I realized at the most recent shift of my job to Cards there is in particular an individual that has 'something' against me but she has no guts to let it all out since there is simply no basis. Plus, I am in the opinion that she is extremely threaten over my coming and she has after all the pondering, feels she is better than me. And I am going to say {which I am sure I am sounding like a bitch} that it am perplexed over her attitude because she has been portraying to be this pious person all, God's grace and all, nice and kind and all, but by end of the day, she isn't all that 'nice' as she seemed.
Maybe I'm just extremely sensitive like a throbbing clit. Maybe. But my gut feel, especially when it is about how someone feels about a situation or feel about something is never wrong. I dare put some money down on this.
To begin with, let me share my observation.
I just called her asking what some abbreviation means and all she did was brushed me off by asking me to just put a 'certain' word down to explain it. But the fact of the matter was, I was trying to understand what it really was and she just refuse to explain. She probably feels these are the ways to keep me away from knowing more than her. I guess.
If only she knows the world doesn’t just revolves around her.
Then there were those casual conversations when she has this 'thing' about always having to disagree with me. And while I look around, she never seemed to do that with people she is totally comfortable with. In fact she's utterly nice to them all the time.
So how does one explain that?
Of course, everyone feels she is nice because she wants them to choose to believe she is. It's just all the 'wayang'. I feel she is as manipulative as the Witch of the East because if someone is naturally nice, someone is naturally nice to everyone. They don’t' just go picking who to be nice and doesn't. Plus, while I am pointing my fingers on her, I did point 3 back to me and ask if in any juncture have I offended her, say something she does not like or even do anything I am not supposed to.
Apparently, my approach to everyone in the department has been the standard same niceness, except Old Maid who ticks me off once in awhile. Even with Pathetic J. Even with Loser, I am cordially nice.
But I also would believe that maybe, I have this 'thing' about the way I carry myself and generally, the entire feel people have over me.
Then just this morning, she was asking if I am still interested to get the Crabtree stuff since she has a card that gives 25% instead of the 15% I'm eligible {because I was asking around who has THAT card}. So, why that niceness? I wondered.
I have come to a conclusion that she is at this point in her life trying to figure out where I stand in her life. Colleague? Friend? Threat? Competition? And while I am pretty much all 4, it's tough to treat someone as a colleague, friend, threat and competition. I am sure.
And I 'think' that explains her inconsistent attitude towards me.
As I have said, I'm perplexed because once upon a time, she has treated me like she treated everyone else, but now, she tends to have the tendency to single me out and treats me differently.
I am however, still observing and not reacting. Plus I don't see a point since who is this person after all? Now that she has made it obvious in various occasion, she just deserve to be a colleague and nothing more. So, I will not hesitate to keep her as one. Full stop.
Enough said. I've document enough about her and thus, it's time I take no heed. This piece is just a reminder to myself, no matter how nice you are to people around you, there will always be someone insecure who will envy you for who you are. Even more so if they are those supposedly people trying to live up to the name of God and that bunch of crap. I'm not even going to apologize for saying this because this is really what they are. Pathetic.
Plus, I am what I am and I will not change just because people feel uncomfortable over my confidence. As the words always use should be aptly use here, it's time to "just ignore." Because it's bliss after all.
