Here I am, sitting at my desk, mind wondering over everything else not work. Here I am, worksheets and spreadsheets sprawled right in front of my 2 eyes, blaring its numbers like a flasher on heat. But my mind's not too into it at this moment. Any moment where I have an excuse not to look at those numbers, I will seize it.
I'm just bored.
My thoughts are random but strong with thoughts.
First, I am still pissed over yesterday's episode of some bloody ole men from the office who insulted me by means of nagging and teasing me to do some stage performance. Nagging. Teasing Beat that. And this particular individual made me feel as if I am a cheap call girl, waiting to be picked up by some agent for some talent show. He used words like, "Shaking you body up there," "Ooooo!" "Interesting to have you perform" and what ever else my brains could not recall at this moment.
By all means, he even thinks its funny. By all means, he forgot he is working for an international financial institution which does not tolerate harassment. By all means, he forgot that if I were to take this upon him, he would by all means, loose his job.
Bastard. I mean, bastards.
I am making it a point to inform one of the bastards what I think about what has been said yesterday and I will fire at short range about ever hearing about such harassment again and its non-hesistance to report this to the council. I will.
They have just got the wrong lady.
By and large, that was the highlight.
Then I am feeling 'lamented' (oh, I am actually turning words into description of feelings. Wow!) about going back to Malacca this weekend. I know. I am supposed to be this filial girl who gets back to the hometown to see her mum and granny ever so often and all that. BUT I am just so not super excited about having to travel that 150km or so back to where I was born and bred. I guess, my feeling of still being tired with the people I call family has not worn out after the episode of money-chasing conflict. I am emotionally still not over it yet. And so, going back to see the people I am supposed to love dreads me. I am unshamely saying I feel that my feet is dragging itself to get back there.
It's sad that I am in such condition. It's really sad. I'm even ashame of myself for feeling this way. Afterall, what is family all about?
I'm even dreading the moments where I have to attend a wedding of a shot-gun cousin who 24 years old. My 2 cent of thoughts: Such a wasted effort of studying up to Masters and now, having to bring up a family whom he is not even financially independent himself. But I guess, life has to go on. And at every intersection, there are choices in life. He has made his and this is it. And this is where, me, being one of the many cousins he has is there to show some moral support to his new life by attending his wedding.
But that is not what I dread. It is the fact of meeting the 101 number of family members who are still very much of a small town mentality, where people will not stop not asking about my childless marriage. Honest to God, I dread that question because it just goes to tell, where I've been (not to boast about myself) and grown to be and where these people hearts are still at. While I don't see the reason to justify myself, I also don't feel like being pleasant about giving them an answer. I feel these old people needs to stop preying on the young people's life and start focusing on their still 'available' life. Let us live our lives the way we want and stop telling us how to lead the right way of life. Theirs isn't that all perfect anyway. Haha.
In today's day and age, we younger people do not appreciate those "wiser than thou" and "eat more salt that thou" conversation and advice. We just don't.
Maybe I am just cynical. Maybe I'm just being over guarded. Maybe I'm just being defensive. But that is all my mind can render at this moment. This is how I feel at this moment. And I'm not blanketing my feelings and pretending I am jolly happy about things.
So, all said and done, I have decided that when the first relative comes to me and ask if I have kids, I am going to chilly say I have 3 now, and they are all at home in KL with the maid. And that would definitely shut a lot of unneccesary questions up. Age? 3, 7, 12. Which means, I got pregnant way even I got married. Hahaha. If they were smart enough to do some mental calculation, they would think I am crazy. They would think I got married after 1 kid or if they are sharp, they would know I am lying my life away.
Oh, whatever. Or maybe, I might just say I got 2 kids aged 3 and 7 and they are with my parents-in-law in KL, a boy and a girl. Enough. That would shut them up asking then to try for another if I qoute them of the same gender. You know how these old people can get. Haha. But of course, that may reflect that my mum has been lying to them all these while and gossip will start about us being a dysfuctional family with my dad around. Hahah. Oh!
Yes. That would shut them up and that would best help add some zing to those sordid Malaccan life. Haha…
Well, so much for adventure.
My legs are still crappy. I'm still brooding. Taking time later to see the doctor. Happy Weekend People.
