The Path We Choose

These days I'm lazy in perfecting the post I have posted from office despite many different fonts and etc. Despite the grammatical errors and spelling over sights.

I'm even lazy in updating reviews on books I've read. I guess, the fad of reviewing in my blog, then FB and Goodreads is too much of a task to ask from me these days. It must be the amount of time taken to do so when I have only this much of time for everything I want.

In fact, everytime I scroll my list of 'wanna do' list, it often ends up with just half of it 'done.' The remaining half then becomes, 'yearn to do.'

At this point in life, there are many things in my mind and ongoing.

Firstly, I am in the midst of getting my baby. In fact, I am spending a bomb on the car but I am not fretting about it as everything in life comes with a cost. The bigger it is, the more it cost. The more awesomeness it is, the most it cost. I suppose this is how the equation works.

And so, I broke my fix deposit 2 days ago to settle the downpayment, insurance, road tax and the likes. It's not that nice to see your piggy bank shrink but the opportunity cost of getting a new awesome car tends to outshadow the depletion. Haha. Afterall, I always remind myself that as long as I am willing and hardworking, money can be replenished. But opportunities can't.

I mean, given Murphy's Law, anything and everything can happen, I don't see why I should wait and see. I mean, wait and see what? My rationale to these crazy decision is, should I even wait and see and by the time I am more than ready, I'm way pass the age of sports car. That would be the time of my life that I enjoy Bentleys, Mercs, Jaguars and etc.

I'm estatic about it but I'm still holding my grounds about it because it's just too good to be true. I feel that I can jump for joy only when the car is really with me physically, and I am actually holding on to the steering wheels. That is when I can call out and say to myself, "Wow."

Till that happens, I am still at my "hope and pray" everything goes well mode.

I also think my part negativity is meant to safe guard my feeling against disappointments. I mean, if you really look around you, life has it in such way that there seemed to be more dissapointments than appointments. Yes, one can argue about it is all about how one sees it, but this is my perspective. And I've been through more than enough dissapointments to keep me sanely human, grounded and reminded.

So when that happens, one tends to just build all kinds of defense grounds to ensure IF anything negative is to happen, you can still take the blow and move on. It's just like buying an insurance. The same philosophy.

I'm only human.

Work wise, things are at its very topsy turvy mode. I am utterly tired to even list down the series of events that is happening in the office. And so today and tomorrow while I am happily away from the office, I plan to absorb all shits and craps and allow it to quietly settle into my system. In such way, I could be strong enough to move on in my career path and day to day live between Mondays to Fridays. It's not a joke when one spends more than 8 hours a day in the same place with a group of people with different strokes, interests and objectives.

Such is the way to survive in the corporate world. There are always bound to be something happening. It is just a matter of magnitude. And, as in life, everything that happens, does happen for good reasons. Even if it has been ignited by some fellow asshole(s).

So, I'm trying to lay low and chill. Let it be and let things passby every other day, one day at a time. Somehow, things will work its way and everyone's going to be O-K. I am sure. I have anyway, been through such shits many times over in my 13 years of corporate life. Just that sometimes, you don't see the fairness to the events or ideality of the situation. But as I have said, things will work its way out. Life is balance out the bad and evil intentions. It would allow good prevails, most often under the naked eyes.

And on the hindsight of things, we still have the nicer ones in the department as comfort and the salary which gets deposited at the end of each month doesn't get depleted from anyone's bank account.

So, why fret?

But above it all, I need to conclude that like any other games that one plays, it is about the survival of the fittest. Every action that one takes by whoever, has implanted interest by that oneself, directly or indirectly. However fair or unfair you want to think it to be even. Crudely put, it is always about who uses who for what in the name of power and money. However nice you think the person is. It just works in the same logic but different context.

People are also right when they say they don't see the reason they should climb the ladder. They are still right to say, they should just be happy doing what their heart desires despite lower earnings. So long that they are happy.

But the problem is, a lot of people don't realised, while they preach to that, given the opportunity of being dumped 10x more money that you already earn, it is hard not to say no despite wanting to go out there to do something you love with the much lesser dough. More so harder when the job you are doing is something you-don't-mind-doing.

See.

So, sometimes, it is not that so easy to just say you want to get out there and give up with corporate and go live in the the island that you love and live happily ever after.

People in the corporate will and can do just anything to have you for their interest. Afterall, it's mere salary. Whose money it really belongs? The company. Technically speaking, it belongs to THE company. Not even the shareholders. Think about it. And when the money is in a non-breathing entity, it is at the whims of the high mighties to decide who they would like to give it to and how much just so, the company can still go on at its best with these talented bunch of people. Heck care about the talented bunch of people's passion and life's desires.

And the irony of it all, it's just a business transaction. Let's not get personal. Let's even not mix personal and business.

So. Really. Be strong. Be strong to know what you want in life. And be strong to know how you want your life to be. It is the bottomline to it all. Plus, there is so such thing of the best of everything. No one will get everything in life.

And round as I may go in my thoughts, it still boils down to the fact, that it is all about survival of the fittest. Even if you want to be happy with your life, it goes down the alley of fit enough to be just that. Can one prevail, say no to the temptation of power and money just to be who you want out there?

Well, I guess that is so much of my thoughts at this moment. Today, as my heart pumps with that many thoughts in my mind, I am reminded that ever and again, I need to live my life as I have wanted to. And I am being reminded that climbing the corporate ladder is one which is actually on the lower priority list for me.

And so, after this write, I feel clearer in thoughts and I feel reminded of my path. I need to stay focus on my course. I should be fine and dandyly happy.

Wish me luck. Wish myself luck. And everyone else who has thoughts to this too. All the best.