When?

Yes, I am finally back in the little historical city I call home. And as I normally do, I ignore all calls that comes by while I am travelling so I don't get questions after questions from my mum or grandma "What time will I be reaching."

By the time I reach Malacca, guess what?

I have 100 miss calls from my granny. Yeah. Beat that. This is the first time in my entire 34 years of life have I reached a total 100 missed call from 1 person in 1 go. Hahah... grandmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Anyway, I have also forgotten to note about my taste with a Carrera 4S yesterday morning while I was driving to work.

Sigh, Carrera 4S.

See, there is this fimilar Indian, affluent looking 'uncle' whom we have seen around in the mamak during some mornings where I feast on a short breakfast before work. Simple stuff like half boiled eggs and toasted kaya and butter. My ultimate favourite breakfast choice.

Anyway, he was always there with his XFR. Yeah, XFR the Jag. And I was always telling Eugene how tasteful uncle has on cars. Except that he got a color which I don't really fancy but, all in all, it's a nice car.

He normally takes roti canai. And he is normally with someone to company him. Always, someone different.

As I was at the 1st traffic lights heading towards Penchala Link, he turned into the same road.

"Ohhhh, Uncle in a Porsh today," I said to myself.

"Wait, drive nearer, see which model that is."

And by the 2nd traffic stop, I was by purpose next to him so I can have a good look at this car.

By the time the traffic turned green, he lost me.

3rd traffic light, I was directly behind him and had all the look see I could afford.

By the 4th traffic, oh well, it was all the way to Penchala Link and beyond. No more sight of him ANYMORE. Not even a smell of smoke.

There.

Carrera 4S. When I see him again in the mamak, I got questions for uncle.

But I also want him to know that he is my inspiration to work harder so one wonderful day, I would be zooming in that car too.

I can FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL the power. I already can. *Breathless*

Now, when is my car coming?

Friday Updates

I have been crazy busy for the whole of this week. There is never a day where I sit idly having to figure out what I want to even have for lunch. It's more like, "Why do I have to be hungry" or "Why don't someone just get me something to fill this tummy."

Yeah, I am in that kind of mode.

I wanted to catch some people up but… hey, some people just don't have time. Busy, busy. But it is ok. He wants to catch me enough, he will catch me… hehe…

I am also not in a state to debate over things because my mind is pretty numb and tired.

Plus, the decision on the cards I am about to print is driving me crazy, and I must admit, I must be crazying the guy there crazy too. (BTW, his name is Jason). Poor Jason. I wish to be more like my usual self of certain - I know what I want, I know what I need and I know where I want to go.

I think, if he could roll his eyes in front of me, he would have done it and by now, it just as well reach Singapore. Hehe… Sorry Jason. But thank you for the extremely non-nerve ending patience.

I have just also shifted to my new cubi in the office. I have to say, I don't quite like it because it isolates me a little from people that I'm so comfortable being with throughout these 3 years. Tho there is more privacy but I don't see the reason because I am so use to doing my work in the open with everyone around. Hehe…

And yes, suddenly, I have this pang that I miss my neighbor of 1 year - Heng Ewe because I have got someone to bitch about whenever I want by just a turn of my head / neck. Here, zero human. And like I don't have people to share my fruits and junks with. Haha…

Already missing that la!

Anyway, I had a long healthy argument with Patrick the ex-schoolmate late night. Hahaah… it is either I am tired or I am just having enough to think about life and its underlying link to success of a person. But no matter that Patrick choose to believe, I am in a very strong opinion that I do not entirely believe that there is nothing about luck and fate that doesn't play a part.

I have witnessed enough of luck and fate to attest.

But honestly, not that I am blowing my trumpet, but I think put a banker and/or sales person to hold a discussion, chances of losing to that banker/sales person is high. Hahaah. Somehow, if I were to pursue with that talk, I am certain I could make Pat eat some of his words. Hahah… not because I am talking cock but the mere fact of fact that I realise in my field of work, it is the ability to put forth what you believe and getting the person eventually, disagree to agree with you has been something I learnt while I have been in Risk, to some extend.

Haha… not bad la. At least I pick some skills up in my 3 years here. Haha…

I have a lot more to ramble but I need to break away. I will be leaving for hometown tomorrow to celebrate my mummy's birthday tomorrow. And I am looking forward to that.

But overall, I am indeed feeling great, no doubt tired.

*GRIN*

Happy Weekend!

Message to My Dad

Just a quick one.

Today is my daddy's 19 year death anniversary.

Profound. Poignant. Life changing.

These words are beyond just alphabets. They defined me to be the person I am today, 19 years later.

I have not been able to call "Daddy" or "D" or "Dad" because my father has not been around through these years but I totally understand.

This is part of life. This has been the way it is supposed to be and this has been the way.

At this moment, I can't believe my eyes to acknowledge how much of time has flown, putting shame to everything old age because despite this remarkable number 19, I still feel he has just been away.

Not this Godly 19 years.

While I don't want to overly rant about how great my dad has been (because I do that all the time when I think of him and I don't believe I should be doing so just on his death anniversary), I just want to say that despite the tough years, there is one thing I am more than thankful and appreciative than anything else.

That, my mum has been able to go through such difficult times without my dad. And she has been able to thrug us along with her 2 bare hands.

If there is a woman and person in this world that deserve all the recognition and pat on the back and most honorable award, it should and must go to my mum.

She is the most "anchor" and "iron" woman I have ever known. And I must say, she deserve the best since we are all grown up and she has been able to move on with living life ever since dad passed on.

One heck of a woman there.

And yes, I'm am proud she is my mother. I am her daughter. She is my dad's wife. My brother's mum.

So dad, where ever you maybe, thanks for the blessings. We have been definitely blessed. I can't be asking for more. And you too, you have one heck of a woman there in your life. She deserves all of your love and needless to say, ours too.

We miss you and you will always be in our loving memory.

Wee Peng Ann
1947-1990
An awesome Father, Husband, Son, Son-in-Law, Brother & Friend ever roam.

Flatter / Honor

Sometimes it takes me ages to think what really to write because at times, my opinion really looks fuzzy if opinions and thoughts can be made into images.

The week has been a fun one for me really, like a walk around the theme park with some adrenalin rush, worry, fear, laughter and pleasant surprises. So I am not complaining. Though next week will be the quite a feat, I try not to envisage what will become of it until then. No use ponder over matters which I am not doing anything about.

