Here I am, at some 11am ++ still in the comforts of my room. It should be 10am ++ in BKK, I am lazy. The bones are heavy and the spirit is not stirring to go over to the pool to chill. Don't ask why. I don't have an answer. This is what you call chilling I think. My mind does not do reasoning well.
*grin*
Finally, I figured a way to log into Shanice again. Wo! Thank God, otherwise, it's cut and paste to edit her. I received some note from some real escort agency in India, commenting about Shanice's blog. I don't know if she / he thinks it's for real. Haha. Anyway, I don't know how she / he found me. Fancy some recruitment? Haha...
I find writing Shanice is far more fun than writing mainstream stuff. Sort of more challenging and the creativity bit pulls me beyond what I already am. With mainstream writing, it is as creative but it does not make my heart palpitate like I am off running. That sort of a rush. Hehe... so I have decided I would focus in Shanice for now and the mainstream shall take it's second stage.
Talking about Shanice, I miss her. I really do. And now the mojo's back with her and my thoughts are crystal clear, I shall believe I could storm out some interesting stuff. Of course, I have also decided I would edit the entire gist which has already been published into a less 'hardcore' material so by and large, every gender would be able to enjoy. I need to have more emotions, more intricate details. Just lack of saying, I need to inject more sophistication into this piece so it will read more tastefully.
Am or will I be ending as an erotic writer? I don't think so. This to me, is just the beginning. In writing, as in everything else creative, there is never an end. No one becomes the master. It's an overly colossal field.
There is something about writing and me. Sometimes I really wish I don't have to work and I could my life away. So to speak. Likewise for making cards and drawing. Everytime I dwell into them I say the same thing. Then it always gets me asking to myself what in the world is holding back in getting into them full time?
Money.
I am not shy to admit that money still overrides my passion. Though I am not as gung ho as some people who could just call it quit, money however fuels my passion. And that, is the root to it all.
I mean, as virtuous as anyone would like to be, no one would however admit that if there is no comforts and feeling of security, one would be happy. Because behind that mind, there is always the tinge of need-to-survive. Do I have enough for afterward's meal? Do I have to buy what I would love to have? Do I even have enough to enjoy a plate of char kuay teow I am craving?
I am touching to even such basics.
While people rant about being humble, not greedy and satisfaction on meeting mere needs, the question lies again, where and what is really it?
I have been in such situation in my life (wah, now I am justifying myself it seemed) and I feel I really don't need such struggle. After all being in the rat race has its bad and good days, just like everytime else but the best bet about it is, every month I have a decent amount credited into my account to at least have decent meals. I don't need to even wonder if I have enough to eat KFC or a kilo of chicken has increased price by RM1. I could afford to say, it is ok.
So the question really is, if I am to shut it all off, am I ready to get to square one where I just started 12 years ago for the sake of passion? Would writing, drawing and card making bring me such comfort and security?
I am not putting down people who claimed they would not succumb to the material world's pressure, nor would I shun people who lived within their passion and is willing to 'kais pagi makan pagi', I in fact, applaud them for their courage. For their spirit to continuously have their passion fuelling their life rather than comforts in life to add some meaning.
But I realised, I've come this far and it's far to tough to just let it go.
As Eugene have said it (for other context), sometimes we've got to know what is real and what is right. It is enough well said for this case. But like everything else in this life, there is no everything anyone can have. Not even the kings and queens in this world. Not even Dalai Lama or the Pope.
Life is indeed such. It's what I deemd to be great. Life's great.
*grin*
Finally, I figured a way to log into Shanice again. Wo! Thank God, otherwise, it's cut and paste to edit her. I received some note from some real escort agency in India, commenting about Shanice's blog. I don't know if she / he thinks it's for real. Haha. Anyway, I don't know how she / he found me. Fancy some recruitment? Haha...
I find writing Shanice is far more fun than writing mainstream stuff. Sort of more challenging and the creativity bit pulls me beyond what I already am. With mainstream writing, it is as creative but it does not make my heart palpitate like I am off running. That sort of a rush. Hehe... so I have decided I would focus in Shanice for now and the mainstream shall take it's second stage.
Talking about Shanice, I miss her. I really do. And now the mojo's back with her and my thoughts are crystal clear, I shall believe I could storm out some interesting stuff. Of course, I have also decided I would edit the entire gist which has already been published into a less 'hardcore' material so by and large, every gender would be able to enjoy. I need to have more emotions, more intricate details. Just lack of saying, I need to inject more sophistication into this piece so it will read more tastefully.
Am or will I be ending as an erotic writer? I don't think so. This to me, is just the beginning. In writing, as in everything else creative, there is never an end. No one becomes the master. It's an overly colossal field.
There is something about writing and me. Sometimes I really wish I don't have to work and I could my life away. So to speak. Likewise for making cards and drawing. Everytime I dwell into them I say the same thing. Then it always gets me asking to myself what in the world is holding back in getting into them full time?
Money.
I am not shy to admit that money still overrides my passion. Though I am not as gung ho as some people who could just call it quit, money however fuels my passion. And that, is the root to it all.
I mean, as virtuous as anyone would like to be, no one would however admit that if there is no comforts and feeling of security, one would be happy. Because behind that mind, there is always the tinge of need-to-survive. Do I have enough for afterward's meal? Do I have to buy what I would love to have? Do I even have enough to enjoy a plate of char kuay teow I am craving?
I am touching to even such basics.
While people rant about being humble, not greedy and satisfaction on meeting mere needs, the question lies again, where and what is really it?
I have been in such situation in my life (wah, now I am justifying myself it seemed) and I feel I really don't need such struggle. After all being in the rat race has its bad and good days, just like everytime else but the best bet about it is, every month I have a decent amount credited into my account to at least have decent meals. I don't need to even wonder if I have enough to eat KFC or a kilo of chicken has increased price by RM1. I could afford to say, it is ok.
So the question really is, if I am to shut it all off, am I ready to get to square one where I just started 12 years ago for the sake of passion? Would writing, drawing and card making bring me such comfort and security?
I am not putting down people who claimed they would not succumb to the material world's pressure, nor would I shun people who lived within their passion and is willing to 'kais pagi makan pagi', I in fact, applaud them for their courage. For their spirit to continuously have their passion fuelling their life rather than comforts in life to add some meaning.
But I realised, I've come this far and it's far to tough to just let it go.
As Eugene have said it (for other context), sometimes we've got to know what is real and what is right. It is enough well said for this case. But like everything else in this life, there is no everything anyone can have. Not even the kings and queens in this world. Not even Dalai Lama or the Pope.
Life is indeed such. It's what I deemd to be great. Life's great.
