Yesterday, Eugene asked me if I am finally ready for the plunge. I was trembling and all I can say is, "I am scared."
I have not really given Cayman a really, really hard thought honestly. Yeah it is my dream. Yeah it is my love. Yeah it is something I crave and yeah, this is one material stuff which will make me also the happiest person on Earth realising the dream, the love and crave. And be enjoying the sheer power and beauty of its curves. My.
And because it is a dream. One never really, really think hard when it is time to decide a yes or no, what then? How would the feelings handle it? How would one react to the overwhelming thought of actually holding the steering of this beastly machine and knowing that it belongs to you? That you actually worked hard with your two bare hands and you finally could attain it (with a broken bank account)? That what you thought was just a dream actually is coming true? And not mentioning spending that sinful sum of money to realised that dream? For a machine? For the roaring of the machine every time you turn that ignition on. For the power that it could accelerate just with a small tap of the pedal. For the zest of enthusiasm when you drive it, or it drives you. Wow.
My boss keeps telling me to put it away. Put that crazy thought away because it is crazy. A totally mad thought. Berserk splurge. And he said, delay it, delay it until there is no longer any passion left for it so I will not spend on this crazy metal piece.
Which I agree if I am a totally sane, safe and monotonous person. I would even agree if I see no point in living life to the fullest.
But I am no sane, safe and monotonous person! Hahah.. I am a staunch follower of living my life to the maximum of my means and I am THAT crazy.
Then again, when it comes back to the crunch of it ie. a yes or no. I could only feel 'scared' now. I have never purchase something so out of the world before and it sure is bewildering and overwhelming.
So... at this point, if anyone is wondering, what's cooking, I am sitting quietly here, on a tree branch of an oak tree, watching the world go by and enjoying the cool breeze that is comforting me to stay focus and at peace. That is all I can say for now.
I really don't have an answer yet. And I don't want to be pressured in any way what so ever for this piece. *deep breath*, just let me enjoy this moment first... Heheh... but one thing I know is, I will not ever want to say this when I look back as an old lady, "I once had a dream but when I was almost there, I gave it all up because I was scared. I just loss my way. I loss it all."
