I just feel like talking in cyberspace today. But I honestly don’t have a sense of what really I want to talk about. My mind is pretty fray and sparse. But I think I will just rant away.
Just as I am feeling. Just walk away, talk away and mind away. Whatever that means.
I have this tinge feeling that I am going to be happy again. Not that I am not. I am just feeling nothing. I’m having this neither here nor there feeling. For many reasons I supposed. Nor do I feel like I’m just driven towards something as I normally am.
Take a very good example, I have been procrastinating my card orders till today. I jolly well had a good few hours to complete a card or two yesterday and all I did was, I fed Romeo and Juliet, took a shower, jump into bed, played my games, checked FB (boring…), read few pages of “Tapai” and literally, my eyes just fell upon me…
I even have this guilty thoughts of telling the girls who ordered my cards that I can’t deliver their orders in time. Not that I have anything against them (I don’t even know who they are) but for a simple fact that I am not really in the mood to make cards. I feel quite reclusive lately.
And I am not even fighting over the feeling. I’m just letting myself be whatever I feel like feeling and I know, eventually, after awhile of the same mode of brooding, I will get tired and move on to the next feeling.
At the same time, I seemed to be in an intolerance mood as well. I can’t seemed to have that normal tolerance towards people. Like yesterday night, Eugene went on and on and extremely on about the idiosyncrasies of his office colleagues and it came to a point that I was totally irritated and forced myself to shutdown to whatever he had to say thereafter. I felt he was just overly naggy and it’s over the top.
I don’t think I used to be that intolerant. Normally, I will just take it, let it pass and just be. I don’t just shut by not even giving it a change to go through me.
I am trying to understand this feeling of shutting up. And I suspect it was attributed from the overly dose of that individual who irritated me about her perceived cool life attainment (with much emulation to mine, dumb bitch copycat! Hah hah). She has this talent of going on and on like a broken record which just makes up want to erase her out of your life.
But why would such a petty thing trigger me to shut everything?
Not entirely. But when any matter of issue comes to its over indulgence, I just automatically shut. I think it’s some sort of defense mechanism which is in active mode so that I could just regain some sanity back into the system before I function normally again.
I think.
Anyway, I feel that I badly want to leave office at 6pm these days. But it never happens. After all, the traffic will clear only once all hungry beings and ghoul goes to their destination of breaking fast or breaking dinner. That in general would be 7pm. Sharks.
So what am I going to do? Just do some mellow-dramatic stuff to clean up the little bits of unimportant and un-urgent things I supposed.
Well, that’s that for now. Signing off from a mellow state of mind. Cioas.