As usual, I was stucked in the jam for a Godly 1 hour 10 minutes just to reach home. Sometimes, I do wonder why people torment themselves braving through this hideous journey just to get back home. Maybe like me, people need to go home to eat. Haha.. and they can't wait until the jam cease. Most things (which I can think off now) can wait additional 1 hour.

Like one can pop into the nearby bar next to the office and chill for the weekend. Start celebrating with capital H for hallelujah kinda thing. Why not if not other then a hungry tummy?

As I was building my patience power in the car, I received a message from my boss who is now in Singapore with my ex-boss. They made a trip just to have a drink with him. How profound.

He had this said in exact, "I am drinking with Dom now and one of the conversations was u. He is still so fond of u and glad that he hired u."

My jaw dropped.

For many, many reasons.

For as many years that I could recall, I have been living in this sea of perception of those envious very-sad-no-life-mediocre that I do not deserve the position and recognition I have gotten. And these are said from people who either do not know me well enough and gets all green envy when I walk and stand tall when ever I strike in the office (I just had to add it on with an attitude here hahaha) looking all prim and proper, with an attitude and energy that infects, or by people who works with me who envies my recognition because they did not get what they 'think' they deserve. Or think / feel / believe I have gotten far more then them.

It sickens me. But I have come to a point where when I feel such attitude is being imposed upon me unjustly, I close up and abandon the person entirely without giving even a single form of acknowledgement or discard the entire link of friendship or ignore the people entirely.

I have indeed learnt my lesson well. Stay away from bosses as much as you can so there is no basis for tongues to wag. And when such recognition is given when due, there is absolutely no reason what so ever can anyone find to justify their right to envy.

I don't even want to explain myself as true friend will never need me to do that.

Besides that, I am flattered. I am flattered because for the longest time my memory could serve me, no one has given me supposedly due compliments about me. As in, a compliment which I could whole heartedly accept with 2nd thoughts if there was an agenda behind it.

Yes, such are people these days. 95% of the people gives something good out for a reason which they hope for something in favor of a return. Not because they think people deserve the compliment for the things they do and so they give one.

So I am touched because Dom falls under this very special 5% of the people I know.

I am also amazed with myself because with all honesty, I was just merely giving my best at work. Always. I can't deny that I have no-mood-to-work days and feeling-like-a-useless-wreck days but I keep it on with the thought that I need to be fair to my employer for paying me. I don't want to short change them for fee they pay me to do work. And that is the very reason, I do my best, or rather TRY to do my best.

Besides, I need the dough badly enough to fund my passion. I mean, who is gonna feed those stuff if I don't have this job? Therefore, I can't give my employer a reason that I am not good enough to be paid that salary and likewise, I need to give them every reason.

So by end of the day now, I truly feel my point has been made and I have proven myself that I am worthy of what I have done. That, is something I don't need to just believe because someone has affirm that without qualms.

Amen.

October Review

I want to be thick skin to say that I'm infectiously likeable and/or loathsome. Depending on who and what. And I could be both at the same time, to the same people. But I really think it has got to be the alter-ego side of me that stems such strong opposites.

Haha…

Just making a statement to remind myself. *eyes rolling at myself*

I'm just in this kind of mood. Self trumpeting, self acclaiming and self praise. So much of narcissist juices flowing here…muahaha.

But this really comes with an attitude where some people would like to inflate. But who doesn't right?

I was piss that my boss refuse to grant me some days of leave to visit the islands in December. But I'm in a whatever mood now as I am typing this. I'll just find for other stuff to do. It's December and I don't want to be seen brooding over this. Somehow.

As for that, I've written a lengthy resolution next year and it is funny how last year I don't have a single one except body of megan fox to some extend (except her boobies) <-- I really mean it but for 2010, I have a whole lot to live by. It is really funny how seasons change people.

I've gone up the curve, then down, then up and somehow, given the same stuff I still do and thread, I somehow do not feel, see and sense the same like I used to going back to where my memory serves me. So I believe, I have changed in some of my perspective in life.

I however do not know if it is for the better or worst but only time will tell. :-)

Though of course there is still 2 months to complete before I sum 2009 for myself, I am already saying it has been a less travelled year as compared to 2008. Of which, I strongly believe I should improve on that.

Work wise, I'm done with my current portfolio which I have steeply climbed throughout the 3 years, so in 2010 I am ready for a new challenge. I am happy for that.

On my cards, as I have written about Card-A-Heart and its 1st year anniversary. I have come quite a distance I should say. I foresee 2010 to be even greater because I have got plans to expand my horizon in this area to a much bigger portfolio. I hope for that to materializes. The result of this would be a leap change for me in terms of my job aka career. So this is a one big one to look out for me.

Also, I'll be moving on with a new car soon. Honestly feeling excited about it but I can't point precisely when. Rough gauge would be about year end or Jan. It all depends on the forces of things. Not really within my control to dictate the exact time. How wish though, unfortunately, not everything could be that way…heheh.

I've also managed to tighten my ties with some old people (not literally speaking, sensitive!) I know way back more than a decade ago. So it is bloody nice to be catching up with things and start moving forward with them if they happen to be threading on the same line. On friends side, I have also discarded a few people out, like spring cleaning my little closet. So it's less stress having to endure their pain ass. Haha.. I'm glad I did but I guess, as the years go by, stuff like this happens anyway. People come, people go.

However said, 2009 has not been a single year of race for me. At earlier stages I was mega disappointed but now that it is almost the end and I have just recovered, there is nothing more than I can say but thankful that I got back an ankle that could eventually bring me back the distances I never knew could carry me. I'm sad I did not race but I am glad I too the much needed break. At least, so I think, I feel stronger now. Hahah…

Writing however has take a little back stage at this moment because everything is happening. Very unfortunate. Unless tomorrow, mankind decides that, we have 36 hours a day, then I believe I would be able to give writing some of my time. However, as always, it is one of those things that is pleasantly nice, always sitting quietly by my side ready for me to re-visit them whenever I am ready. Mentality. Yes, writing is a mental task and nothing more. Or should I say a mental passion. Haha.. Put it the way you want lah… :-)

Ok lah, so much about 2009 as of October :-) Feel like I'm writing a report. Hehe…

Tuesday Borak

It's been a lively week for me, so far. But it is merely Tuesday but I don't know why but I feel alive offlate. Much alive. Great feeling I say.

