I've been away for too long with the cyberspace but not entirely. All in due to the fact that I have been busy with my iphone online games in particular and surfing. My voice of thoughts though, has been silence.
I was sniggering at how time flies. I felt like I have just left a note in my blog some few days ago. Ah, perception.
The last I wrote was that I 'think' I would start feeling happier soon. Indeed, who else knows better than myself. I have felt much lighter, happier and at peace after last Thursday.
Within the short span of a week so, there has been quite a number of happenings. Though I could conclude that everything did turn out for the better.
I first shut the people who has been annoyingly annoying in my life, the source of my irritant, then I just let everything go and let be. It somehow worked. But more so in that period of time, I realised that the main root cause were from 'people.' The things they say and the stuff they do. I tend to be bothered though I may claimed I don't.
So it's better to just stow them away up into the ladder or store, beyond the sight, hearing and senses.
It's funny how some people can just get into your nerves. But of course, most hollier than thou would advice that we are the master of our lives, we should at all times, be in control who influences and who doesn't. Ah, easier said than done.
I caught up with several people whom often add meaning to my life (as simple as just good conversations) and I can dare say, these are the things people should just do to keep positivity in perspective. I can't say how much more therapeutic they were to me but it wholesomely is. To that, I thank God I have such people in my life.
Then of course, we had the Independence Day (though being Independent today in my context means nothing patrotic anymore, given all the crap shits we have been witnessing with the government these days) holiday (free holiday was more the reason for celebration) which was a good break for me as well.
I was sniggering at how time flies. I felt like I have just left a note in my blog some few days ago. Ah, perception.
The last I wrote was that I 'think' I would start feeling happier soon. Indeed, who else knows better than myself. I have felt much lighter, happier and at peace after last Thursday.
Within the short span of a week so, there has been quite a number of happenings. Though I could conclude that everything did turn out for the better.
I first shut the people who has been annoyingly annoying in my life, the source of my irritant, then I just let everything go and let be. It somehow worked. But more so in that period of time, I realised that the main root cause were from 'people.' The things they say and the stuff they do. I tend to be bothered though I may claimed I don't.
So it's better to just stow them away up into the ladder or store, beyond the sight, hearing and senses.
It's funny how some people can just get into your nerves. But of course, most hollier than thou would advice that we are the master of our lives, we should at all times, be in control who influences and who doesn't. Ah, easier said than done.
I caught up with several people whom often add meaning to my life (as simple as just good conversations) and I can dare say, these are the things people should just do to keep positivity in perspective. I can't say how much more therapeutic they were to me but it wholesomely is. To that, I thank God I have such people in my life.
Then of course, we had the Independence Day (though being Independent today in my context means nothing patrotic anymore, given all the crap shits we have been witnessing with the government these days) holiday (free holiday was more the reason for celebration) which was a good break for me as well.
Though my mum was around, it was a much heeded time being with the family. We went gallivanting for a new car for mum. It's nice. Because while mum thought she should safe keep some money for us to invest, we told her to just spend her money and enjoy the finer things in life.
So whatever else would mummy spend on? A nice car!
Somehow, in that checking out afternoon, I realised that there are a lot of things in life that has been built by perception. Just like how Beemer has built it's image to garner yuppie and modern minded drivers. Whereas, Merc are more for the conservative and traditional people who are stable, conformist and mature.
Now that I am no longer looking for a car for myself, I tend to be more open towards every receptive ideas, images and perception. And what surprises me was, while footing on a neutral ground, I tend to see so much clearer in the 'real' thing as opposed to the perception Beemer or Merc has been trying has to impound into our mindset (so that we will buy them the moment we can afford one).
And surprisingly, I actually choose a Merc versus a Beemer given it's overall verdict. Me, of all the person. The person who was a pro Beemer, who drove a CI for the love of it, a person who believes she might one day steer the wheels of an M3 and a person who were so bought in that a Beemer should be it, hands down. Ah, well done Beemer, to much extend it has successfully ingrained thorough perception into the brand and has thusfar been on the right track in creating developing that ideals into the he group of Generation X.
