I am amazed that given the colossal humongousness of the internet, Pek managed to find me from this blog. Which, makes me wonder how many else people I personally know, is reading them without my knowledge. And I was amazed that I actually provided these some source of entertainment and sometimes bitching bewilderment.
I have indeed been fine with folks reading it so long, as I mentioned to Pek, people don’t judge me for it or start stalking me to share what they think about the stuff I’ve written. I mean, that is the main reason I have shut the message section off and that I did not have it logged into some search engines or anything of that sort to get hits.
This to me is where I write my thoughts with no holds barred. That is all. Of course to protect myself from people who can’t take criticism and I very rude remarks, I have decided to share with the least of the people I know whom I can trust and knows me well as a person. Of course for people who don’t know me at all, this blog is all for them to consume.
Lately I have been getting messages from Ita on the Reunion thingy she has been taking a pain staking effort to arrange. I am not denying that I do not appreciate her effort but as Pek and I have said, stuff like this should not be made obligatory to anyone for the matter. While it’s great to be keeping in touch but since we have all grown to be distinguish individuals, there are people out there who needs to respect such fact. I don’t really know how to put this in words, but it is only those that we can click so much at this age that would have kept bonding on and for those that we have grown apart, we could just as well remained acquaintances. So, to me, this reunion thingy, is merely keeping up with matter-of-factly to know everyone’s fine and alive. But some people need to understand that it is impossible for people we don’t click to start clicking only now.
I mean, if people are of the same kind would have taken the effort to keep in touch every since we left primary. There is a logic to this bonding thingy. And people also can’t keep holding on the childlike age days when we are already God damn 35 this year.
My CNY this year has been with the family, quite a bit. We have the family reunion in KL with the entire of my own family at the dinner. I’m happy because for ONCE I don’t need to be just spending my time with those Cantonese speaking money face urbanites relative of that SOL. Yeah! Wonderful.
I honestly (not that I am blowing my family’s trumpet) realized those type (yeah, here I am stereotyping) of family does nothing when they gather but compare or try to check who is wearing what, driving what, earning what, title of what, and so and so that their lives just revolves around who is better materially. Like it or not, I don’t have a choice at times but to bear with such idiosyncrasies since they are part of my good in-law’s family.
I have to admit also, I do sympathize with my in-laws at times having to tolerate the crap they unintentionally put up with the comparison and who-has-better-lifestyle-than-who. And I do also pity my BIL having to have married a woman of such standards. I am not trying to be a narcisst by putting her down but the fact of the matter is such that I’m just being plain blunt truthful about the whole thing.
I mean, if you ever have a chance to meet her, try talking to her for a good 10 minutes about anything material (because that is THE ONLY topic that fazes her) and see what do you get out of it. Answer: Brush over of subject matter from hearsay and her borak kosong conversation with her equally shallow friends. Example: Talk to her about cars, see what she tells you since she drives a Beemer. Talk to her about watches since she made herself looking like a watch connoisseur but observe the depth of the understanding in a simple brand she wears. It just go to tell.
Oh well, it is true to the fact that I loathe her, I still do despite the number of years that has gone by. And as Eugene has aptly put it, there will be no mending of this relationship, ever. Only to ensure ‘it doesn’t get worst’ is the last good sentence he has picked. He sure is right because how can anything change when we both are not changing for the world, more so, I don’t need to stomach measuring-up- to-me-people.
I think anyone reads this could sense the hate I have for her, oh well. We need some hate in life to keep that fiery fire in us to move along in life. It can’t be just passivity and optimism that pulls a person through… I am sure.
So as I was saying, it was a good reunion anyway when I have the entire family who are close enough to me, being there. I guess that matters most but of course, I am not denying the bitching I walked through with my mum, aunties and granny. To some extend, while I have become the listener I am, I realized that my fiery aggression and hard headedness has indeed come from THE family. Everyone shares the same flare. From my granny to my mum to my very own aunts. So when I get to my difficult self, don’t blame me, it’s in the genes apparently.
