I'm hooding over lunch, what ever that means. Just somehow, the word comes out to describe my feelings.
I have had a tough week. Very, very tough week. Both in work and on a personal front. Sometimes I wonder if all these bitterness and struggling is worth every penny, time and effort. I wonder.
I have come to a point in this week that I just wanted to give it all up, every single thing I ever have worked and put in for, up. Just quit it all and run away. Go away to somewhere where no one knows me, of my existence so that I can at least have a minute of peace of mind.
And that running away feeling was indeed strong, just like those whiff of spirit in a whisky when you unintentionally open up a bottle thinking it was Coke. The idea of it just hit me.
Yes, I was tired. I was tired of people bugging me of everything and anything. I was tired of having to give it all to everyone. I was tired having to answer to whatever else there is to answer.
Somehow, when I woke up some time on Thursday which was my birthday, I woke without much emotions. I only knew I needed to get to work and get my things done, go for dinner with the people who loves me and call it a day.
And despite the 101 calls and e-mails and a heated crap I got from someone whom I still do not understand for the outburst, my sadness has dissipated leaving just utter eye rolling motion (just as a reactive motion of disagreement for the moment), fits of laughter (because I do not know what else will be befalling over my already crooked shoulders so I needed the laugh to pull me through) OR nothingness (as I am tired with the colossal emotions that were coloring my well being throughout the week).
I did express via an outburst to Adrian for a good 10mins however, with all the fucks that ever roamed but that was it, I just don't want to over indulge on negativity as it is already trying hard in sucking up all that is left of me.
So there.
I am typing this with U2 blasted into my numb skull. With appreciation that Nina, Leila and Yien Lee worked it up till 2am to get whatever that is overdue, over and through. They are the reason ever more so I should not quit.
I will have to go on. However things would be. And here it goes, I'm going back to work, again, sorting some crap Taiwan is saying that Malaysia has sent the wrong template, what ever that means. Here we go… *again*
And yes, Happy Belated Birthday to myself, I certainly didn't feel like I had one though… (despite the impressive number of well wishes which I never knew I would have <-- I ain't that bad after all…hahah).
