...

But prior to that it was even funnier. I went to the loo to pee. By the time I was jolly peeing, I noticed my 1 month old panty was at the brim of snapping. The left side was left with A THREAD holding on to the panty. IF THAT ONE THREAD snap, there it goes, I'll have my panty falling off.

Hehe... And I thought these days people make good panties especially from shops that is called Women's Secret. Certainly no secret anymore. Hehe...

Sunday.

Anyway, I have been ranting and putting a bit about people keeping up with me in FB. Now, this is bitching time.

I don't know if ever people have experience such shits. I think I've said this several times in my writings but I am still going to say this again because I can't help it.

There are people in my life that has this knack for keeping up with me. I just don't understand but people just want to keep up. Or even try to be better than me in every possible way they can. And again, I don't quite understand.

Maybe, I am like this super awesome person like Einstein or Mother Theresa or even Obe Wan Kanebi. I mean, I'm just randomly giving out awesome names just to stress my point. And people just want to be like me. It has to be or else, I can't quite understand at all.

But it sickens me honestly. I sickens me because I feel I can't be who I really am. I feel constricted. I feel invaded. I feel irritated. I feel I get people challenging me to be better than me.

Of course everyone would advice that I should not even feel challenged to begin with because it is THE person herself that is so lack that she needs keeping up but I am only human.

Much as I try ignoring her but half of the time, I do get affected. While I know to be emulated means I must be great to be copied but I don't like people hoarding over my life and watching me under a microscope and always, always trying hard to be visibly better than me.

I use the word visible because I realise this person only takes effort to be better where other people can visibly take heed. And it sickens me.

Even as I type this, I feel nausea. And everytime she does it, I hate her even more.

Though my usual self always strive to break away from her following ways and be myself, the way I am, the way people love me for, I hate it when she tries so hard to even have a better life than I do.

I mean, what is her fucking problem?

While it is easy to just ignore, but my ignorance to many extend can't be just 'ignore' because she happens to be my husband's sister-out-law. Not mine, because I really don't have such relative so to speak in my life. While if one has such friends, the chances of discarding the fella is 101% but since she is married to my husband's brother, it is pretty much like a leech sticking hard onto me to some extend.

I have asked myself what have I done to deserve this and I realised, this has to be my payback time for all the bads I have done, the bitching, the swearing and the negative thoughts I have for people I dislike. Hahah.. otherwise, I can't quite explain this phenomenon. I just can't.

Hahah. Anyway, before I run out of juice. I just want to end this post to say that I am much relieve after writing this piece about her. I feel that I have let go a big shit I have been waiting to spill for awhile.

I just hate her a lot. And I wish her dead. There, I have said my peace. Amen.

What I Only Know

The new workstation here is freezing. Most of the time. I suspect it is because the vent is facing directly under my head. I wonder if I would get air headed after awhile. *grin*

The office is bleeding. The unit which I am supposed to be transferring to is losing its manpower by the day. I hope it isn't me. But I also hope THE person who is responsible for this, learns a VERY valuable lesson. I mean, I hope it gets into his dorky thick balding skull *grin*

I'm very tired these few days. Not really about work. Not really that I am not getting the sufficient holiday. No. Just bored to some extend at times. You know, sometimes when you are at the cross roads between this and that, where you just stand there looking at all the directions going pass you, you suddenly feel empty.

Like, "So what's next?" "Shits, I'm feeling empty."

The problem is, you feel that your life is empty and you can't point what it is. When you turn each pebbles over, every one of it does not signify any emptiness. So it makes you wonder. What. 

And such feelings weights you down, makes you very sober and deep felt. At the same time, you don't feel like venturing into your entire feelings and thoughts because you just want to 'just be.'

I am feeling that way now. Everything is pretty much sober and blank. And I really don't know.

The only thing I know is, I would like to have my car sold so I can really, really move on with a new car. I mean, that is something to look forward for.

I also hope Eugene would be serious in taking up diving while he is on his break in December so at least, I have a nice buddy to team with for diving stints next year. It would of course, be fantastic. Sometimes, I think I am more of giving myself a reason to get to the islands than diving itself. Haha… but whatever it is, I'm all for it so long I get to the sea/ beach/ islands or whatever we want to call it.

Of course, Susan has also been keen to join me for races next year so I think that would be added fun to my running episode. I would be very happy to have a buddy to run with. In fact, we ran together in Ozana last Sunday. It was rather fun, having to run with someone who could pace with me and having a good company throughout the 5km. It's really nice.