Yesterday I had an episode with the supposedly lady who was to print my Xmas cards for the kids home. Well, long story. I don't know what will happen next on this because my trust on her to print my cards is totally 0. Nil. Zilch.

Tomorrow I'll be going Cziplee to see how they go about printing my cards and so be it if the cost and terms are within my conditions. I really don't want to dwell further nor compromise with anyone about this printing stuff. I mean, the least I should have is worry about people conveniently plagiarising my work and make good bucks out of it. Sometimes, honest to God, people REALLY REALLY think I'm fucking stupid and innocent. Gosh... if only they knew..hehehe...

Haha... itu la...

Anyway, just do my best and get the best I could for the 5 sets of Xmas cards and get it moving already. Also that lady is taking too much/long to revert to me on the printing. I don't have the patience to wait.

Anyway, I'm crossing my fingers that my black stallion will get some buyers. just hope and pray so I can change to a new one soon. My fingers are getting quite itchy on this piece already... hehehe.

As Han said, live life to the fullest. Don't think too much over the future.

Roy blood called me just to irritate me about Beyonce's postponed concert. Hahaha, as if I would be hounded. Gosh, just when I thought finally I am getting somewhere with this concert thingy before I am far too old for it, and here it goes, postpone shits. Hehe... what the fuck.

Not going for anymore concert for now as I'm really tired with this hide and seek the government and the singers. They seemed to be playing the game over and over again. What, do they really think we Malaysians have nothing better to do with our lives but just wait and pray concerts come to Malaysia? We've really got better things to do that just harp on that to live life man... these people got to realise that.

Honestly, at this spur of moment, I feel like going back to Malacca for the heck of it on Saturday, then return on Sunday, just in time for Eugene's colleague's wedding. I am starting to get bored living in KL now. Though yes, I have a number of cards order pending here. All nicely queueing up like discipline students waiting to get their food in the canteen. Hehe...

Janie called me today and told me some stupid bimbo friend of hers called to say she is hurt that she did not call to inform about her growth in the liver when even I know about it and have posted an article in FB. Gimme a break la cow... what is the fucking problem? What do you expect Janie to do? Make some posters and have it plastered around the town and go around town in a hailer just to inform people that she has got a liver growth and she's worried sick about it. Please la!!!

Alrighty, so much for now. Hehe.. I've said my peace... amen. Back to, er, making cards?

Xmas Cards, Prayers for Janie, Running, Thanks

I thought I was sleepy but I wasn't after turning on the lapping and surf my life away like there is no tomorrow. It is 3am++ now but my body refuse to go to slumber because weekends are super precious. I do wish that Sat and Sun has 48 hours a day. Honestly...

While I am done with 6 designs for the Xmas card I planned to print, 2 don't seemed to be good enough for me. I haven't gotten the time today and I must say it has to be completed tomorrow as otherwise, God knows when I would even get it through. Plus I am starting to doubt of the capability of the printer to print the exact work for me. Honestly.

But I don't think I should be worried about it yet because there is so much I can do since I have not reach that juncture just yet. Plus, maybe, it won't happen. So don't worry unless there is a need <-- yes, reassuring / reminding myself! Haha...

Janie called me yesterday and gave me some bad news about herself. The doctors have found another growth in her liver. I was lost for words there but all I can tell her is not to think too much about it and just take one step at a step and focus on what needs to be done at every moment. From now till month end where she is scheduled for the biopsy, I suggested her to keep herself occupied with things to do so she doesn't spend too much time worrying about the growth. After all, worrying more or worrying less would not cease the growth. I pray for Janie's recovery and that the growth is not cancerous in any way. I pray for her strength to beat this through and above it all, I pray for her to have less worry and at peace. I guess what she needs most now is our prayers.

I don't want to lose a friend. I am not ready. Because I want to see Janie go through her odds before it is time for her to go so that she can mark people's life that she is a fabulous person after all despite what some mother fuckers think or say about her. I want her to prove her point.

Plus, I want her to live through life with perfect and absolute happiness without those heartache and pressure she has been living through for the past 8-9 years. I want her to enjoy the deserving happiness and peace.

And above it all, I want her to be able to hold Stanford's hand and see him grow into a great young man that any mother would be proud. Janie needs to live. So God, please, please, give her all the blessings and please, keep Janie alive. I pray for her to finally find happiness she deserve as a human being after all this health problems is settled. She has to have that many more years to log before she is to be called back. So God, these are my prayers...

As I am typing this also, I just want to acknowledge my heartfelt thanks for God and the people who often pray for me. I just want to return the blessings because I feel what they have blessed me with, overwhelms me at times. And life, despite its ups and downs has been kind to me and so, I pray for all that you guys need so as life is happy and healthy. And I want God and the people who cares for me to know I truly appreciate the blessings. Thank you a million.

Anyway, my mind has not been up much to anything mischevious these few days. Hehe.. after news of Janie, the bitchiness is all gone, just subtle worry for Janie and occasional wonder what's going on with long loss.

Pretty much threading along that line... :-)

Running has been good. But today I had this pang if ever I would run the 21k after all. It even got me wondering if I would still be interested in participating anything >10km races. It got me wondering if I should be bothered since I love running as a hobby, so the question is why stress over training for races? Heheh... well, let's see. Those unGodly discipline of morning runs and etc... it's berserk lah! Hehe...

Well, so much for my thoughts at this moment of 3.42am... I wanna continue my surfing escapade...

I Hate Dorks

Yesterday's jam was totally uncalled for. I tell you. The moment I got out of the office car park, I knew it. That it was going to be a bad one. It took me literally 50 mins just to get out of the city. Beat that man. And it is a mere 5km easily. If I were to run, I would be out the city within 30 mins.

 

It pissed me because I was scurrying to get home to do my runs. I have realized I need to at least run every alternate days if not everyday as otherwise, my entire system tend to lose its fitness and I start feeling sluggish on my legs and my breathing even becomes shorter at faster pace and the entire gist of it all.

 

So it is not much of a choice for me that I need to run.

 

And yes, that got me all moody. I reached home 1 hour, 20 mins later. Beat that.

 

I had a sarcastic remark made in FB about it and somehow, I don't know why I tend to be this humongous magnet that has tendencies to pull dorks to write / make stupid remarks. Honestly.

 

And I got a remark made that made me roll my eyes like it was rolling till Ipoh.