Maybe also I think, I'm getting older and my facts and logical thinking is starting to have taken over my preferential thinking. Maybe also, with the scope of my job, my thinking is slowly but surely changing to be more generic. Or should it be otherwise?
I surprise myself.
And so, Merc it is for Mummy. She's all out, very keen and utterly excited. I mean, who would not. I was when I first got my Beemer. I was still when I first got my Cayman. Who wouldn't.
Anyway, from there, I went on to attend a good 'thinking' training which brought about revealing self awareness the way we people think. Of course, it was a profound training because it gave several answers to questions which I never had answers for, mainly on assholes I have worked with. Now, I know why. And it's liberating. Like now, I know something more than that asshole now.
It's nice. Hah hah.
At the same time, I got some nice notes here and there about how highly people think of me as a manager. Attestation from ex-bosses and ex-staffs.
But somehow, I was sharing with my buddies, why is it that I don't feel that elated for such acknowledgement? Why it is that it doesn't really put that job satisfaction factor into my feeling now that I've been attested time and again on my worthiness?
Somehow, in this equation, I think I have equated "A good manager = good worker = a respectable position." I have chosen to believe this is the equation and now that the first 2 has been met, I still don't see the point. I mean, I still am unhappy. Where is the VP position? Though it is very clear that my earnings today is even on par with many VPs in the bank and though it is very clear my standards have surpass many AVPs of the kind, I'm still discontented.
So I trust, by end of the day, when someone has made his/her mind up on the ideals or standards, the satisfaction will not be there until the standards is met. People can say whatever they want, do however they want, compensate however they please, but the fact of the matter is, if the very expectation of the individual is not met, he/she will still remain unhappy.
This does not apply on just my job. It's universal.
But I have my 'buts.' It's good to know where I stand in the eyes of a lot of people. It's good to get such reinforcement every now and then that, I am actually doing well in my job despite not getting the VP like most people who have moved on. And to even compromise, I can sour grapely manifest to those people who got their VP earlier than me that while they have the supposedly awesome title in hand (and probably even earning lesser than me), they had no such acclaimation from people they worked with and for.
It's a mental thingy I should say. And such things are priceless. Stuff money can't buy.
And it's sad to admit, it's my sole consolation to this sordid topic of promotion. Yup, it is. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm just being truthfully truthful about the way I am feeling now and I would admit I do occasionally feel defeated as compared to those people who choose to poke me over their VP versus what I am at now.
Many people though (who meant well and have eaten more salt than me) reminded me 2 things:
1. I'm still young and I should therefore not sweat over that little 2 alphabets because it's just a matter of time before I get it and,
2. Think and look at things on a long term. Don't be myopic.
That is always what they all say. Always.
I guess my 2 impuissance are the fact that I am impatience and ambitious.
Though it is not wrong but I trust, it could break me if I don't have a grip of things and be stronger than I think I already am.
Gosh, it sure beats me how I could write this much about my thoughts but it sure is good to know that I'm still sane. And that my thoughts are still in train and in line to some rationale and senses.
I'm pretty much done. For now. I'll write more on the next episode.
Oh did I fill anyone up that I'm starting to train seriously hard to beat a good sub-2 hour in a half mara? Well, I'm on that now so it's keeping me busy. I'm feeling great over my 10ks over and over for the past 1 week. So, just pray that I'm well off any injury until I set my foot on Penang Bridge and make that sub-2 hour a come true.
Watch me who-ever-who-wants-to-be-faster-than-me. I'm coming. *grin*
So whatever else would mummy spend on? A nice car!
Somehow, in that checking out afternoon, I realised that there are a lot of things in life that has been built by perception. Just like how Beemer has built it's image to garner yuppie and modern minded drivers. Whereas, Merc are more for the conservative and traditional people who are stable, conformist and mature.
Now that I am no longer looking for a car for myself, I tend to be more open towards every receptive ideas, images and perception. And what surprises me was, while footing on a neutral ground, I tend to see so much clearer in the 'real' thing as opposed to the perception Beemer or Merc has been trying has to impound into our mindset (so that we will buy them the moment we can afford one).
