How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself - Anais Nin

Tomorrow's Wedding Dinner and Current Musing

I will be going off for a wedding dinner which is going to be more like a reunion of people working in the same bank now and then. If it were not for Soon who is a close friend, I would ditch the entire episode of this dinner and go have my favourite Razuken or some eatery which bring me satisfaction beyond alphabet that makes up to words.

The thing I hate about this fucking dinner where previous people I detest is to be seen is. Plus I am supposedly to act as if I have no hard feelings over what has bullshitly happened in the fucking crap yester years. Bullshit people and crap shit nonsense from bullock shit people.

I sometimes wonder how people can just pretend. Pretend and pretend like nothing happened. Like we used to share so much pain together. Bull shit. They ought to join Hollywood. They would not have trouble getting a place as extras. Bodoh.

Anyway, I've been doing lots of uploading of songs in my iTunes. The old one can't sync to the new piece. Too tedious to explain so here I am, downloading as much as similar to the old. Sigh, what time wasted. But if I don't get it done, my poor Nano 's gonna be another white elephant which I can't afford. Nano runs with moi. Rain or shine. Good or bad days. Morning or night. And nano keeps me alive in airports, waiting lines, in busses, car, traffic jams and what ever else that requires some music.

I have been running loads too. Makes me feel great. I can't find words but it's great. It's a great thing to be able to do. And I can't wait to race again. I am soooooooo looking forward! Note: what is with this overwhelming 'great' here and 'great' there, I wonder. Hehe...

I'm back with Shanice but there would not be uploading at the blog because I'm restructuring the sequence and filling in, the in betweens so I'll see what comes out of it eventually. And people will get to read how it turns out to be once it gets binded. Hahah. I am so looking forward for the day actually. Indeed.

Wow, 2 stuff to look forward. Great. :-)

Bali. My next destination this Sunday. I'm looking forward too, just that I don't know if this time around I would be harnessing some energy to get to Borobudur. Let's see this lazy bones has the yearning for some travelling besides basking under the coconut tree with her books and lappy. *grin* Let's see.

I'm still in my MTV mode now. Still toggling around with all sorts but I don't think I should bore anymore beyond what I've posted. Hehe... enough lah! *grin*

I Got a Feeling - Black Eye Peas

On a much happier note, at time of 3.05am M'sian time. I am jumping and swaying at my place to this. I have been listening to this almost everyday I drive to work. It keeps me going the whole day and boy, I fucking blast the radio in the car everytime this song is played.

So, as I have said I'm catching up on all the missing MTVs, I bumped into this one which was hosted by Oprah.

OMFG!!! I got goose bumps over how they planned the entire people's involvement to the entire performance. I could feel the vibes even as I sit on this sordid chair, in the wee hours of the morning. I was just swaying and swaying and moving to the beat along with the people in this tiny window!!!

Laugh. Watch it!

Don't you now think, as Oprah said, it's the coolest thing ever? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yes, I see you nodding. Haha...

Happy Ending? Yes? No?

This song reminds me about loss love. Love lost in the midst of everything else, in betweens what else.

I believe someone who has missed that love could totally relate this piece. Sigh. A sad moving song I say. But I like it, very, very, much.

Another thing, I must comment about Mika. This guy is great. Ala Freddy Mercury. Ala Adam Lambert. Ala Prince. Wow!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvBIyJf6el0

Chic & Cool Ones

I've been rummaging on all the missed MTVs ever since work life has taken a toll... hehe... found this one. I don't really fancy it as much as the rest but something about the cute dancing and the way Beyonce and the girls carry themselves that kept me intrigued. I like it. Maybe too, it's the black and white effect. Maybe their dressing. Maybe the way the song blends with the dance. I don't know exactly what but I like it!



And this about piece which I love. Somehow, it's featuring R.Kelly which got the songs mixed. REALLY nice, listen to the lyrics. Haha.. I was grinning ear to ear because I was an ardent fan to the original version and its lyrics. This piece is just another voice from the other side of the gender. Cool.



This, is her original version however, without R.Kelly. Cool.

You'll Always Be My Baby

If anyone wants to wonder what song can hold me at 'hello', this is one of it. As I've said before, how David Cook's voice vibrates through the song, and how heartfelt when it is sung in a guy's perspective over Mariah's.

Enjoy.



On Mariah, I caught her Obsessed video. My, I love her back. I love her sexy ways, I love her legs, I love the entire her. Welcome back Mariah, thought the world has loss you for a moment there. *smile* She looks GREAT! Ohhh!

Real vs. Right along with Shanice

Here I am, at some 11am ++ still in the comforts of my room. It should be 10am ++ in BKK, I am lazy. The bones are heavy and the spirit is not stirring to go over to the pool to chill. Don't ask why. I don't have an answer. This is what you call chilling I think. My mind does not do reasoning well.