But it is all good. After the complaints and bitching does a jig through the system, everyone will have a good laugh or some form of comfort for each other, and we move on with life. I guess that is what family is all about. It doesn’t need to be the care but even the mere fact it being a trust worthy sounding board which I think is good enough for the bond to tie. And truly, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate this bonding.
Needless to say, as the years go by, Granny has come to a point where her forgetfulness is pretty rampant, especially on the things she says. One minute she had affirm this and the very next, she either ask again or says the opposite. It takes several times and patient to remind her, what really is what. But it is also funny that there are however some things which she can remember, she remembers them VERY well. I call this “selective memory.” I wonder too if she is trying to be funny with us all. Hehe.
Yet above it all, her chattiness has not ceased and I am still left appalled. We brought her to the reflexology centre where we frequent and there she goes, yakking away and as usual, repeating her story over and over and over. I wondered and embarrassed too over her highly energetic gap if the masseur massaging her legs felt the same as I did. The irony of it all, I used to cringe at aunties and uncles who yak their life away in the centre to extend where I, who refuse to eavesdrop would often end up even knowing their first time with a man / woman. So to speak. And here, I have, my dearest grandmother yakking for a good 1 hour like the energizer bunny. Urgh!
I could not possibly read my book, even aloud. And yes, I was laughing at myself for having to endure this old lady who is my granny doing the thing I most abhor in a reflexology centre! Karma. This is call Karma. Haha.
At the same time, I have learnt up some funnies about my family. One of my cousins, actually shuts down at 10 sharp without warning. Don’t ask me how he does it but when we were having our reunion dinner, there he was, head on the headrest, fast asleep despite everything we said to him or the jolt we gleefully bestow on this. He is as good as dead! By the end of the dinner, his poor dad had to carry him like a gunny sack of potatoes into the car.
Then when I returned to Malacca, my mum and aunt were lecturing me about UFOs, star gazing, Aliens, the universe, the secrecy of the US government on this and etc, etc, etc. For once, I was reminded of how much I did not miss attending lectures. While I looked disdained to some degree, not from skepticsm but the dreary and lackluster topics of their excitement from their brother, my uncle, I can’t help but to listen as I normal do. Just listen.
Apparently, they have been doing a lot of reading up and start gazing with my uncle ever since they harbored their asses in Malacca. They have been doing it well past 3am every night! Along with those telescopes, infra red torch or something to that effect and the lappy in the wide open lovely mowed carpeted grass garden of my aunties.
Right after dinner, they assembled again, star gazing for signs of spaceships and the likes, but everyone below the age of 35 were in the house, on the net, watching TV, playing video games or talking cock. Then I realized the Generation X and above have no in-depth interest of such matters because for the longest time in our lives, we have already been exposed to such phenomenon on TV, books, internet and hearsay. We just don’t find them as intriguing as the older folks. Ah, talk about generation gap. And believe me not, even my granny was star gazing along with them! Ahhhhhhh…
During CNY also, Kean Meng kicked the bucket. Though he isn’t close to me and a mere acquaintance, the news is still very sudden. But it does remind me about life. Wakes me from my slumbering that I have been in for awhile. Reminds me the need to be happy and feeling fulfilled in life. But the best of it all, when I think too much about it, I suddenly feel empty. Like my life is just nothing much but me, myself and I. And of a sudden, I feel I don’t have much fulfillment to add meaning to my life, actually. I feel like all these while I have been threading on doing things to make me happy but I have not much thoroughly evaluated IF really, I am happy and that those things REALLY does make me happy.
So yes, at times, I don’t really know what I want in life. What does living life to the fullest really means?
I don’t have a solution to these feelings nor will I have any thoughts about it nor do I have a conclusion or an answer.
I am in the moment where I want to live by the flow of things and just let things works itself out.