And surprisingly, I actually choose a Merc versus a Beemer given it's overall verdict. Me, of all the person. The person who was a pro Beemer, who drove a CI for the love of it, a person who believes she might one day steer the wheels of an M3 and a person who were so bought in that a Beemer should be it, hands down. Ah, well done Beemer, to much extend it has successfully ingrained thorough perception into the brand and has thusfar been on the right track in creating developing that ideals into the he group of Generation X.
Maybe also I think, I'm getting older and my facts and logical thinking is starting to have taken over my preferential thinking. Maybe also, with the scope of my job, my thinking is slowly but surely changing to be more generic. Or should it be otherwise?
I surprise myself.
And so, Merc it is for Mummy. She's all out, very keen and utterly excited. I mean, who would not. I was when I first got my Beemer. I was still when I first got my Cayman. Who wouldn't.
Anyway, from there, I went on to attend a good 'thinking' training which brought about revealing self awareness the way we people think. Of course, it was a profound training because it gave several answers to questions which I never had answers for, mainly on assholes I have worked with. Now, I know why. And it's liberating. Like now, I know something more than that asshole now.
It's nice. Hah hah.
At the same time, I got some nice notes here and there about how highly people think of me as a manager. Attestation from ex-bosses and ex-staffs.
But somehow, I was sharing with my buddies, why is it that I don't feel that elated for such acknowledgement? Why it is that it doesn't really put that job satisfaction factor into my feeling now that I've been attested time and again on my worthiness?
Somehow, in this equation, I think I have equated "A good manager = good worker = a respectable position." I have chosen to believe this is the equation and now that the first 2 has been met, I still don't see the point. I mean, I still am unhappy. Where is the VP position? Though it is very clear that my earnings today is even on par with many VPs in the bank and though it is very clear my standards have surpass many AVPs of the kind, I'm still discontented.
So I trust, by end of the day, when someone has made his/her mind up on the ideals or standards, the satisfaction will not be there until the standards is met. People can say whatever they want, do however they want, compensate however they please, but the fact of the matter is, if the very expectation of the individual is not met, he/she will still remain unhappy.
This does not apply on just my job. It's universal.
But I have my 'buts.' It's good to know where I stand in the eyes of a lot of people. It's good to get such reinforcement every now and then that, I am actually doing well in my job despite not getting the VP like most people who have moved on. And to even compromise, I can sour grapely manifest to those people who got their VP earlier than me that while they have the supposedly awesome title in hand (and probably even earning lesser than me), they had no such acclaimation from people they worked with and for.
It's a mental thingy I should say. And such things are priceless. Stuff money can't buy.
And it's sad to admit, it's my sole consolation to this sordid topic of promotion. Yup, it is. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm just being truthfully truthful about the way I am feeling now and I would admit I do occasionally feel defeated as compared to those people who choose to poke me over their VP versus what I am at now.
Many people though (who meant well and have eaten more salt than me) reminded me 2 things:
1. I'm still young and I should therefore not sweat over that little 2 alphabets because it's just a matter of time before I get it and,
2. Think and look at things on a long term. Don't be myopic.
That is always what they all say. Always.
I guess my 2 impuissance are the fact that I am impatience and ambitious.
Though it is not wrong but I trust, it could break me if I don't have a grip of things and be stronger than I think I already am.
Gosh, it sure beats me how I could write this much about my thoughts but it sure is good to know that I'm still sane. And that my thoughts are still in train and in line to some rationale and senses.
I'm pretty much done. For now. I'll write more on the next episode.
Oh did I fill anyone up that I'm starting to train seriously hard to beat a good sub-2 hour in a half mara? Well, I'm on that now so it's keeping me busy. I'm feeling great over my 10ks over and over for the past 1 week. So, just pray that I'm well off any injury until I set my foot on Penang Bridge and make that sub-2 hour a come true.
Watch me who-ever-who-wants-to-be-faster-than-me. I'm coming. *grin*
With that said, be happy people. Just be.