*grin*

Finally, I figured a way to log into Shanice again. Wo! Thank God, otherwise, it's cut and paste to edit her. I received some note from some real escort agency in India, commenting about Shanice's blog. I don't know if she / he thinks it's for real. Haha. Anyway, I don't know how she / he found me. Fancy some recruitment? Haha...

I find writing Shanice is far more fun than writing mainstream stuff. Sort of more challenging and the creativity bit pulls me beyond what I already am. With mainstream writing, it is as creative but it does not make my heart palpitate like I am off running. That sort of a rush. Hehe... so I have decided I would focus in Shanice for now and the mainstream shall take it's second stage.

Talking about Shanice, I miss her. I really do. And now the mojo's back with her and my thoughts are crystal clear, I shall believe I could storm out some interesting stuff. Of course, I have also decided I would edit the entire gist which has already been published into a less 'hardcore' material so by and large, every gender would be able to enjoy. I need to have more emotions, more intricate details. Just lack of saying, I need to inject more sophistication into this piece so it will read more tastefully.

Am or will I be ending as an erotic writer? I don't think so. This to me, is just the beginning. In writing, as in everything else creative, there is never an end. No one becomes the master. It's an overly colossal field.

There is something about writing and me. Sometimes I really wish I don't have to work and I could my life away. So to speak. Likewise for making cards and drawing. Everytime I dwell into them I say the same thing. Then it always gets me asking to myself what in the world is holding back in getting into them full time?

Money.

I am not shy to admit that money still overrides my passion. Though I am not as gung ho as some people who could just call it quit, money however fuels my passion. And that, is the root to it all.

I mean, as virtuous as anyone would like to be, no one would however admit that if there is no comforts and feeling of security, one would be happy. Because behind that mind, there is always the tinge of need-to-survive. Do I have enough for afterward's meal? Do I have to buy what I would love to have? Do I even have enough to enjoy a plate of char kuay teow I am craving?

I am touching to even such basics.

While people rant about being humble, not greedy and satisfaction on meeting mere needs, the question lies again, where and what is really it?

I have been in such situation in my life (wah, now I am justifying myself it seemed) and I feel I really don't need such struggle. After all being in the rat race has its bad and good days, just like everytime else but the best bet about it is, every month I have a decent amount credited into my account to at least have decent meals. I don't need to even wonder if I have enough to eat KFC or a kilo of chicken has increased price by RM1. I could afford to say, it is ok.

So the question really is, if I am to shut it all off, am I ready to get to square one where I just started 12 years ago for the sake of passion? Would writing, drawing and card making bring me such comfort and security?

I am not putting down people who claimed they would not succumb to the material world's pressure, nor would I shun people who lived within their passion and is willing to 'kais pagi makan pagi', I in fact, applaud them for their courage. For their spirit to continuously have their passion fuelling their life rather than comforts in life to add some meaning.

But I realised, I've come this far and it's far to tough to just let it go.

As Eugene have said it (for other context), sometimes we've got to know what is real and what is right. It is enough well said for this case. But like everything else in this life, there is no everything anyone can have. Not even the kings and queens in this world. Not even Dalai Lama or the Pope.

Life is indeed such. It's what I deemd to be great. Life's great.

BKK

Landing in Bangkok does not bring much nostalgia. Not that I do not like BKK, just that I don’t have much fancy because it is like any other city around Asia. The only difference BKK is to me is the people, language, culture and way of life to some extend. Other than that, if I walk around it’s pretty much same-same as the Thais often have it said.

What distinct us is the food which I awesomely enjoy. The standard tom yum koong, phai tai, sum tam and etc is enough to keep me happy.

Often course, I admire the more pretty facade of Thai chicks (generally they are prettier than our Chinese girls in comparison) as they tend to have better features. Plus they carry their tan very well (but just like any Asian country, porcelain white is THE way of beauty… ahhhh…. Don’t ask me on this bit, I’m not in this echelon to begin with). Note: Not forgetting to mentioned, our Malay chicks, they are pretty much on the same playing field with the exception that most of our pretty Malays are covered with headscarves that masks off their beauty.

On the Thai guys bit. Hmm, pretty much same as Malaysia I feel. So-so only. (sorry guys). I don’t know, but after umpteen times being in Thailand, I have not once seen a good looking guy on the streets (let’s not get into their celebrities). Never. So I think I have stop noticing. Muahaha. Sorry guys, but that does not take me as a lesbo!

