When I was growing up, particularly in my teenage years, my ride to adulthood was bumpy and positively yet negatively enriching.
My rough path brought me through emotional security and independence especially losing a dad at the prime of my teenage years. That, I should say was the turning point to my much sheltered protective life. That, was the point I accelerated my childhood to adulthood. That, was the point that I realized many, many truth about life, good and bad. It brought me anguish and pain.
Balancing it out however was falling in love with art. Discovering my talents was awesome. Growing and being given the opportunity to polish my talent in those several crucial years did dampen the blow life had for me. It brought out the refine me, coupled with the panache and elegant bit people seldom see {haha}. I guess, anyone who knows me at this point, reading this sentence sounds like the joke of the day. Oh well, laugh if you must.
I grew up thinking I would one way rule the fashion runway. My ultimate dream. The 'other' dream was to be the corporate woman, working in her skyscraper office, ceiling to floor high windows overlooking the city scenes, in her power suit, driving a BMW {because I so think BMW is such a stylo car to be driving, I still don't know what 'image' means or that BMW actually signifies ie. a level of "success attainment" as some losers perceived it}. And THE other dream is to be a pilot. Oh well, since the eyesight has deteriorated to extreme levels of myopic, there is no use over dwelling on this one.
But the underlying objective to these dreams is to have freedom. Freedom to do as I please with my life. Freedom of expression. Freedom to living itself. Freedom itself is power.
And so, I put much effort into my studies, at least arm me with a passport to that freedom I so long for.
And while I was struggling to get my studies rightly through and still insisted on the rebellious part of me, there was one thing which I safe kept in my pencil box as a mantra until my college years. Strong yet poetic enough for my liking:-
"When things go wrong
and sometimes they will
when the road you are struggling in
Is a twisted hill
When you need help
and the debts are high,
you want to smile
But you have to sigh
When care is pressing
you down a bit
rest if you must
But never quit
Life is hard
during its twists and turns
as everyone of us
Sometimes learns
And many a failure
will turn about
when we might have won
Had we stuck it out
Never give up
though the pace seems slow
you just may succeed
With another blow
You never can tell
how close you are
it may be near
and still seem so far
Stick to the fight
when at your hardest hit
its when things seem worse
That you must never quit"
-Felipe Gomez-
What a nostalgic read…