 

This stupid lady with leg hair (some office people) who was once a size of a miniature hippo turned zebra sized had this remark said, "You never look like someone that vocal"

 

LOL.

 

What stupid fucking remark is that?

 

Well as far as I am concern, only a dork aka nerd aka papan would pay such remarks. And honest to God, I do detest people like this.

 

OK, I know. I'm in one of those bitchy mood these 1-3 days. Tend to bitch about things and give pretty much anything unpleasant THE look and THE attitude.

 

And know what, just this morning when I was brewing my green tea in the pantry she was there. I made as if I did not notice her but OF COURSE she did so she greeted me.

 

O.K. Well, my usual nicey self returned the greet and try-very-hard-to-be-sweet smile.

 

She then proceed to ask (which I know something like this is coming since only nerds does things like this to people), "Are you married?"

 

"Yup, why?"

 

"Oh, just wondering."

 

"Do you have kids?"

 

I feel like giving her a slap, honestly. For what? For irritating me on a beautiful Thursday morning which I feel Godly about.

 

Hahah...

 

"Definitely not" I said, smiled and walked out of the pantry.

 

WTF was that for?

 

I think this is just another cow in the KIV of "axe"-ing off from the FB list.

 

I mean, why trouble myself with such unnecessary questions and remarks right? Totally waste of my time.

 

God, can people just leave me alone?

 

Oh yes, I forgot to add, that Ima woman was trying her luck last night in FB, telling me how much she miss reading my blog. Oh, another dork I totally... fill in your own blanks. Hehe... luckily I was logging out... what a pain... *eyes rolling again*

The Story About My Heart

I was observing the trend of guys that went pass my life, guys I have dated and fell for. I realised the ones I truly adore has 4 very distinct characteristics - funny, adores me to the max, smart and a gentleman in their own sense. It is short of saying, I go for guys with character.

Of course, I have dated losers and guys which are lack of character. Several of them. But that is not deemed as a regret because the very next day, they taught me more life lessons that they ever knew. These are about the very egoistical and selfish ones. Familiar?

I recalled my first kiss with this guy who was 4 years my senior. A funny episode. A nice simple guy actually. I wonder where is he now. But no, he is far too simple. Far not crazy enough to dream like me.

Then the 2nd guy, we were pretty steady but it taught me lessons over lessons about guys. How over protective men can generally get, how selfish they are when they like using the term 'belong' to me and how undeniably conservative they want me to be just because I am a women, if turn wife one day should be dressing decently, hold a simple girly job like all other women that roams this Earth and above it all, should be home waiting for his return.

Like what the fuck is that? Haha… far too conservative and unsupportive of my pursuit.

I dated yes, guys.

One with lack of ambition, who could hardly hold a proper conversation with me but he cares for me till bits. Not only that, he's like my little puppy. Always making me laugh. But no, he is far too unambitious. He is far too lack of drive.

Then I dated the other who was pretty empty. A friend yes. A good friend, yes. But I could not go beyond the boundary of a friend. He is however too lack of the character in my definition. Just too lack of that fire.

Then I also dated the guy who stole my heart. But he only stole it for a very short while and he went off without saying goodbye. He is funny, adores me, smart and a gentleman in his own sense. Near miss.

Then I thought I would give some guy who was giving me the looks everytime I have lunch at the college cafeteria a chance to know me better, but hey, he is too much of a geek to me. Just too geeky.

I also happen to have guys who enjoys my company so much so that they want me more than I want them. They are just too in love with me. Just too much overly with me. Haha… well… all sorts.

I then also have a guy who does not know where he is heading with me and had no guts to spill the beans that he would like me to stay with me for a little while. And so, I walked out. I totally walked out and never return. He is too lack of courage to hold me back. His miss. Haha…

Then, I also had a guy who I fell for the very first sight of him. People always ask do you believe in love at the first sight? Let me say - hell no. Afterall, the entire college was in love with him. I was just 'another' of the girls. Which means, how else more can I be more special than that? Haha.. He is too hot to handle and for this, I am too not-up-to-his-standards-to-meet.

But when I look into the mirror. This is no Cinderalla or Snow White or Aurora. This is me. The girl-next-door with a heart that dreams everyday, that believes that all she wants to do is what she can really do and has some fire to touch a personality that to some, they may end up loving, some end up hating.

I am not much of a looker nor do I have a body to kill. What I do know is, when I love, I love to the deepest. And when I hate, I hate to the core. Plus, I always give my best. The best of me to the person I choose to give my heart.

And with this, I have met many guys enough to decide what sort of guy I will want to be with for the rest of my life. And there you have it… my guy… you have it. I gave you the heart, please, take good care of it… this is no money back return, there is no returning, just have it… *wink*

Move On

I just had a conversation from someone I knew back in my Collection days and I must say, the individual has not change much but I have.

I realized I have moved away from the cynical person I used to be along with the group of people I thought I was OK back then.

I realized I have become what I want to be in this span of 3 years, the very person I want to be without having need to worry if I 'fit' into certain category of people so I am able to work and be doing well in my job.

I realized I no longer need to pass any judgment how good a person is be it in their work or life or as a person anymore. It just does not amuse me who and what people are. Nor how other people feel or think about other people. And who is better and who is not. While I hold my opinion, it is solely my opinion garnered from my experiences with whoever I have. But I don't care what people have got to say because by end of the day, it does not matter or make any difference to anyone's life. What really I had shred is my ability to listen to what these 'commentator' has got to say. Somehow, the entire soul gets suck out the moment they start giving me their opinion and the thing about God giving us 2 ears makes all the sense (the left is meant to enter, the right, exit or vice versa).

I realized I no longer need to justify for my actions or decision because at where I am now, my boss, and people around me do accept me as what I am and I am given the space to breath, think and say in a fashion where it is constructive and positive. I am not made to force to do things I do not believe in or made to believe in, for any matter. Nor have or would I be threaten about my increment or bonus (indirectly especially) if I do not execute well. Nobody cares what I really think or feel, then.

I realized my goals in life is far beyond that small world of these people who thought they were everything that they were today. And I realized how shallow these people are as compared where I am now.

I have heeded Pete's advice. I pushed myself forward despite the protest of being a victim of circumstances. I went on lugging my heavy feet though many of times, I refuse to let go the unjust that has been cursed on me. I did move.

And boy, it feels great to be away from such people. Such negative, pessimistic, judgmental, full of talk but not living their life people.