What I do know is, I enjoy several things very much and these are the very things that keeps me at peace all the time. Full filled? I really, haven’t given it much thoughts. So in the end, I trust this overly dwelling doesn’t help. What sharping your knife some guru said! Haha…
Alrighty, so much for CNY from me. Much more to do. And yes, the rest of the time besides those I have shared were left doing up my mum’s assignment, Communication 101. Beat that…*grin*
I have indeed been fine with folks reading it so long, as I mentioned to Pek, people don’t judge me for it or start stalking me to share what they think about the stuff I’ve written. I mean, that is the main reason I have shut the message section off and that I did not have it logged into some search engines or anything of that sort to get hits.
This to me is where I write my thoughts with no holds barred. That is all. Of course to protect myself from people who can’t take criticism and I very rude remarks, I have decided to share with the least of the people I know whom I can trust and knows me well as a person. Of course for people who don’t know me at all, this blog is all for them to consume.
Lately I have been getting messages from Ita on the Reunion thingy she has been taking a pain staking effort to arrange. I am not denying that I do not appreciate her effort but as Pek and I have said, stuff like this should not be made obligatory to anyone for the matter. While it’s great to be keeping in touch but since we have all grown to be distinguish individuals, there are people out there who needs to respect such fact. I don’t really know how to put this in words, but it is only those that we can click so much at this age that would have kept bonding on and for those that we have grown apart, we could just as well remained acquaintances. So, to me, this reunion thingy, is merely keeping up with matter-of-factly to know everyone’s fine and alive. But some people need to understand that it is impossible for people we don’t click to start clicking only now.
I mean, if people are of the same kind would have taken the effort to keep in touch every since we left primary. There is a logic to this bonding thingy. And people also can’t keep holding on the childlike age days when we are already God damn 35 this year.
My CNY this year has been with the family, quite a bit. We have the family reunion in KL with the entire of my own family at the dinner. I’m happy because for ONCE I don’t need to be just spending my time with those Cantonese speaking money face urbanites relative of that SOL. Yeah! Wonderful.
I honestly (not that I am blowing my family’s trumpet) realized those type (yeah, here I am stereotyping) of family does nothing when they gather but compare or try to check who is wearing what, driving what, earning what, title of what, and so and so that their lives just revolves around who is better materially. Like it or not, I don’t have a choice at times but to bear with such idiosyncrasies since they are part of my good in-law’s family.
I have to admit also, I do sympathize with my in-laws at times having to tolerate the crap they unintentionally put up with the comparison and who-has-better-lifestyle-than-who. And I do also pity my BIL having to have married a woman of such standards. I am not trying to be a narcisst by putting her down but the fact of the matter is such that I’m just being plain blunt truthful about the whole thing.
I mean, if you ever have a chance to meet her, try talking to her for a good 10 minutes about anything material (because that is THE ONLY topic that fazes her) and see what do you get out of it. Answer: Brush over of subject matter from hearsay and her borak kosong conversation with her equally shallow friends. Example: Talk to her about cars, see what she tells you since she drives a Beemer. Talk to her about watches since she made herself looking like a watch connoisseur but observe the depth of the understanding in a simple brand she wears. It just go to tell.
Oh well, it is true to the fact that I loathe her, I still do despite the number of years that has gone by. And as Eugene has aptly put it, there will be no mending of this relationship, ever. Only to ensure ‘it doesn’t get worst’ is the last good sentence he has picked. He sure is right because how can anything change when we both are not changing for the world, more so, I don’t need to stomach measuring-up- to-me-people.
I think anyone reads this could sense the hate I have for her, oh well. We need some hate in life to keep that fiery fire in us to move along in life. It can’t be just passivity and optimism that pulls a person through… I am sure.
So as I was saying, it was a good reunion anyway when I have the entire family who are close enough to me, being there. I guess that matters most but of course, I am not denying the bitching I walked through with my mum, aunties and granny. To some extend, while I have become the listener I am, I realized that my fiery aggression and hard headedness has indeed come from THE family. Everyone shares the same flare. From my granny to my mum to my very own aunts. So when I get to my difficult self, don’t blame me, it’s in the genes apparently.
But it is all good. After the complaints and bitching does a jig through the system, everyone will have a good laugh or some form of comfort for each other, and we move on with life. I guess that is what family is all about. It doesn’t need to be the care but even the mere fact it being a trust worthy sounding board which I think is good enough for the bond to tie. And truly, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate this bonding.
