Indeed I have been in a grouchy mood. Some people consider it foul. But as always, it would come to terms to the issues I am facing. This time it has a lot to do with my work.
I'm officially unhappy with things.
Then it comes to the equation of how things are happening and not getting the deserving promotion as I believe I ought to have, I digress. What grounds do I have the very right to demand and believe so?
On the very fact that I have been lately getting over and above e-mails and verbal commendation over my work.
While those which have been giving has been openly hearted generous and I believe, thinks it should be a form of my motivation to carry on with the Bank, I on the other hands, feels utterly demotivated.
In all sense that, IF that is the very reason that I command such great respect and commendation from people whom I considered 'impossible' to attain their standards, then why. Why is it that I am still a damn AVP?
[And to top that, if I were to compared my standards against the current bunch of AVP i is an ultimate insult to my work, what more if I were to compared the newly crowned VP in my department, it is even more than an insult. In every fucking single sense of work deliverables, attitude and principles even, he is not even there. And mind you, I am not trying to blow my trumpet about this. I have analyse in minuscule details enough. I have combed through my inadequacies in it's micro level. I have even read other AVPs and other VPs to understand what makes up for what exactly it is to be and it is sad to say, 3/4 of them do not deserve what they got. You may call me a cynic or sour grapes, and even question me that I do not have the right to commend who deserves and who doesn't.
I'm officially unhappy with things.
Then it comes to the equation of how things are happening and not getting the deserving promotion as I believe I ought to have, I digress. What grounds do I have the very right to demand and believe so?
On the very fact that I have been lately getting over and above e-mails and verbal commendation over my work.
While those which have been giving has been openly hearted generous and I believe, thinks it should be a form of my motivation to carry on with the Bank, I on the other hands, feels utterly demotivated.
In all sense that, IF that is the very reason that I command such great respect and commendation from people whom I considered 'impossible' to attain their standards, then why. Why is it that I am still a damn AVP?
[And to top that, if I were to compared my standards against the current bunch of AVP i is an ultimate insult to my work, what more if I were to compared the newly crowned VP in my department, it is even more than an insult. In every fucking single sense of work deliverables, attitude and principles even, he is not even there. And mind you, I am not trying to blow my trumpet about this. I have analyse in minuscule details enough. I have combed through my inadequacies in it's micro level. I have even read other AVPs and other VPs to understand what makes up for what exactly it is to be and it is sad to say, 3/4 of them do not deserve what they got. You may call me a cynic or sour grapes, and even question me that I do not have the right to commend who deserves and who doesn't.
My answer: I have the right to my opinion, cynical or bitchy it may be. But abve it all, if I were to benchmark them in accordance to the 'impossible' people's standards that I work with, they are just at most at Manager level. Well, that is just my 2 cents of unadulterated honest opinion about these people]
So given these facts laid sparsely on the table, who won't be piss?
And in every action of praises I have thus received, the equation doesn't fit in any sense and therefore in this matter at all, I'm aghast, frustrated and very unhappy.
So yes, as every human I am, I literally drag my feet to work. But yet, as I've preach to these, I did not nor will vent any sense of my frustration on anyone or anything. My issue is between my bosses and me. Nothing to do with my work, colleagues or any other issues I am paid to work.
As I have been ranting all these while, it is no longer about the money. It is about time for the recognition I believe I deserve. That is all.
But going through this enormous piss, typical of humanic (is there such word) sense, when one doesn't voice any concerns, people always perceived I am happy. It is sad. Super sad [and because of what I am experiencing, I vow I will never do this to any of my committed and deserving staff as long as I'm empowered for their well being].
I will be just and fair to who rightly deserves with no compromise on other factors on rewards and recognition. And I will not bend on this.
Going back to my feeling.
And therefore, I will have THE conversation with my new boss by next month. All because I believe I should be fair by giving him some time to settle down with all the chaos they have been disemboweling him off late. I mean, when someone is at something new, it is understandably that there will always be this overwhelming effect.
But above all hediousity (if there is such word, haha), somehow it is always a force outside this universe or maybe its the cosmic Karma or even God, there will always be a cool blanket to put off the anguish.