I'm happy I'm away from these crap.

Well, it's one hell of a ride but I won't want to do this again. It's too much of a heartache and pain.

This feeling is such an attestation to how far I've moved away. And it's superb.

Let's continue moving on…

Farewell Note

If I were to leave my office, I would have this simply said.

"Good, better, best. They said this is Citi. I can't agree more.

But it's time to move on to be even better. So here I am.

For those who are residing within those 3 words, until you become the latter, either you will remain always being the best or move to being the "bestest".

I've choose mine. Good luck devils. You'll be missed."

Nuff said. *wink* Haha…

One Lovely Piece

Feels like ... I'm standing in a Timeless Dream ...
of Light Mists ... of pale amber rose
Feels like ... I'm lost in a Deep Cloud of Heavenly Scent
Touching ... Discovering You ...
Those days ... of Warm Rains come rushing back to me
Miles of windless ... Summer Night Air ..
Secret moments ... shared in the heat of the afternoon
Out of the Stillness ...
Soft spoken words ...

You've Got ... the most unbelievable Blue Eyes I've ever seen
You've Got ... me almost Melting Away
As we Lay There ... under a blue sky with Pure White Stars ...
Exotic Sweetness ... a magical time ...

Isn't this beautifully written… sigh, lovely...

If You Don't Know Already

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I Can't Believe My Eyes

A bitch by the name of GT had this commented on my drawings:

"...drew and painted by you ? Never know others than "money face" you used to be in CCD...you do have such good sense of art?"

WTF was that for? (and er, pardon that bad English).

Am I that of a money face bitch that all I know is nothing money?

My God, how shallow some people are.

As I have said, it is always that such people who likes giving such comments that truly reflective what sort of the person they actually are.

And to begin with, this cow doesn't even know me as a person and she has the fucking cheek to comment about me?

Like who the fuck is thinks she is?

My God, please, God, save her. Just save her fucking pussy.

The Phone is dead... enough said

Stupid Thursday

I grumbled my way to the training yesterday. Because I had to raised at 0645 and is scheduled to finish at 1900.

But while there, I learnt many, many things about life. And I am remembered how I am supposed to live my life besides just the mere Citibanker with that supposedly high standards what we are supposed to carry with us all the time.

Though Roger himself is a superb trainer but I'm practically cautious over him because if he chooses to get stern on training matter, boy, he gives us shits.

But yesterday was the day Roger gave A training, and yes, Roger's training were always heartfelt, deep and gets people moving. And it certainly did for me.

I just have to say that God has its ways in reminding me about what my life is all about just as I am at the crossroad and reminding myself to focus on what I want out of it. Just when I just said it, Roger was there to reaffirm.

Coincident? I wonder.

I'm currently busy with things.

Busy to get the cards ready so I can proceed with the entire printing experience.

Busy sorting out work so I can move. Also, trying to find the additional time to pick up Bankcards.

Busy trying to meet some card orders and sorting out some personal ones.

Busy getting back on my 2 feet and the ultimate fitness level I deeply need so I can start running races again.

Speaking of which, I just did a 5km run in KLCC Park on Thursday. I was running along fine and enjoying the pace until when I was about 1.5km, 3 men overtook me. And while they were doing so, I realised they were actually not running that fast after all, merely pace which I could follow.

So I pace with them. And boy, they were so boh-song. They started running faster hoping to drop me. But hey, who are they kidding right? I continued tagging. Hahaha.

Until it hit the additional 500m, 2 idiots decided to stop. Either because that was supposedly to be their last distance or they were too tired for the over run.

Anyway, 1 guy left. And he just refuse to stop and he continued running at 4.50min/km. I followed closely. There were a time while we were running uphill, when I could just over take him (which I refuse) he accelerated and tried leaving me behind. He was already panting and so was I. But I refuse to let go because I wanted to give him a good run. Hahah...

Until I was well past the downhill path, I begin to run slower since I have got another good 2km to go. And guess what?

The fucker stopped running. Just when he realised I was no longer tailing aka pacing him.

What a prick. Are all men are like this? Do they have such huge ego that they cannot accept a female species with the same stamina and fitness?

After that run, I rushed off to have my hair wash and boy, a bunch of crap I got (from the guy who blowed my hair). Real stupid prick. When I asked him about forgetting to put on the hair serum to protect from the really hot heat of dryer, he told me it was intended.

What the fuck was that?

He had the cheek to say, 'some' people choose to believe that it is supposed to be used prior to the blow but he believes it is not necessarily because what the product says on the label need not necessary follow through. We are be flexible.

I pointed to him that it has it clearly said on the label that the protective serum is a cream to protect the hair from heating tools , which means, common sense says it is to be used prior to the blow.

He argued with me.

I gave him the look and I told him do just quickly blow and finish it up. And I returned to my reading.

I refuse to argue with such stupid people. I refuse to even be angry. I refuse to even waste any more of my breath on this.

And he had the cheek to charge me RM40 despite using my own shampoo and stuff. And not forgetting, the other girl who washed my hair could not EVEN wash my hair properly. She fail to scrub, she fail to get the shampoo to the very bottom of my scalp and she was struggling to even get it soppy.

This is the example, of a salon to go bust. Look at the people what work there and the quality of work.

So much for stupid people for a Thursday... sigh...

Who Would?

Never Gonna Give You Up.

Rick Ashley.

The End of the Road.

Boyz to Men.

Because I Love You.

Shakin Stevens.

Nostalgic songs.

I was musing with the pictures Fiona captured when they had a gathering last Sunday. The gang. Yes, I was laughing when I saw THE faces.

My mum used to dread knowing I was hanging out with them. My mum cringe and showed her jackfruit face every time she learnt I went out with them. My mum used to be Sherlock Holmes whenever I "said" I will be out with the girls just for a "little while" in the evenings.

What do we really do?

Look at our innocent faces. What can we girls do? We were born and bred Malacca girls. Pure and innocent.

LOL.

Look at our faces now, what havoc can we wreck? Common…

We used to listen those songs. We used to sing along. We used to memorize the songs so we can sing along. We even shared so many other things together.

Like, whose mother's car did we took for a ride? Like where the hell did we roam around the quintessential Malacca? Like where right?

Like, who would ever thought of winding down the car windows, shut the air-con so we will have more power to the race the boys in the next car? Like who the hell were the boys anyway?