Besides, the warmness and patience of Thais brings me great pleasure to be in Thailand, always. I am not denying that Malaysians are not these, but our magnitude is half of them in comparison. Haha. Sorry Malaysians, when a credit’s due, a credit’s due. Even amongst them, they are courteous people. We can’t compete lah. Hehe…

Culturely along with their language, Thais are very strong in their ways. I guess as much as most Asians country are on this, lebih kurang we are all traditional people. Our Muslim ways very obvious, our Chinese ways are distinct (with very founding taboos still in practice… ) and Indians are just as equally conventional. Needless to say, our common lingua franca is Malay amongst all races. Like it or not. And the Thais have their Thai. The funny thing is, the Thais and Hong Kees addresses us as Malays. Like we call Thai people Thai. Haiyah, we are not Malays. We are Malaysians. Hehe… anyways, don’t bother correcting them because there is a huge million number of population here. Lots of sliver and energy is at stake if you want to correct just this small piece. Haha…

Amongst it all, we don’t have porky running around much in our country. Hehe.. no pork burgers in places like McD or HRC. Over here, mak ooi, everywhere. Oink oink. Not that I am a big fan of porky stuff, but it’s just different.

So much for comparison. But as I am typing this, with a view of Choa Phraya in front of me in the comforts of my room, I need to just say this - I don’t know what got this Mat Sallehs ranting about the river. OK, King of the River they said, it’s a very wide river. Yes. But there is nothing beautiful about this muddy brown looking waterway. I can’t quite like admit it’s beautiful. Like where? If you ask me, it’s like Klang River or Malacca River being amplified 10x-15x. And ta-dah, you get Choa Phraya! Hehe.. maybe Mat Sallehs have not seen brown murky rivers... I mean, even Siene was not beautiful, the water’s murky all the way (it’s the awesome sites around it that makes it a package to linger on the boat).

Anyway, the only sad news about being here is, there is no path made to walk along Choa Phraya. This means, there is no stretch for any evening runs which I thought would be great to be swaggering along it. It’s back to the gym alright. Gym that overlooks a little of the river as I scamper along with those running equipments, that it. Heheh… boring.

Yesterday, we took a short trip to Siam Paragon. Just to see how colossal it is since it has been acclaimed to be when it was first opened. Conclusion, can’t beat our Pavillion though. Hehe.. but after years of living and breathing city life and air, no emporium or malls can wake this spirit to a ‘wah’ or ‘oh’ anymore. Shopping does not delight me. Haha. Maybe upgrades on my clothes, shoes and handbags yes, but beyond that, nothing sparks. And that only requires me to visit selected stores, I get my stocks, and I leave. I don’t linger much plus, my decision on purchasing the clothes that I like is ligthing flash (compared to most women). I fancy, I try, I look great, I look at the tag (pricey?) and I buy. I move to the next. Once I’m done, I’m off. So, if you ask me, shopping actually tires me a lot. Hehe…

Anyway, we got to their supermart because some interesting people in the office requested me to get some Thai’s instant noodles and dried longans. Jolly well. Everything’s Thai so we had to make guess if it is perisa itik, lembu, babi or ayam. Hahah. And some pictures are deceiving because all meat looks pretty much the same to me. As usual, I had to ask for help. Haha… Pork? Beef? Chicken? Duck?

Then we went off in 2 plastic bags. Some of our junks too. And as we trottered to catch a cab, Eugene said we look so uncool. LOL. What is with all these plastic bags, walking back to the hotel like some aunties? LOL.

I took a step back, looked at us and he is just so right. LOL. Aunty ooi!

We are just sooooooo makcik. Then, that moment caught me. What is with this instant noodles and dried longan in this supermarket plastic bags? Gosh… LOL. *eyes rolling*

I’m still not there yet but honestly, the people around me in the office are lah! LOL. Haiyoh. So guys, yes, I will be coming back with your stuff. Eugene is suggesting I dump those noodles into the luggage (gulp and I am in doubt if that is a GOOD idea) because no one carries a bag of instant noodles as hand carry around in the airport except aunties! LOL.

Vanity

Some funny pieces of me in action (presenting Risk Management's showcase during the career week which I was bitching how busy I was and not forgetting stress!).

Didn't want to post in FB because I'm super vain. As in, I don't think I look my best here but I can't resist not to have it posted anywhere for rememberance. Muahaha.

I look so... errrghhh, dont-know-how-to-put-it. Like a bit cacat la. And to confirm on that, the guy who took my pixs sent me this and said this is the best amongst the lot that is 'presentable enough." LOLOL. I told him I blame the photographer for the ugly shots, not the person. LOLOL. So much ego at stake!

And know what, I look so fucking fair. Like snow white {now, where are my 7 dwarves? heheh}.

About Love

I was in the hospital this afternoon accompanying Eugene who visited his distributor who undergone an operation due to a clot in his brain which was cause by an accident yesterday.

Thank goodness, he is stable and fine. I wish him a speedy recovery.

But as I was waiting, I got to my usual mode of reading and got a piece of The Edge which were featuring material luxury. And they interviewed 4 dudes from the advertising industry on their definition.

1 said it's their time, the other 2 said holiday and hanging loose doing nothing and the other was about his family - son.

So what really is luxury?

My definition... time to chill and do as I please, how ever, what ever along with the person I love.

Isn't that great? Hmmm... It's priceless.

I don't need everyday. I just need those moments.

Moments of love. Moments of feelings. Moments of serenity. Moments of cherish. Moments of life.

