I realized my mood has been horrendous for the past few days and I was asking myself why? Why the irritation? I need to rationalize my feelings because picking on things and harboring on it isn't all good. Plus, we are moving on to 2010. I don't want to feeling shitty at the beginning of the year.
Then I realized,
1. when people has been unjustly towards me, it is THAT that pisses me - the story about my leave and people keeping me off tangent at work
2. I don't want to be spending my time with other people's family like I did last year. I mean, NYE is supposed to be filled with fun and joy, not killjoys and yawns
And so,
1. I'm ignoring some people at work who has pissed me
2. Got it arranged with Eugene that, any way or another, we won't be wasting time with people's family. To the extend that I am even willing to stick to join Eugene and friends in Finns. Yeah. On second thoughts, if the day comes and I am not into counting down at the pub, I don't mind staying home, writing, drawing, painting or reading. So long I am not made to spend time with people who are irrelevant.
Yay!
I re-read my work about Keith and Lisa. I decided to stop. I still think they are no where near "5 Stories in KL" as I have brought up quite a bit of character into the ladies. Keith and Lisa are as shallow as most of the KL people. It's sad. So, goodbye Keith and Lisa. Got to let you guys go. *wink*
All in all, I've got to continue with 5 Stories in KL and Shanice. The essence of these 2 is strong enough to get a book that's worth it's salt. I think. I believe.
Focus.
Then I have decided to start drawing and painting again. I mean, the illustrations have been on for awhile already now {and I have been getting the 'awww' and 'wow'} but I think I want to expand my horizon where I am all there is. I mean, as a person who does it without sweat {illustrations are easy peasy pieces for me at this point as it doesn't warrant 200% perfection. I mean, how would anyone cringe if one eye is smaller than the other with illustration? Or when the arm or leg looks funny? Anything goes with illustration. Like you can tell a lie believing it to be without blinking and everyone will go with it. That's illustration to me}.
I know my strength and weakness. I know what I can do without much effort and what I literally struggle {like yesterday, my fairy girl, pretty much turn to look like a fairy lady, then fairy Ah Kua, then fairy hooker. I mean, common…. It's supposed to be all sweet and innocent, why am I turning her into some bitch? See what I mean about working on my weakness instead of strength? Haha...} So I'll just work on with what I am most good at. And we will see what comes out of it in 2010. Though I am going to take my time on this one like I have on my writings and running.
They have taken and brought me abundance of indescribable joy and I'm just going to do that.
Of course I still need to stay on track with my running and yoga.
Ah, yoga. Where have I stashed you? I badly in need of you to pave me back to sanity and peace. Even my yoga mat has gone all slippery. I almost loss my grip just doing downward dog. Hehe…
Of course with plans to run the half marathon again, the glucosamine dose has to increase until the pain is totally off. I need to get that perfected or near perfection before I start training hard. Like there is no tomorrow. *grin*
Anyway, as I was typing this, here comes the irritant. Asking me when my staff could get the analysis ready. And the mother of all irony, my boss is back and he came to see me about it early this morning. When I told him the intricacy of things and the need for time on this, he totally understood and did not push hard to get it delivered by today. See what I mean when it comes to understanding the importance and priority of things? God forbid.
I guess, it's time that I stop expecting. It's time I stop having standards for people who doesn't have on themselves. Or on people who can't live up to mine. {I sound such a big snob} Because if I don't stop having such feelings, it irritates me when I have expectations. And what use is that? I'm killing myself only. And it affects my looks {now what vain pot I am}.
It's just like my aunty who is often upset with her husband and sons who fail to do the things the way she wants it to be. She gets all fired up and starts nagging all the way to Moscow. What use?
Anyway, let me write something I have in mind later. Something about Whitney, my aunty, my mum, my friend, my granny and all. I need to touch on that. Laterz.