Somehow.
And so, while I am now getting very attune to my challenging work, at month 9, I can comfortably say I am 90% on top of my work. Which to me, is a great achievement because I have embarked into something which is off the total opposite spectrum of my expertise and I've managed to muster it.
It was despicably tough and gruesomely challenging. Coupled with people's negative prejudice that Verniela by default is not a 'number' person and therefore will not flourish in this portfolio.
Indeed I have proven the cynics wrong. I am even demanding them to eat their words.
So given these facts laid sparsely on the table, who won't be piss?
And in every action of praises I have thus received, the equation doesn't fit in any sense and therefore in this matter at all, I'm aghast, frustrated and very unhappy.
So yes, as every human I am, I literally drag my feet to work. But yet, as I've preach to these, I did not nor will vent any sense of my frustration on anyone or anything. My issue is between my bosses and me. Nothing to do with my work, colleagues or any other issues I am paid to work.
As I have been ranting all these while, it is no longer about the money. It is about time for the recognition I believe I deserve. That is all.
But going through this enormous piss, typical of humanic (is there such word) sense, when one doesn't voice any concerns, people always perceived I am happy. It is sad. Super sad [and because of what I am experiencing, I vow I will never do this to any of my committed and deserving staff as long as I'm empowered for their well being].
I will be just and fair to who rightly deserves with no compromise on other factors on rewards and recognition. And I will not bend on this.
Going back to my feeling.
And therefore, I will have THE conversation with my new boss by next month. All because I believe I should be fair by giving him some time to settle down with all the chaos they have been disemboweling him off late. I mean, when someone is at something new, it is understandably that there will always be this overwhelming effect.
But above all hediousity (if there is such word, haha), somehow it is always a force outside this universe or maybe its the cosmic Karma or even God, there will always be a cool blanket to put off the anguish.
Somehow.
And so, while I am now getting very attune to my challenging work, at month 9, I can comfortably say I am 90% on top of my work. Which to me, is a great achievement because I have embarked into something which is off the total opposite spectrum of my expertise and I've managed to muster it.
It was despicably tough and gruesomely challenging. Coupled with people's negative prejudice that Verniela by default is not a 'number' person and therefore will not flourish in this portfolio.
Indeed I have proven the cynics wrong. I am even demanding them to eat their words.
Now some puzzles are fixed. I now understand the reason my impossible ex-boss was giving me the due respect. At the point of my new assignment, concern people have told him that they don't think I would be able to handle it. And he gave his gut feel to them that we should give me a chance and he feels, I should be able to make it, given my attitude.
And so, I have proven his facts right. And I have been able to meet his standards and demands without a word of complain or detest throughout the tenacious months while he was around. He could affirm that.
So lesson learnt.
Lesson No.1: Do not belittle people and tell them what little to you know about them. No one knows anyone better than the person themself.
Lesson No.2: And because of that, if someone believes deeply enough that he/she can do it, allow him/her to prove him/herself because most often than not, he/she will succeed.
Lesson No.3: Nothing is impossible if anyone put their heart and soul into it and not give it up until it's been conquered.
Lesson No. 4: There is no such thing as "if you are good in something, you will do better in it." That is the old school of thoughts. Bye bye, old school.
Lesson No.5: Never let anyone put you down in anything you believe you can do. While you are at it, keep going even when you are in doubt especially when the first shit splattered on your face and it continue splashing. Just keep going, keep learning what you are missing, keep tab of the mistakes, keep on fixing and in no time, everything will come into place miraculously.
Lesson No.6: Don't forget to remind those people who think you can't do it, to eat their words when you got it. That would shut them fucking up for a lifetime. Haha.
And while I'm at this, I was reading through Randy Pausch's "Last Speech" he gave in CM sometime in 2007, he said this and it sure hit me like a wasabi making its way through the airways, explaining the reason for my 'brick walls.'
"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people - Randy Pausch ( 1960-2008).
So yes, Randy, may you RIP and thank you, thank you for putting an explanation to my frustration at this point in my life.
I'm done. Have a great day people *wink*