Eugene once told me, sometimes things are not about being real, it is about being right. Sometimes too, things can be real but not necessary right. So it is up to us to justify ourselves what should be what at different junctures in life.

And I have to agree to his words of wisdom. So, despite these moments I yearn, at times I have to strip the real and the right. And that does, make life more complex than it already is.

Complexity however I feel, is the root from love. Everything that gets tangled up, as I have said like those washed hair without conditioner is the cause of love. Love mixes it all up until it becomes confusing.

However said, love is universal and love is everywhere. I truly believe love cannot be contained within a confined bottled, confined heart, confined brains or whatever else that could confine things. Love is just so enormous that it surrounds every living cells of every living creature. Love is, great.

And because of love, everything else breeds. Contempt. Hate. Jealousy. Hypocracy. Madness. Just everything.

This is love.

Ah, just feel like being a little philosophically about love today. I feel just that. In fact, when I fell asleep last night, my thoughts were nothing much but love.

And remarkably how love can erase all hurt, pain and anguish.

This is love.

Love is the reason for everything too. Love. Powerful. Killer. Humanity. Greatness.

Well, I'll better stop before it gets overboard.

With love, me, the Verniela.

Why We Don't Deserve The Best - Case Study

I am about to leave for my long leave and vacation. As I have told several people, I feel more relieve than happy. Must be the work load that has been hounding me for the past 1 month.

I yearn for many things, amongst the many, lose weight, run, write and read. These are the things which have been bystanders as far as my memory could recall. Yeah, that long ago.

Anyway, I had this 20 cards made for this lady who ordered for her daughter's birthday some 2 weeks back. She did not say exactly when she needed it but more of just needing it before Hari Raya as she needs to get back to the kampung. Jolly well fine.

But when Tuesday hits, and I told her about only delivering it by Friday, she said she needed it by Wednesday. I don't know if people have sense of appreciation of handmade because as far as I am concerned, handmade can't be just made overnight especially if it pertaining 20 fucking cards.

I find her utterless tasteless after that because 1. she certainly does not know how to appreciate handmade stuff 2. all she thinks is by paying me that pathetic RM120, I am to her whims and fancy and lastly but not least 3. she only wants her fucking way.

Let me elaborate.

Firstly, I burnt the midnight oil up to morning oil. Plus the next day, I have got work as usual!

Since she needs it earlier, I have thus, told her I would RUSH her the cards by Thursday but this fucking aunty expects it to be delivered to her door step. Telling me she works in this Dayabumi place and thus, we could meet at Central Market to pass her the cards (FYI, I have already stated in my blog that I don’t deliver plus it's collection in KLCC where I work OR TTDI where I live).

I told her since she needs the card urgently, she can collect the cards from my office. After all, she was the fucking one who was cutting short of my working time and she was the one who needed them sent to her bunch of friends before she leaves for holiday. BTW, her daughter's birthday is on the 4th October (duh!).

She has the cheek to tell me she is busy so indirectly telling me I need to find my way to her. WTF. To top that, she was not even in any compromising thoughts to make things easier for me.

It makes me feel as if her stupid RM120 is fucking big and that I need that money of hers to survive. To begin with even, I am paid 5x per day as compared to what she is paying for the 20 cards. Fucking cow. I can even give her those 20 cards for FREE if I want to.

But that is not the point.

What I am trying to say is, this is the perfect example of the aunty and family person who only selfishly wants their way and they think by the act of PAYING some money, they have the say to EVERY fucking thing.

Plus, this is the tragedy and pattern of a typical woman with kids. Typical cow. Selfish, impatient and stupid. She does not even qualify to being a bitch.

And, while I was rushing, she did not sound even thankful I am going the extramile to get it through to her. She sounded demanding and impatient. Honestly, I was thinking to myself, what if I decided to courier instead so the cards will arrive at her office when she is back in the kampung? Afterall, it is not my problem if the courier was delayed due to the festive holidays.

I mean, I could after all, be mean.

But I did not. I told myself despite my swearing, cursing of foul shits in FB and as I work on the cards I went on and on, I shall not be like her.

And the funny thing about how things work out is great. And this is what people say, "God is great."

With all interest to get everything perfect for the cards (which I totally LOVE so much that I had this pang of feeling that she doesn't deserve my work and this bunch of sweet lovely cards), I was short of matching envelopes. There is no where else to get those except selected Popular bookstores.

Yes, I went the extramile, drove ALL the fucking way of 35km to and fro between my office and the Popular store with the biggest colored envelope selection so I would be 90% assured to have the right ones, but guess what happened when I safely arrived and was right at the front of the racks of envelopes on Thursday (yesterday) 1pm during my lunch break?

The probability of 10% of not getting the right envolopes happened!

LOL.

There in front of my eyes, racks and shelves of every colored envelopes were available except EVERY matching colors that could go with the cards!!! Nothing matching were there!!!