Anyway, the output of Xmas cards which I have printed is not up to my standard. But I think I should not give up on it just yet because this is the first try. I am still trying to establish what I can or cannot do or how much I could push the printers. So this is that teething period I am at, I guess. Though of course, there is a lot of let down and re-focus required. It isn't as easy as one thinks.

I'm trying to figure out my next attempt already and I have not quite figured what exactly. Let me see.

All in all, this is all I have in mind. And so much I could say / talk. Guess I better sign off before someone kicks the bucket. Hehe… 

Jerks

Posted this in FB:

It is funny. Funny on the type of guys I meet. Even funnier on the type of jerks I meet online.

I realised that jerks online generally tries so hard to be who they are not and wish to be real life.

Just when I thought I was over such nonsense at this age, I think I did bumped into one such ass.

As long as I could ever remember I have known him by accident and we sort of chatted for the sake of it. Then we stop chatting for years but still had the link on in Friendster then, now MSN.

Just of a sudden several weeks back, this joker popped up out of his silent mode and started chatting.

As usual, I would 'layan'. It's just entertaining for the sake of it since while I get my stuff done online, I don't mind just giving / making brief chat sentences.

Somehow, as we chatted, he started 'sighing' with complains how much of a bore life is for him. Making it as if he is utterly single, without any chicks in his life and a utter hopeless. So much so that I DID give him some pity.

He was complaining how bad it is for a guy to get to know girls these days, especially chicks. Quoting their materialism and etc. Which, I could totally understand. So I honestly did take pity and sympathy.

Thinking he is a poor lonely soul, who is looking out for the right girl to come along.

Then on certain occasion too, he would invite me to the club next to where I live. With obvious reasons, I don't see why should I even bother. To begin with, I hardly know him. And to then continue on, I am even refraining from clubbing with the craziest clubbing buddies, why should I even think of joining this Ah Pek?

Typical of his kind, he started telling me how empty his life is. Complaining he doesn't have enough dough. Complaining boredom in pretty much everything he utters. Even said he nadly needed excitement in his life.

Then one fine, lovely day, this joker added me in FB.

And bloody guess what?

He is MARRIED to a girl.

And when he was 'helloing' me over MSN today, I made a point to acknowledge that. After all, we are supposedly virtual friends and regardless virtual or reality, I believe we ought to be frank about ourselves. Well, that was WHAT I THOUGHT.

I took the chance to ask him about THE chick and he did not answer me. I went on to ask if it is because his chick isn't good enough so he is still looking for excitement (this was said in reference to the opening of the conversation today with stress over him feeling soooo darn bored which thus, needing him some excitement to fill his morbid life).

Of a sudden, the fucker said he has got to work and will catch me some other time. And stopped.

Well.

I think he did not realised, he has met a bitch.

I simply refuse to 'x' him off my FB because I am in hope, he is nosy enough to peek his nose into this note and have a good read about himself.

If you are reading this, and you think I am right or wrong in my thoughts which I don't give a damn, please joker, stop your crap.

Maybe I am super thick skin and I am such a 'perasan' bitch but as usual, I am thick skin enough to tell what I totally think. So I am saying this:

If you think you are trying to get easy with me, please, go play with someone else whom you won't get burn and even probably could give you some fun like a BJ in the stinky toilet behind TTDI Plaza or give you a good grope in the groin while dancing against your unfit body.

Plus, I don't play game and pretend. Or try hooking. Or am can't even be honest about my relationship status.

I mean, if you want to be in the game, be a man, tell the chick on the face that you are out for fun but you are totally with someone else. That will command a great deal more respect that pretending to be pathetic so you can pity votes and attention from a chick.

Give me a break.

Playars from get sympathy votes. Playars win heart from being a man and they sweep women off their feet anytime they want.

And if you want to play, I only deal with playars. Afterall, I'm a bitch alright.

For Heaven's sake. If you can't be one, just stay mainstream and be with your wife and live happily ever after please.

Please, go get a life.

Muzik

I'm in one of those crazy moods where I go on listening to music over and over again like a marathon. People have movie marathons, I am the sort that have music marathon. Well, there is something about me and music. I can just go on. And I believe some people are like me, where music can change the entire mood about things.

Yes, I am 'those' kind of people, where I get extremely perk up and energetic that music itself can act like an energizer battery. Even when I run. Or make me feel extremely positive and alive about life, like there is nothing in this world that could stop me. Like I the invincible. Or feeling over my infectious bubly self in an early morning just because it is a morning.

I am that sort.

If you see me like a dead bird, it is either that I have not been running enough or listening to music enough. There is no other way about it.

Here's one of those I'm currently listening like there is no tomorrow.