Like where in the world my friends who hang out after school in small town Malacca but the unassuming White Castle near Great Wall in Bachang right?

Like how daring would we get to date notorious guys in Malacca what hounds little Malacca in their cup chai right?

Like how daring would we be to get on the bike as the pillion rider roaming Malacca in those berserk jacked up bikes? Right? How could we?

Like who does not know where the most good looking guys in Malacca live and study right? And who would take all the effort to get to know them? What ever for right? And even know their full name by heart?

Like who would know what RW and TC stands for when it's mark on practically every piece of our own stationeries? How much effort does that silly drawing take?

Like who would take an effort to stay back in school just to hang out with her friends for tennis classes when even today, she could hardly return the green ball with the racquet?

Like who would steal their time at night to get to Stardust, crossing their fingers the bouncer thinks we are above 18?

Or like who would even get someone's parents car to head towards the beach in Klebang and even have supper if we have the time?

Like who would think of chipping in RM1-2 each to fill up the petrol tank so we can at least safely get home after the rendezvous?

Like who would save all their money they ever have to get those very cool 501 Levi's with button fly? Along with cool matching Doc Mart. Who the hell would do that?

Who I wonder?

Example of a Orang Bodoh

Yes, going back to work ain't going to give me much story to tell except bitching about the office people if there is.

Speaking of which, yesterday, while my big boss was on MC, and we were asked to attend this meeting on his behalf (we, as in, my boss, a colleague and myself), the Short Ass (introduction to a new character to this blog, this particular person with Napoleon Syndrome, "previous" a friend of mine, which equates to be my ex-friend, who thinks he is the smartest person on this Earth set to roam, who has no regards to anyone in the office, who is very rude and loud all the time without giving much thoughts how much it reflects on him, who thinks he is God sent to women because he can't decide which gold digger he would want to settle down with and would only call a person he consider as friend when he has no one else around him life to keep him amuse). Yes. That sort of motherfucker.

Anyway, as I was saying. He got his secretary to call my boss' secrectary to inform that he "only wants to have people who can make a decision in the meeting."

And he got his secretary to inform twice. So much so, my boss' secretary told us if we have such capability for the meeting.

I don't know if this fucking Short Ass (in short SA) has some sense about it. My boss is on MC. If we don't attend, then it is as good as no show. Does he mean that he rather have a no show with no queries attended to and having stuff related to us hanging? Or us around, make some decisions and move on?

To begin with, it just shows how much he thinks about us and then aboout himself. How much to begin with, he would give other people opportunity in their job. This just goes to show. In addition to that, as a supposedly Business Head he isn't good himself. As much of a time, as someone less experience than His Majesty, I have even the ability to point this empty strategies and his ridiculous leadership. So what good is he really?

Just 1. ability to talk a lot, 2. ability to talk loudly, 3 ability to talk even more and argue, 4. ability to talk without rationale but talk and 5. ability to talk. As far as I am concerned, that is all he has.

It just reinterates the reason I have struck him out of my friends list. But anyway, just some bitching. No sweat. Such people don't deserve much feelings or thoughts. I just want to ensure such character are made known to people so people should stay away from being such an idiot. I pity him like a dog. I really, really do.

Anyway, just some hantam for the day. Stupid people deserve to be put where the belong. And the best part of it all, he still doesn't know where he stands... stupid ain't it?

Haha...

Card-A-Heart Gonna be ONE

Card-A-Heart would be 1 year old in November and I can't believe time flies like a lightening bolt. I was thinking it to be a blog for the sake of fun and yes, it was journey of not just fun but occasional grumble and piss for the customers I have to entertain. And yes, the activity of eye rolling. But this is merely the 10% of the customers that were irritating. The remaining 90% were AWESOME and very KIND people. I would anytime make free cards for them. Hehe… such is my gratitude. 

Like it or not, running a small blog shop is pretty much running a small simple business to some extend. Even though as much as I am defying it, I refuse to account for the cost and revenue I have done so far.

My money collected? Where really are they now? An envelope sandwiched between my stocks of envelopes. Another plastic bag of money behind my dairy which I keep tab of card orders, deliveries and addresses / contacts. And some, already spent because when those monies goes straight into the wallet, there is no differentiation between revenue made and to-be-spent money.

Such is my financial bit. And so be it.

I know, it is so wrong but I just want it to be as it is. Stupid way of running a blogshop. And I keep telling everyone who thinks I'm stupid, "Let me be please. I'm doing this for passion and fun. Nothing else. I don't even need this to put food on the table."

To begin with, my granny was lamenting how 'bodoh' and "silly" I was not wanting to charge beyond my cost of material.

"What about your time and effort?" she quipped.

"What about your rush work for people who were unreasonable or demanding?"

"Are those all for free?"

"Sor ker (silly one)," lovingly said into my face when she was sitting on the bench near my workstation while I was piecing some cards and chatting with her at the same time.

OK OK, I know. I know.

"I think your Cards are miserably too cheap. This is HANDMADE you know," with the word "handmade" stressed when Eugene laments of my stupidity. Generally, all the time when he finds some 'air' to make a comment about the cards.

"So nice and you charge only RM6 or sometimes RM8? Are you sure you are not making a loss?"

"How much this time for this? RM8 again?"

"Do you want me to buy you a buku kira-kira and I'll help you account for everything you bought and get back? It's very simple you know, just give me your receipts and how many you have sold" Eugene would add every now and then.

"Haiyoooooh, leave me alone pleaseeeeee. I always make sure I never lose out on the cost of cards, I'm not THAT silly" me in kind defense, in reply sweetly ALL THE TIME.

So what now brown cow?

So it's going to be this - RM10 minimum once Card-A-Heart touches 1. For those folks who have ordered from me prior to this, I thank them for their support and therefore, I will continue charging them the old price (except those idiots who were unpleasant, they are to be charged a minimum of RM10, no qualms about that).

All in all, It's been a fun journey I say.

It all started when Hui Hui told me I should get something up to get my cards moving since I like making cards. She was kind to offer her photography skills to capture the stuff I've done so far and at that point she was helping me out on that bit. The problem with such thing is, when you start depending on people, it gets tricky and troublesome to the people helping out. There is a lot of coordination and time taken to snap the cards, then only later delivery. For then for awhile, Adrian did several shots too, hoping to get it moving faster. But the result is still the same.