I was laughing at myself. And at fate.

How fate has it that, no matter what or how, if a person don't deserve the best, the person just do not deserve the best. No matter how. LOL.

And I had to succumb to those boring white envelopes used for letter writing, which costs me only RM1.50 for a pack of 20s. LOL. Beat that.

And while I was trying to match the envelopes (still did not want to give up), that cow messaged me again, asking me where is the office boy since it is already lunch time and she urgently needs to deliver to her friends bu 4pm. Not a single word of thank you. Or a decent tonation to begin with.

All in all, I believe, she shortchanged me in everyway. To account for the petrol, toll, parking fees and the priceless effort I put it, she OWEs me big time. Plus, I personally begged some courier boys to do me a personal favour by rewarding them RM10 for a trip specially made to deliver the cards to her by 2.45pm, Thursday, including envolopes and all.

So, to conclude here - We don't have to cringe when people take advantage or bully us. Don't even have to even react. Just be. Because fate along with God's ways has its ways to return the favor to the person.

So people, if you think you deserve better than what you think you should, think back, what is it that you have or have not done enough to deserve it. Because somewhere, somehow, life will always be fair… and it will work its ways… hehe.

PS: The only thing I got from her was an SMS after she received the card thanking me for the sweet cards. Suddenly, Jekyll turned Hyde. It's too late already la aunty… hehe...

Random Deep Thoughts, Oh Yeah...

Why do people think they are supposedly better and smarter than the person next to them? Sometimes I blame the conditioning we had in school that harness such comparison all the time or as much as we don't realize we unintentionally do. Sad.

The complexity of the humankind and its behavior, the reason for their action and reaction is completely tangled up like a badly washed hair without conditioner. One don't even know where to begin untangling it. Apparently people started with a study they called psychology to try understand the idiosyncrasies of the mind. Apparently.

Love has a lot to do with the above. Love in fact in my humble opinion is the root to all evil and goodness, depending how we human govern it. Just like fire. Be in control and one reaps the fruit, out of control, one pays the price. Tough shit.

People generally dies or succumb to living because they are tired. Just tired of all these 'crap' ever surfaced. Which concludes to suicidal. The rest which can't get enough however will have to die of old age. Despite it all.

Isn't life ironic?

Sometimes I wonder what really is the purpose? Are we just like the other ants busy scurrying around every other day to look for food and before they know it, it's time up or someone conveniently got a can of Morteen, sprayed the shit out of the can, they they go. RIP (Or even more tragic squashed by little human fingers or stomped by their filthy expensive shoes). Are we so to the God(s) up above?

And why? Why do we have a soul to live within this physical being? Why do we have feeling attached to them? Just to give us some meaning? Some purpose actually?

Ah, people should stop using religion or science to explain. Stop telling me or trying hard to convince me we really have a purpose. What if really, by the end of it all, there is actually nothing. Just like any other living thing that lives, just plain nothingness at the end of it. Will we be disappointed because someone in this lifetime of ours told us there is a pot of gold at the end of the journey? Would be feel betrayed?

Feelings. Why should be even have them? So to be humans? So to be considered as humans?

How ironic. And we had to go through the events of pain, suffering, laughter, joy and all sorts to be human. Why bother I wonder.

Heheh... I can just go on. Random ramblings on a mundane Tuesday... Hehe...

Great Sunday

I am supposedly to work through lunch but somehow something got me to writing. And very much like some people, I can be a random with my task, one minute this, the other minute that, but all would be done in an hour. I just have this funny way of working at times. So if someone is to ask me how much of a discipline I actually have to just focus at one thing at a time, not much.

Unless of course, it is about uncompromised delivery of something at work which I can't get away, then it's 101% mental focus. Not easy. Haha…

My weekend has been great.

Yesterday, my WHOLE family came from Malacca for a day trip and this is the very first time my grandma came to visit me. I miss those family gathering thingy especially with my own family.

I mean, all these while if I don't get to Malacca, the so-called family gathering is with those SOL's family and the billy hilly gang. If you get my drift. Argh! If you cut my heart and sincerely ask me for my most honest answer, I detest being with them and I find them a huge bore because all they talk is about people, the things they have, how much they earn and everything else ALL along the SAME line. Yucks.

Don't ask me where they came from, KL is all I can conclude. Ini la pattern orang KL.

Anyway, back to my family. It is nice to have family together. It is even nice to have 3 generation sitted together, eat, talk and laugh. It's a great feeling. While I was making my cards (rushing for that 20 birthday invitation for Nila), Poh Poh sat nearby the bench I had and chatted.

We talked about a lot of things. Funny, heartwarming, sweet and heartfelt. I realized how much of such conversation I miss with my grandma. I really do. These are the things I used to do with my Grandpa when he was alive. I used to squat by his side when he hand washes his clothes and yak about my life and fill him with whatever he wants to know. It's one of those really priceless things in life.