Needless to say, as the years go by, Granny has come to a point where her forgetfulness is pretty rampant, especially on the things she says. One minute she had affirm this and the very next, she either ask again or says the opposite. It takes several times and patient to remind her, what really is what. But it is also funny that there are however some things which she can remember, she remembers them VERY well. I call this “selective memory.” I wonder too if she is trying to be funny with us all. Hehe.
Yet above it all, her chattiness has not ceased and I am still left appalled. We brought her to the reflexology centre where we frequent and there she goes, yakking away and as usual, repeating her story over and over and over. I wondered and embarrassed too over her highly energetic gap if the masseur massaging her legs felt the same as I did. The irony of it all, I used to cringe at aunties and uncles who yak their life away in the centre to extend where I, who refuse to eavesdrop would often end up even knowing their first time with a man / woman. So to speak. And here, I have, my dearest grandmother yakking for a good 1 hour like the energizer bunny. Urgh!
I could not possibly read my book, even aloud. And yes, I was laughing at myself for having to endure this old lady who is my granny doing the thing I most abhor in a reflexology centre! Karma. This is call Karma. Haha.
At the same time, I have learnt up some funnies about my family. One of my cousins, actually shuts down at 10 sharp without warning. Don’t ask me how he does it but when we were having our reunion dinner, there he was, head on the headrest, fast asleep despite everything we said to him or the jolt we gleefully bestow on this. He is as good as dead! By the end of the dinner, his poor dad had to carry him like a gunny sack of potatoes into the car.
Then when I returned to Malacca, my mum and aunt were lecturing me about UFOs, star gazing, Aliens, the universe, the secrecy of the US government on this and etc, etc, etc. For once, I was reminded of how much I did not miss attending lectures. While I looked disdained to some degree, not from skepticsm but the dreary and lackluster topics of their excitement from their brother, my uncle, I can’t help but to listen as I normal do. Just listen.
Apparently, they have been doing a lot of reading up and start gazing with my uncle ever since they harbored their asses in Malacca. They have been doing it well past 3am every night! Along with those telescopes, infra red torch or something to that effect and the lappy in the wide open lovely mowed carpeted grass garden of my aunties.
Right after dinner, they assembled again, star gazing for signs of spaceships and the likes, but everyone below the age of 35 were in the house, on the net, watching TV, playing video games or talking cock. Then I realized the Generation X and above have no in-depth interest of such matters because for the longest time in our lives, we have already been exposed to such phenomenon on TV, books, internet and hearsay. We just don’t find them as intriguing as the older folks. Ah, talk about generation gap. And believe me not, even my granny was star gazing along with them! Ahhhhhhh…
During CNY also, Kean Meng kicked the bucket. Though he isn’t close to me and a mere acquaintance, the news is still very sudden. But it does remind me about life. Wakes me from my slumbering that I have been in for awhile. Reminds me the need to be happy and feeling fulfilled in life. But the best of it all, when I think too much about it, I suddenly feel empty. Like my life is just nothing much but me, myself and I. And of a sudden, I feel I don’t have much fulfillment to add meaning to my life, actually. I feel like all these while I have been threading on doing things to make me happy but I have not much thoroughly evaluated IF really, I am happy and that those things REALLY does make me happy.
So yes, at times, I don’t really know what I want in life. What does living life to the fullest really means?
I don’t have a solution to these feelings nor will I have any thoughts about it nor do I have a conclusion or an answer.
I am in the moment where I want to live by the flow of things and just let things works itself out.
What I do know is, I enjoy several things very much and these are the very things that keeps me at peace all the time. Full filled? I really, haven’t given it much thoughts. So in the end, I trust this overly dwelling doesn’t help. What sharping your knife some guru said! Haha…
Alrighty, so much for CNY from me. Much more to do. And yes, the rest of the time besides those I have shared were left doing up my mum’s assignment, Communication 101. Beat that…*grin*