So finally, I got myself a simple automatic camera. Kind of enough to snap what I needed just to post / archived them prior to sending the real thing out.

And the rest was history as how everyone likes to put it when they talk about how they got started on something.

I've cooked up many request that were beyond me. I've even been challenged to make an unconventional card which somehow became a hit amongst the people so much so that I had to just turn down further request on that piece after making it in various versions for those lucky people. 

I've met people I never knew. I've made friends I never knew. I've even realize and learnt many things I never knew. And not forgetting, I have gotten unprecedented word of encouragement from many, many strangers who hardly know me! Oh, just yesterday, someone just popped by and asked if I give card making classes.

Me? Classes? Me? Teaching people how to make cards? *giggle*

I've also people coming by asking me on "how to" and "where"… plus, we also have people just cheering me all the way or even thanking me for the wonderful card I have made for them or their love ones… *grin*

That, I say, by end of it all, is beyond words can describe. Only the heart knows how wonderful it feels making a difference to people's lives with just a card… that says it all…

I Want To Say My Peace

I realised everyone lives a dream. I live on mine. In fact, I live on many, many dreams. And I realized there has been many dreams which money can attain, I have managed to wrangled my way through and somehow get a piece or 2 of it. But obviously not everything, yet. YET. As for attaining what money cannot buy, I am working on it to many extends to fulfill myself. To put meaning and purpose about my life so it will always have fun and love over the entire journey called my "little life." I work towards being as happy as possible everyday I can so there is no moments that I am left with sadness, heartache or frustration. I can't be perfectly so but I try and will try and keep trying. Or try my very best.

But nevertheless, I don't believe several things as I thread along and I am meaning it in the most humble and sincere manner, with no airs about it.

Firstly, I don't need to apologies for having to afford nice things which I am passionate about. If there are people who envy me and think I happened to have a money trees blooming behind my backyard, then so be it. I'm not going to sweat about this and try to make such people feel that I am worthy of my enjoyment because I have worked hard for the money. But I am not going to show it off like my SOL or to anyone for that matter just to boost my ego. I don’t need such thing to live by.

Secondly, I don't need to explain myself over my choices or how I spend my money. People who decently care for me and is interested for my happiness will not demand an explanation or question my taste or choice. People who loves me would enjoy the moments with me instead of interrogating me as if I have committed a murder on the dance floor. I should by all means not be bothered about laments on my choice even or worst still worry what people think of me garnering from the choices I have made. Or be bothered with how people perceived me to be just because I choose this rather than that.

Thirdly, I don't see any reason whatsoever that I should stay on the same mainstream life just like everyone else just so not to be raising any eyebrows or having to explain myself over it. If people think I need to explain then these people should not even be my friend. And I should not even be bothered what people think of me for leading the way I want to lead. I should just chill and be happy however I want it to be.

There I have said. So if people think this is the core of an attitude problem, then so be it too. I am not even denying I don't have an attitude. And, I am absolutely not going to apologies for being so. I don't need that.

Yes, the fat lady has sung. Enough said. Hmph!

PS: Fatin wrote on my wall in FB, partly about my ex-blog. I told her I shut it to shut preying people. I hope those motherfuckers get the message. Muahah. I am such a bitch some times.

Live Life To The Fullest

I made myself promise over the term of the past few days that I would live my life to the fullest and I will never look back with regrets. I thought I have it said before but somehow the idea wore off.

I have almost forgotten what I have pledged this many times in previous years and months, amidst the chaos.

Somehow, there are the few people in this lifetime that fits into this almost picture perfect and these are the few people who has the guts to defy norm just to live to the fullest.

My hats off.

And I almost totally lost it. I almost got into the bandwagon of aunties and uncles and I almost wanted to settledown like everyone else.

When did that happened???

So yes, just to set it off, we went to off to see THE Cayman. Yes, THE Cayman I have been thinking of getting for the longest time.

Yes, I was drooling again, drooling head over tail for it. Drooling from the mouth every second I was there. There were like a fleet of Caymans right in front of my eyes and I was just entirely engrossed without much to say.

Sigh, when would I ever be driving one of these beast to work every day?

When???

Sigh... super nice. Super awesome.

Right after that, we were so absorbed into the entire scene that our thoughts were nothing but clouded with Cayman. Honestly, I do wish, money is not a problem at all. I really do.

Sigh...

Alright, enough of lingering. Time to plan for October, Novemver and December things-to-do. No time to waste.

:-)

Bored

Some fuckers came to my card blog and asked me what ever happened to my previous blog. He's some big fucker (not literally in size) which I have something against his God damn attitude. Then later at night, another lady who always irritates me with her leceh-ness told me she miss reading my blog.

Oh! If only these people know how much I detest them reading my shared thoughts. Yeah. I know, I'm even calling it 'shared' so how can I not share right? Of course. Sharing with the right people I mean!

Net net, what I am saying is there are people in this lifetime who is always wanting to live by other people's life. Just like the other people's life is some morphine to their ego, sanity, esteem and demanded respect. It has to be.

Anyway, as far as I am concerned, I am not here to entertain people so fuck off people. Just fuck off. Bodoh la orang nie semua. Hehe...

Returning from Bali would often bring me back to reality. In every single bit and sense. In 2 days' time I will be venturing into the rat race again. Don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Somehow, my most recent thoughts was actually wondering if I should ever seriously work toward quitting. I know. Sometimes, I can get rather drastic. I am pondering... am definitely not complaining about the dough I am making but the monotonous life of office hours, office dress up, office politics, office air and office workstation. Sigh, bring a big bolt of rock onto my shoulders just thinking about it... hehe *dramatize a little*

When my thoughts recall of all these, it does make me cringe. As in cringe with all the little lines between my temple, making it look like a bulldog. A bitch bulldog for this case. Hehe...

Sigh.

Anyway, I have again, reinterated to myself that let's not get overly bothered or hung up over it and cruise along. Do what my heart beats for whenever I am out of office and work diligently on those I love. Then, when the time comes, by fate, I believe things would give me a take or turn.

The problem with me is, I am one person who refuse to be in a similar situation for far too long. I just need to move. I need to be heading somewhere, doing things I pleasantly love and attain something out of it, otherwise, I get depress and my thoughts start thinking of various means to make myself cherry. Such is me.

At this point, my mind is toggling with getting serious with climbing and diving, go cari the kakis so I have some new stuff to linger with. Until, I get bored that is.