We spoke a lot. We spoke about my other aunty who married a Malay back in the 70s and got teased by her many, cousins. The funny things they say and they even had the cheek to ask my Grandma teasingly, how is the Malay family to send over the roasted pig? LOL. No pun intended really. Customary in a Chinese marriage, the groom's family is to send over a roasted pig as a gesture. LOL, that got me rolling floor to floor. LOL. Plus they teased my aunty for being a rolling tar barrel!!! LOLOLOL. Because like tar barrel, when they roll on the road, they pick anything and everything up. So it just means, anything for my aunty will do.

Anyway, no pun intended for anything here, no racial nuance, just joking. Plus after 30++ years of marriage, everyone in the entire family accepts Uncle Tapa as a Malay and is part of the family.

Then Poh Poh spoke about my daddy. How much she misses him and how much of a son he is to her. That got me tearing though he is gone for a long 19 years. God, 19 damn long years but honestly, I felt that it was just several ago that he has left us. Time flies. She was reminiscencing how he used to tell people how wonderful my granny is because she always cooks more than enough for us all and ensures we are all well fed. And how good her dishes are. How it is that my dad never complains about her cooking. She also was telling how thoughtful my dad is that at any juncture or time of the day, when she runs out of her cigarettes, he would immediately drive out to get her a pack, without any need to coax or ask. Granny was saying my dad treats her even better than her own sons. And such is life that he has to be taken away at such a young age.

Yeah, I miss my dad too. I miss having a dad to grow up with so that I could share what I have arrive. Looking back, I have come so far. That little girl from Gajah Berang who got bullied and teased by kampung Indian boys who knew nothing about using fork and knife, about chicken chop and salad nor about the nice cars and dining and wining. I do wish he is here so I can bring him to places he never knew existed. Though of course, I had everything in life that money couldn't buy since I was born, I wish I could now shower my dad with what money can buy, just so that we would be able to enjoy what people consider as 'luxury' at least, once in a lifetime. Other than that, I still don't think I did miss out anything in my childhood years, because I had everything I needed to be a good person.

And then, we spoke about my Kong Kong. How Poh Poh met him, how he proposed after 1 year of dating and how sweet Kong Kong was (a man of few words) walking my Granny back to her mum after her few days of marriage. She was not allowed to returned until 8 days of marriage but since she was miserable and home sick, Kong Kong was sweet enough to illegally walk her back to her home to see her mum. How sweet that was. Poh Poh was describing the places they walked through including the infamous papan bridge behind the old market in Bunga Raya.

I could imagine. It was truly heartfelt listening to her tale. And BTW, before my grandma was married, she was a singer of her own right. She used to sing in the clubs and used to get invited by people from other states to sing for their function and etc. Yes, who would have thought this tiny little lady no more than 5 feet, was a songstress, wears tight fitting cheongsam and stilettos heels everywhere she goes. It is only that my great grandmother (grandpa's mum) that does not allow her to continue with her passion after the marriage. Her love for fashion still lives on. As a little girl, I used to wear her heels and walked around, playing pretend. Hehe… nice black heels!

Ahhh, and us, the entire family of children and grandchildren unfortunately can't sing for nuts nor are we as stylo as her! LOLOL. Where did the talent and fashionista vibes go? Hehe...

Of course, we later spoke about my other cousin who is at my age and is not attached to anyone at all. Poh Poh has it said that she's pretty much a confirmed case of spinster. Hahah… spoken with truth, nothing cynical or hard feeling.

You know, in moments like this, I wish to be capturing the moments. Freeze it. Keep them instill in my memory chest, every word and every feeling attached to it. I really wish.

Of course, we later on made Poh Poh to give a thought about coming to celebrate CNY with us all in KL and we also try convincing her to come to KL to live with us when my brother comes to KL one day. Well, I know she'll have to leave her friends behind and her beloved hobby hobby but instead, I am planning to open a community old folks centre for her so at least she has her time spent with people of her same age during the day if she decides to come up. Pray if she needs to come to KL, this place is ready for her after all. It would be great.

Well, it was great. Great having Poh Poh over and the family to yak over with…it was great.

Yoga for Friday

My teacher called me on Tuesday, asking me if I could do her a favor to take over the yoga class this Friday (today).

I can't say no because I don't have a reason (while I was fiddling within my thoughts if I have a reason!). LOL.

And so, I am leading a class today. I am still laughing because knowing me and my very, playful nature and the silly thoughts I can conjure at any moments in life (provided I am in a light mood), I hope I would not crack up and get everyone laughing during class. Hehe...

Parul asked if I can figure out my sequence to lead. Haha... I don't think I would want to because I am SO bad at remembering the names of the poses especially when they are under Sanskrit's. Gulp.

What I did to those which I really had trouble remembering today is, I drew stick figures next to them. In case, I could not recall what they were at those tiring moments. Heheh... plus, I got this below printed in a piece of paper to refer as I go along this evening. Yak yak yak...

I hope I don't screw up the class!!! LOL. Thank God she had nothing technical because that would be a feat for the younger yogis and I might cause them facture! LOL…

------------------------------------------------------------

Hi. I am writing out the sequence but in case you wish to add or omit something go ahead. If you aren't sure of anything please email me at yogawithparul@gmail.com <mailto:yogawithparul@gmail.com>

I am going to be away to S'pore. Thanks.

Enjoy taking the class.

Sit and focus on Ujjayi breath for 2 mins. Everyone knows this. Then take Kapalabatti breath - each person can count till 120 expulsions. X2

You can estimate timing.

Childs pose 1 min
Downdog 2 mins
Uttanasan 2 mins
9 rounds of Sun Salutes
Savasan for 2 mins
Reclining - single leg lifts - hold each leg for about 2 mins - either catch big toe or hold back of leg.
Fit in some abdominal work here...whatever you recollect
Stand in tadasan. Jump feet apart and go into Triangle - 1 min on each side
Warrior 2 - i min on each side
Side angle stretch (parsvokonasan) - 1 min on each side
Warrior 1 - 1 min on each side
Warrior 3 - 1/2 min on each side
Take any twist
Shoulderstand
Plough
Fish
Seated forward fold(paschimottonasan)
Savasan

Feel free to listen to your body to modify.

Enjoy!

Lv,
Parul

---------------------------------------

Parul said "enjoy"... LOL. I'll try. LOL.

Miniature Earth

My boss sent us this... check it out, means a lot to me, really. Reminds me a lot of the issues that I hold very dear to my little heart...

http://www.miniature-earth.com/me_english.htm

The Bitching Has Begun...

Over the weekend I was invited to have dinner at my in-laws place since my BIL has returned from Singapore. Apparently, we were supposedly to have a family dinner but hey, it turned out that there was a party.

Oh PARTY!

Yucks.

I hate her parties because she always invites the people I detest. And indeed, she did.

SIL invited the ex-colleagues I previously had who were were 'gang' of friends.

Yeah, I'm going to bitch here because I have longed not been doing it.

Birds of the same feather flock together and indeed all of the same bulu were flocking that night in the house.

I don't know how many times I have rolled my eyes and how many times I have sticked my tongue.

In fact, right after dinner, I went upstairs, turned on the lappy and had long chats with Adrian, Pete and Evonne. Partly gossiping about those birds and other nonsensical chats as we tatter along.

I do wonder if that is all she has for friends. I mean, don't she have some fresh faces I have not seen before that does not want to make me puke the moment I look at their faces? Don't she have such decent, nice friends other than this bunch of hilly billy?

On the other hand, as I have said, what do I expect when the same bird with the same flock are together right?

I'm so tired actually. Tired of her ways of working so hard to show off. Show off her house to people. How big it is. How nice it is. How many nice cars it parks. How this and how that.

Yeah, people can be asking me why do I bother? That is correct. Why?

I guess it has come to a point and time where I should not even lift an eye brow to people like her because they are so not worth it. It's like wasting a speck of energy bothering.

I guess this is like one of those occasion when as you were trudging along happily on your yellow brick path, and here comes a big blop of shit, spoiling your journey. So you stop, you fred a little, then you just top toed off by the side of the clean path and start wandering again. And continue with your joyful mode.

I guess this is one of those occasion. :-)

Anyway, I really don't know if this ugly cow SOL stop keeping up with me. I really don't know but on some occasion like this, she does piss me with her furtile attempt. And it even irritates me more when she gets it better than me.

Sometimes I do ask God where is the fairness in life? Is there even any?

Haha...

I mean there has been occasion when I am sure that her career position in the rat race that she viewed to be better off than me is currently keeping her very happy (because she thinks I am a rank lower than her and etc shits). But honestly, and childishly, I wish to be telling her out right how much I earn a month and how much bonus I get a year just to get back at her. Plus, the fact that I get respect from banking folks for the stuff I do as opposed to hers pariah operations which higher echelon people won't even THINK of working there (tho of course, I came from there back then but that is entirely a different story because I have been labelled THEIR pariah while I was there for a good 8 fucking years).

Oh yeah, how can I compete with a 'department head' right when I am reporting to a department head here? And how can I even be on the same playing field or better playing field as her when she has some 50-70 people working under her when I only have 2 right?

That, is what is making her happy.

Plus the fact that she is driving that very sad E90, and me a mere E46. Where am I compared to her?

To add to the cream, her husband is earning in tonnes as compared to my husband since he is earning good Singapore dollar which is 2x the amount of what even we combined earn.

She even lived in a huge supposedly bungalow worth some RM800K when I am only living in a condominium without a garden with koi fishes and the entire load of rubbish she would like to use to console herself.

She has so many branded handbags when I have only that far few which is countable with my 10 little fingers.

She has so many watches, that she has to take turns wearing them and occasionally she forgets about some too.