Looking at the current economic situation and the fate of car financing rates, I don't even have much hope when I would be getting my Cayman. That is fucking 1 thing that would keep be busy for a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time. I bet. Haha... just pray lah. Pray interest goes down and I swear I will be locking one in no time. I trust to have a black or white this time around.

I guess I better continue with Shanice before I loose the steam again... Ah, wonders of the fictional world... *grin*

The Last But Not the Least

And so, the days have come to an end and I will be packing tomorrow leaving this island I so love. Time flies. And everytime this happens my heart dampens with wonder how soon will I be getting back here. That is the reason I return the islands time and again without must thoughts.

Someone said he wanted to do some ‘scrub’ and ‘scrub’ we went. It was dejavu nevertheless where how things can get pretty messy and uncomfortable. So I opted for some neck and shoulder along with another hour of foot. To fill up some time actually.

They had us into the room. Then they asked Eugene to change into some black disposal underwear (because he was the one interested in the scrub). I was laughing hyenas already. Then Eugene was mumbling that speaking with the head facing through the massage table hole gets one smelling over one’s own bad breath.

LOL.

Haha... I could then hear the shuffling and tugging of hands working on the body so I let it be for a little while. Then, it stopped, of which I took a peek and saw some gooey stuff was left on the body to ‘dry.’ I guess. It was a LONG session of drying up alright, so much so that the messagee (the person who was messaged) was asking me if they have forgotten about him. LOL.

After the LONG while, the massauer headed back to scrub off the paste and had this yucky sour smelling pig’s yogurt slaundered onto the body instead and then again, left to dry.

I was laughing without much control at this point. I just can't help it. I was in the opinion that it was more like being left to marinate while wrapped up with a piece of already soak with what-ever-slimy stuff batik clothes. Argh!

Haha... the sour scent was fermenting the air. My thoughts got even grossier (is there such a word?) when I learnt it to be pig’s milk.

LOL.

I was hysterical at the point when I witness the session of drying up. So much so that I can’t stop gigling which I believe the massuer must be thinking she caught some funny bone she never knew.

So much for 'scrub' in a Balinese spa...LOL.

Anyway, we have failed miserably this time around in getting sufficient bakso. Fail. Fail. Putting up in Nusa Dua isn’t the best place to have Bakso in abundance. Darn. We went to extend with hailing a cab and driving around the area in a hot afternoon, looking for a Bakso stall. People may wonder. Is Bakso that delicious after all? Or actually these 2 kiamsiap tourists are that of a miser that they refuse luxurious yet expensive hotel dishes?

ohhh, whatever. This tummy needs 'real' food I say!

Eating in Bali has been a pleasure for me. I can’t express the magnitude of delirious experience savouring its Nasi Jingo, Nasi Campur, Soto Ayam and what ever else Balinese has to offer. Along with Teh Sosro. Sigh.

The last sigh, signing off from Bali.

Bali the 5th

I forgot how quiet Nusa Dua beach is until today. The last time when we got ourselves checked into Tanjung Benoa, it was a hell of a racket to begin with. Loads by loads of busses loom the entire 2 way narrow ‘alley’ in Tg. Benoa, adding on the dust fillied pavement as I walk past to one of the unassuming Bakso stalls for tea or brunch or what ever that is supposed to be called.

Nusa Dua to some extend eludes reality. To some extend. It’s almost still albeit the passing by of Paks and Bus offering generic floral printed dresses, Frangipani styrofoam hair clips (which makes you wonder if mutanity has taken some toll over electric blue or bright pink Frangipanis), some endearing light weight kites with shapes of a boat, fish, dragonfly and subtle offering on their motor sports (they pronounced it much as moto se-port) services which covers the likes of parasailing, flying fish, banana boats, well, er, everything else along that line.

So here I am.

The 5th time. I was still enthralled by the landing of the aircraft and need of it to make a u-turn everytime it is about to land on this cultured island. It never ceased to put a smile on my face whenever I look below the craft just as I could feel the descendant of the altitude, filling the scene vast blue turquoise waters, quietly washing the island.

My thoughts flickers between winning Farm Frenzy over Eugene from that free version game of iTunes for ‘free loaders,’ reading about the silly Wooster and Jeeves and making small fusses over direct sun rays bestowed unto my about-to wrinkled skin.

I amazed myself with the degree of shying away from direct sunlight (not that I mind but I am witnessing frightful apprearance of freckles over my body and face. Argh! If only I stand flawless, here stands a tan female I say. That pariah SOL was just lamenting the other day that some place in Gardens has opened a tanning salon, she apparently was wondering who in the right frame of mind would be frequenting such places. Obviously, it was all said in less of such demure English) but yet, just after my shower 10 minutes ago, I realised half of my left body is showing a healthy glow of sun marks. Red and healthy I daresay. Then what ever is to happen to my right side? That means some work tomorrow...argh....

Tomorrow I shall be getting that balance alright, I hope.

Along with this wonder, I did a very short run along the paved path on the entire beach. It was a short span as compared to Chaweng but it was fun. Plus, the path is flat enough not to harm any tendons or cartilage. I think. And the path was crossing through all hotel fronts along Nusa Dua.

Ain’t that nice?

And thus, my effort to lose those kilos are relatively commendable. I am quite please. Nevertheless, I wish to persevere until I am back to my wannabe 48kg (ala some 6 years back). There is nothing that could take away a person’s dream being able to walk around without a tinge of worry (of oozing lard) over whatever is put / hung over the body. That if you ask me, IS luxury. Haha... But I am not all that wanting to be that skinny bitch ala chicks on the runway.

Anyway, while holidaying, my critical and cynical thoughts lay pretty numb half of the time. So I kind of lack of lustre in writing. My mind is often not working except for basic living propensity. Which inclines me to read, play no brainer games and exercise.

Speaking of which, I had a chin-chai game of badminton prior to my running. Some mere 10 minutes of slow pacing hitting to and fro. It was quite fun albeit Eugene never cease to lament that my standards are like child-play to him. Hah! Just wait till I praticse... haha.

Maybe I should also grab the ping pong bat tomorrow. But I am no good of a ping pong player as Micheal Jordan to frying chicken, I just hit like a 9 year old. *grin*

So much of cakap kosong. Well, I will still be here tomorrow but I wish to have like a week more of this. Unfortunately, beggars can’t be much of a chooser when time is not all that I have.