Yeah, she is that much better than me. To so much extend that I am here, typing shits about her because I so envy her and that itself makes her happy.

So she thinks.

ROTFL.

At piss moments like those, I wish upon everything I have that I would focus my writings and card business to get it through big time, make it real big. So big that such pig could not come even near me in comparison on material wealth and success at all. I do wish to have that ability because I have this yearning to keep her shut entirely, forever. Hahah...

I know, I am that extreme. But just expressing how I feel about this entire episode about her. The relationship is severely broken and I can assure whoever who thinks there is one day hope that we would reconcile that is as good as the moon meeting the sun one day.

So long she has this keeping up with me in her agenda in her life mission, that is no possibility what so ever to have a sis-in-law relationship. And I can bet my entire hard earn fortune (if that mere dough is considered so) on this bit. No way hosey.

That is how extreme my hate her. Haha... and yes, I am laughing, cynically.

Well... one episode about her and her ways.

But nevertheless, there are so many things in life if I were to pick it and list it like a grocery list, I have outwitted her to the floor. Hands down. I am not saying this just to make myself feel better or to blown my own trumpet. But I am saying this because this I how I believe it to be.

I have attained so much in life where she has missed out. I have gotten so much non-material and what money can't buy and those things, she would never, ever have or be better than me.

I don't want to list them down because to me, I already know. I don't even need to seek reaffirmation from anyone or anything that I am.

And I am proud I don't need what money can buy to achieve those things. And I am very sorry for her that she can't have it no matter how much she tried because the fact basic fact that she has been trying to keep up with me has already put her a step always behind me. Always.

Anyway, I have told myself to just live my live to the fullest and live it the way I want it to be, regardless how much she tries emulating me. TRY hard to ignore because I have too much to do in this lifetime to let her affect what I want to do with my own life.

Though I have been going this far too long, there is however occasions like this which she would affect me, to some extend.

Honestly, as much heartless as some people would consider me, I wish she would one day beak off with my nice BIL so he can go get a truly nice chick. But anyway, I am just talking for the sake of myself, not him.

I wish him happiness no doubt but when it comes to her, argh! Donkey shit! Hahah...

OK, I'm done bitching about her for this time around. Heheh... bloody cow dung.

I'm Back!

I have much to say at this point of time because 2 weeks of silence ie not talking crap does indeed have accumulation of nonsensical junk. Haha… much has been stashed under the carpet, especially all sorts of mix feelings / emotions.

So I really don't know where exactly to start.

Obviously with my tonation, I am no longer piss. No longer am I irritated. No longer am I anguish if that is how some people would like to put it. I am back to my usual self.

But to have it stuff aptly into a nutshell, it is indeed true when people say, empty vessel does make the most noise. These 2 weeks of ordeal has indeed proven this quote to be true over and over again. So there is no need to test on this statement because who ever who made this up is a genius. I am reaffirming to this. Hahah…

While I have chunks of real work now to dwell on, I am in extremely great mood because I see some light to my rather dark tunnel. Finally, I'm going to take a real break during the Malay New Year in BKK, then, even better I will be taking off to my favorite island, Bali, for the 5th time. Yahoo.

I have so much to say about Bali. But I don't think I need to bore anyone about it. But if anyone just wants to know why in this wide world would I dig this place over and over again like a broken record, all I can say is - Bali is a very special place because it has this thing about its people, its simplicity, its way of life, its culture and its unassuming ways which I love.

So yes, I am sooo looking forward for a wonderful 2 weeks breakaway! Woo hoo.

As my usual self would bitch when I have been away far too long from the beach, I am now a self proclaim Snow White. I am sooooo white. Urgh! I think I look healthier with real rosy cheeks and real tan. *grin*

On my cards front, have received this awesome order from this lady. She is asking for 20 invitation cards for her little girl's birthday. Indeed I was hesitant to accept but I thought, why not since I have not made such cards. I'm so looking forward to get it done because I can feel the joy of it already. Hehe…

The response to this card thingy has so long been awesome thusfar. For 10 months since the launch of my blog, it has never been a day which I can't say is not great. *grin*

Well just a short one this time. Got to run. Just an update to say I'm well, alive and in good spirit…

Not Today... Unfortunately

I have lots in my mind now. Half of it pissed with people. Yeah, in that sort frame of mind which I know if I were to type any more than additional paragraph, it would not stop and I would go on and on with the bitching. Maybe it is the overloaded of work and its unnecessary shit I get from those people at work. Maybe it is the nonsensical crap I witness when I got over to my in-laws today for a supposedly family dinner. Maybe it was the fact that I no longer want to be living in KL and the fact that I need to break away for a little while (and it is obvious that my vitamin and sanity to this life in the metropolitan stems from breaks away of city infested selfish and dull people).

There, 1 simple para about my feelings at this moment. And the weekend thusfar... hmmm... I can't even see some sense of humor like I normally do. Darn. Yeah, that level. I really can't wait to get to BKK.